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    One of the great things about being a Texas fan is that the football team plays at least 10 P5 teams each year. I heard some SEC honk on XM 84 mention recently that Georgia is really showing the world who’s the balls by playing an amazing 10 P5 games this year.

    “Wow. I’m sexually aroused, Commander.”

    You know who else plays 10 P5 games this year? Every fucking Pac 12, Big 10, and Big 12 team in existence, you myopic fuck. These fucking clowns have gone so deep into their own fart-huffing that they forgot that the sport is actually played beyond the range of their backwater region.

    Anyway, part of what’s great about how Texas plays its 10 P5 games is that the 10th game is damned near always against a worthy opponent with a well-known brand. This year is no different, as the horns don their gear this Saturday to face a powerful foe in the LSU Tigers. It should be a great match-up and fun Saturday night. And by that, I mean I expect Texas to stomp a deep and dirty mudhole painfully into the ass of these Cajun hillbillies and send them packing back to the swampy nether regions faster than you can spot corruption in their state government.

    “But closetojumping, LSU’s student athletes are among the elite in college sports!”

    First of all, let’s be clear about something, I don’t think LSU is even an accredited university. The trolls showing up to this site, and anyone who’s ever read TigerDroppings can also attest, simply reflect the concept that LSU isn’t an actual school, therefore these are not “Student” Athletes that UT is playing. Look at the facts:

    -LSU has an application acceptance rate of 74%. The literacy rate for the state of Louisiana most recently posted at 69% according to the Department of Education. Basic math says this is an open-enrollment school creating vocational opportunities for the literate and semi-literate in its home state. They’re effectively taking anyone from Louisiana that can sign their name on the application.

    -The admission standards and average SAT scores accepted into LSU are lower than the NCAA eligibility requirements for true freshmen student athletes entering into its FBS schools. A state of Texas GED is an acceptable posting of the documents required for acceptance into LSU.

    Given this data, it’s reasonable to assess that LSU’s football team is in effect a local team of mercenaries that do not face the same academic and educational responsibilities that any of their opponents besides Ole Miss, Auburn, and Mississippi State will face. So they’re not to be called student-athletes, and they’re able to show up competing with that advantage against Texas. I still like where we sit against them and their fans, both in this game and in life.

    “closetojumping, you seem awfully bullish about Texas facing a team with a new offensive juggernaut of an offense that dismantled a mighty 10 win team last weekend.”

    I keep hearing a couple of refrains from LSU visitors, the media talking heads, and the coelenterates cloaked in UT gear that surface themselves on the boards and at the proverbial water cooler. The mighty new offense is one of the bigger talking points as to why Texas shouldn’t even bother showing up this weekend.

    So LSU hired a guy that’s never actually been a coordinator of any sort and shoved him into the pedestrian Ensminger’s thinking, and asked those two to have a football baby. And we’re supposed to be concerned, especially after watching LSU publicly buttfuck the wizards of GA Southern. “Hey, GAS won 10 games last year, they’re strong.” Right. Their best win last year was against Appalachian State. They were blown out by ULM. So, no, pummeling a shithole team from the Sun Belt doesn’t do anything for me. I realize, given LSU’s troubles with the Sun Belt, this is a step up, like going from using an outhouse to having indoor plumbing.

    A wise philosopher once said that everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face. Installing a new offense with a nonbelieving head coach that panics when he sees his offenses actively using motion faces more peril than what a cupcake can present. When Texas sends LSU back to the sidelines after a couple of 3 and outs, let’s see how much resolve Brady and Ensminger have when Baron von Edward Beauregard Orgeron is heaving red bull and dirty rice flavored, spittle-loaded invective in their direction and regressing the offense back to 3 yards and a cloud of dust. Orgeron’s loomed like a gargoyle over the offensive strategy of his staff in every season of every stop he’s made as a head coach. It’s difficult to fathom that he’s shaken that monkey in one offseason because an analyst from the Saints was hired.

    The oldest running joke in college football is that LSU has opened up its offense. That punchline will be toasted again in the late hours of Saturday night.

    “CTJ, these LSU boys got that swagger though!!! They Sposed to be SEC!!!”

    A team hasn’t talked this much shit about an opponent since Miami prepared to face Penn State in the 1987 Fiesta Bowl. The media has certainly bathed LSU in Sazerac-flavored glory as the LSU idiots have fed them sound byte after sound byte.

    K’Lavon Chaisson and his 3 career sacks has pulled up in his shit smelling clown car and spouted off at the mouth to anyone who will listen. This guy must still be pissed that Tom Herman took up residence in his home for 8 hours and subjected him to bingewatching Friends.

    One of the linebackers has announced that they’re going to run over Sam Cosmi in 10 different ways. I can’t remember which one said it, and while my understanding is that their LB corps is apparently on par with 70’s Steelers, I don’t see a single fucking one that can sniff Devin White’s jock, and he’s long gone.

    Their entire DB unit has collectively rubbed its sandy vagina and moaned that Texas, a program that has put more than 60 DBs into the league, has the temerity to continue to claim a moniker that UT’s been using for 3 decades. The LSU DBs are hurt because history apparently started with Patrick Peterson and the fucking Honey Badger. Right. Sorry, LSU, we forgot you were there.

    All of the shit talking and chest beating is the same false bravado we witnessed in our last 2 endeavors against overrated SEC teams. They’re fucking great because they say they are. It’s got all the markings of a situation in which a team shows up, throws their helmets out on the field, and says “okay, we’re here, give us the W”. As Texas fans, we know it all too well, having seen that bullshit start with overhype at the turn of the decade and the UT teams of that period playing right into it.

    Herman lives for this kind of game and situation, and his team feeds off of it as well. Underdogs at home? Getting shittalked by clowns who’ve never shared the field with Texas? Big national audience? All those boxes are checked and the history of those circumstances tells us that Texas will be ready.

    Beyond the mental prep, or lack thereof, depending upon the side, there’s also a really simple exercise to think through here. If you had one game to win against a highly touted and talented opponent, which head coach would you want prepping the strategy for your team and hatching the gameplan – Tom Herman or Sir Edgar Beaujolais Orgeron, Esq.? Only LSU fans are dumb enough to claim they’d choose the latter.

    “OH NO closetojumping, you’ve doomed us to our fate!!”

    I mudhole posted about USC last year, if it makes you feel any better. Stop squatting to pee. Texas wins this game with a score closer than the way the game was actually played on the field – 31-24. I expect misdirection, tempo, and a steady diet of fat ass LSU defenders sucking wind. The Texas defense will sell out to stop the run and force Jesus Joe Burrow to swagger the passing game to a big night while the beached whales masquerading as offensive linemen attempt to fend off multiple blitzes in front of him.

    I look forward to seeing many hot and trashy Cajun females bawling after the game, barely speaking audible English, lamenting the beating their team just took. LSU players, apparently, will be looking forward to heading back to the lockerroom so they can continue to compare notes on how they’re going to rape each other, or whatever the fuck this is:

     

     

    Anyway, Hook'em


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    wild_turkey

    Posted

    Lots of rep to people in this thread. I’ve gone back and forth in the matchups on both sides, and there are arguments to be made for either team. What I do know is this:

    Tom Herman >>> Ed Orgeron

    Everyone agrees with that, even LSU. They tried to hire Herman and he left them standing at the alter for Texas. They cried about it, then Ed O was their pathetic rebound hire and they cried about that and secretly wished they still had Les. It’s pretty hard for anyone, even Tigers fans, to dispute this.

    Advantage Texas.

    • Like 2
    SHOOTER12

    Posted

    3 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:


    You see,Texas alumni have a thing called jobs. It’s not something you Boudreaux’s are real familiar with.

    The only work they do is running to the mailbox once a month to grab that sweet welfare check.

    Lat22

    Posted

    19 hours ago, mchookem said:

    hmm. these lsu trolls are terrible. where's Kyrie when you need him. 

    It’s alligator season. 

    Nivek

    Posted

    So scared, they are trying to prank call us to get an edge. Amazing group of pussies.

    Tex Long

    Posted

    8 minutes ago, Nivek said:

    So scared, they are trying to prank call us to get an edge. Amazing group of pussies.

    How's the food at LSU's hotel?

    mulletpelini

    Posted

    It is well known here of my game picking prowess.  I'm sorry, coonasses are gonna kick your horns in tomorrow.  Texas doesn't have a fucking prayer playing foosball with the devil.  That is all.

    • Like 1
    Fondren & Main

    Posted

    5 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

    It is well known here of my game picking prowess.  I'm sorry, coonasses are gonna kick your horns in tomorrow.  Texas doesn't have a fucking prayer playing foosball with the devil.  That is all.

    Sooner or later the house wins.  Tomorrow the house wins.

    • Like 1
    Bevo Num1

    Posted

    It is well known here of my game picking prowess.  I'm sorry, coonasses are gonna kick your horns in tomorrow.  Texas doesn't have a fucking prayer playing foosball with the devil.  That is all.
    Thanks mullet. Now go fuck yourself.
    Bone3421

    Posted

    Not sure if its a sign from god or what not...but as i was reading/posting about the game tomorrow looked over and saw this guy in field next to me72e309eb6ac4045b51826118402cab6c.jpg

     

     

    • Like 3
    Nivek

    Posted

    How's the food at LSU's hotel?

    Not sure. How can one distinguish between the LSU and the homeless?
    dcbc

    Posted

    56 minutes ago, Nivek said:


    Not sure. How can one distinguish between the LSU and the homeless?

    Cargo shorts.  The homeless wouldn't be caught dead in those things.

    • Like 1
    • Haha 1
    po elvis

    Posted

    31 minutes ago, dcbc said:

    Cargo shorts.  The homeless wouldn't be caught dead in those things.

    that reminds me. i need to do laundry.

    • Like 1
    • Haha 1
    Magabro

    Posted

    Texas is guaranteed to win, we have a secret weapon: my mom has gone to 10 Texas games in her life, and is 10-0 in attendance. That includes a Big XII championship and the game against KSU in the pouring rain. Texas cannot lose when she's in attendance.
    By contrast, my dad is a jinx. Every texas big texas football game he's gone to, they've lost.
    She's going to the game tomorrow. He is not. It's my birthday tomorrow, her's is next week. This is both of our birthday presents. We cannot lose.


    TEXAS!!!!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Walden Ponderer

    Posted

    2 hours ago, Tex Long said:

    How's the food at LSU's hotel?

    It's actually pretty decent in the restaurant, but that's not especially relevant since they'll be eating out of the dumpster out back.

    • Like 2
    • Haha 1
    Droopy

    Posted

    6 minutes ago, Magabro said:

     


    TEXAS!!!!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

     

    FIGHT!!!!

     

    🤘🏼🥳🤘🏼

    • Like 1
    rage-a-holic

    Posted

    7 hours ago, Hiphopopotamos said:

    You should make a prediction video.  Show off that PT Cruiser you rolled into town in.

    a.k.a. The Oklahoma Bugatti

    • Like 1
    Hagbard Celine

    Posted

    6 hours ago, dcbc said:

    My Zen Master response when anyone asks me how Texas is going to be this week/this year o if Texas "is back"

    Parcells-approved.

    Hagbard Celine

    Posted

    2 hours ago, Bone3421 said:

    Not sure if its a sign from god or what not...but as i was reading/posting about the game tomorrow looked over and saw this guy in field next to me72e309eb6ac4045b51826118402cab6c.jpg

     

     

    unnamed.jpg

    • Like 1
    DFW Horn

    Posted

    Quote

    And by that, I mean I expect Texas to stomp a deep and dirty mudhole painfully into the ass of these Cajun hillbillies and send them packing back to the swampy nether regions faster than you can spot corruption in their state government.

    * backwoods, cousin-humping rednecks

    FIFY - It is topographically impossible to be a swamp-dwelling Cajun and a hillbilly at the same time.

    atomheartbevo

    Posted

    8 minutes ago, DFW Horn said:

    * backwoods, cousin-humping rednecks

    FIFY - It is topographically impossible to be a swamp-dwelling Cajun and a hillbilly at the same time.

    Damned if they aren’t trying though!

    SKA the boss

    Posted

    ou Sucks.
    fcb
    Swamp aggy meet #8.





    So, so ready.

    mulletpelini

    Posted (edited)

    7 hours ago, BigXII said:

    Texas is guaranteed to win, we have a secret weapon: my mom has gone to 10 Texas games in her life, and is 10-0 in attendance. Texas cannot lose when she's in attendance.

    Damn, how many Rice games can one person see?

    Edited by mulletpelini
    I'm aware of the risks
    • Fuck You 1
    SEC

    Posted

    2 minutes ago, Hank_Hill said:

    Torched

    I remember when I was in college my mom came and visited me in 2006 which happened to line up with the Nebraska game in the snow. And I remember my mom telling me to "Shut up" during Ryan Bailey's kick because she was so into the game.

    Also, my brother went to Texas A&M, and in 2005 while I was at the aggy game, my dad and her were watching at home and when A&M went up for a bit in the fourth, my dad told her "If A&M wins this, it'll be one of the best games in their school history, you should be happy if this is an upset."

    To which she very incredulously replied, as my dad told me after, "Fuck Texas A&M."

    • Like 3
    immamac

    Posted

    not gonna lie your mom sounds boss as fuck

    • Like 3
    Hefeweizen

    Posted

    Fuck LSU.  My body is ready for today.

    Enchubben

    Posted

    8 minutes ago, BigXII said:

    I remember when I was in college my mom came and visited me in 2006 which happened to line up with the Nebraska game in the snow. And I remember my mom telling me to "Shut up" during Ryan Bailey's kick because she was so into the game.

    Also, my brother went to Texas A&M, and in 2005 while I was at the aggy game, my dad and her were watching at home and when A&M went up for a bit in the fourth, my dad told her "If A&M wins this, it'll be one of the best games in their school history, you should be happy if this is an upset."

    To which she very incredulously replied, as my dad told me after, "Fuck Texas A&M."

    Pics of mom?

    SEC

    Posted (edited)

    4 minutes ago, Enchubben said:

    Pics of mom?

    We're getting ready to leave right now for Austin, she is laughing at the posts ITT. She told me I better not put a picture of her online. But she's 68 years old, so only like Armybrat would approve.

    EDIT: Also, she works (yeah, my mom still works, at our local school district) with a bunch of LSU fans and thus she's super invested in this game, so she can "shut them the hell up."

    Edited by BigXII
    Walden Ponderer

    Posted

    Just now, BigXII said:

    We're getting ready to leave right now for Austin, she is laughing at the posts ITT. She told me I better not put a picture of her online. But she's 68 years old, so only like Armybrat would approve.

     

    Just post a picture of Helen Mirren and call it square. No one will be any the wiser, given the probable BAC of the typical Surlite at present.

    • Like 2
    Enchubben

    Posted

    9 minutes ago, BigXII said:

    We're getting ready to leave right now for Austin, she is laughing at the posts ITT. She told me I better not put a picture of her online. But she's 68 years old, so only like Armybrat would approve.

    EDIT: Also, she works (yeah, my mom still works, at our local school district) with a bunch of LSU fans and thus she's super invested in this game, so she can "shut them the hell up."

    No worries. Sounds like she has baggage (asshole kids) anyways 

    • Like 1
    SEC

    Posted

    1 minute ago, Enchubben said:

    No worries. Sounds like she has baggage (asshole kids) anyways 

    I was the third of three. I walked out, man.

    • Like 1
    Doc Reeves

    Posted

    11 hours ago, BigXII said:

    Texas is guaranteed to win, we have a secret weapon: my mom has gone to 10 Texas games in her life, and is 10-0 in attendance. That includes a Big XII championship and the game against KSU in the pouring rain. Texas cannot lose when she's in attendance.

    By contrast, my dad is a jinx. Every texas big texas football game he's gone to, they've lost.

    She's going to the game tomorrow. He is not. It's my birthday tomorrow, her's is next week. This is both of our birthday presents. We cannot lose.

    So we are going to win because of @bigxii’s mom?  

    Dear penthouse....

    Smax

    Posted

    Burnt orange sunrise in California this morning552498b3e29387c04720c6b340f3e7f9.jpg

    • Like 2
    Zavala

    Posted

    Lulz the bear on gameday likes LSU guys. 

    MVIMG-20190907-100528.jpg

     

    Jkwellborn

    Posted

    I’ll be glad when this week is over. Win or lose. Just to get the nutria fucking retards and aggy trolls back off the board.

    • Like 1
    Texassucksdick

    Posted

    On 9/6/2019 at 3:01 PM, SHOOTER12 said:

    Yeah, the all caps part, really showing off that high quality aggy edjumacashun there aren't you. Surely you must be an aggy english major.....or a four year old.

    IM BACKKKKKK LMFAO!!!!!! 

    • Fuck You 6
    OU Sucks

    Posted

    On 9/5/2019 at 3:04 PM, Texassucksdick said:

    You guys are worst then A&M, an that’s saying a lot! I’ll be back after the game to to see how y’all doing. Should be a fantastic melt. 

    Btw. LSU 38-13. 

    SECSECSEC!! 

    *worse than aggy, and*, you dumb fuck

    Neonmoon

    Posted

    This thread didn’t age well. 

    nineliveslost

    Posted

    texas will bounce back while LSU will rub their fake hurt cunts .... I think im drunk . dont care

    GotThatFire

    Posted

    4 hours ago, Neonmoon said:

    This thread didn’t age well. 

    Again.

    Does CTJ get off on this?  Please don’t do this anymore. 

    closetojumping

    Posted

    2 minutes ago, GotThatFire said:

    Again.

    Does CTJ get off on this?  Please don’t do this anymore. 

    Stop being a fucking pussy. The thread was fun as always. I can’t control for inexperienced CBs and a terrible defensive game plan.  Great game, nonetheless. If you’re blaming me, well, thanks for giving me that much power over you, but really, take up astrology or something. There are probably more powerful mystics in this world than me. 

    • Like 1
    GotThatFire

    Posted

    33 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

    Stop being a fucking pussy. The thread was fun as always. I can’t control for inexperienced CBs and a terrible defensive game plan.  Great game, nonetheless. If you’re blaming me, well, thanks for giving me that much power over you, but really, take up astrology or something. There are probably more powerful mystics in this world than me. 

    You’re definitely a jinxer. Just accept it and adjust. 

    bengalnutz

    Posted

    So how did this all work out for you?




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