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    Shadow Sark
    Oklahoma is fresh off its first off week of the season, and now it's time for the biggest game to date.
    That's right. It's Red River Rivalry week, as Oklahoma (4-1, 1-1 SEC) and Texas (5-0, 1-0) are set to square off in the Cotton Bowl for their annual rivalry game. Both teams are coming off a bye week, so the Sooners and Longhorns will both have had an extra week to recover, regroup and plan for Saturday's showdown in Dallas, which is set for a 2:30 p.m. start on ABC.
    Oklahoma heads into the game with its best defense in years but an offense that ranks toward the bottom of the SEC and in the bottom tier of FBS teams in several statistical categories. The Sooners hope the offense can start trending in the right direction coming out of the bye, as Michael Hawkins Jr. settles in as the team's starting quarterback after a promising first start at Auburn a week ago and a tenacious second-half showing against Tennessee's defense in the SEC opener.
     
    The Sooners will need to get their offense up to par heading into the teeth of their SEC slate, which begins with Saturday's matchup against the Longhorns. In this week's edition of Statistically Speaking, we check in on how Oklahoma stacks up in the SEC and nationally in various statistical categories coming off the bye week…
     
    STATISTICALLY SPEAKING
    RUSHING OFFENSE 
      SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     219.4 yards per game
    1st in Big 12
    10th
            2023 :
    182.2
    7th in Big 12
    34th
            After Temple :
    220
    5th
    38th
            After Houston :
    147.5
    12th
    79th
            After Tulane :
    159
    11th
    67th
            After Tennessee :
    128.3
    15th
    101st
            After Auburn :
    128.6
    16th
    103rd
            After 1st bye :
    128.6
    16th
    100th
            PASSING OFFENSE
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     254.6 yards per game
    5th in Big 12
    41st
            2023 :
    324.8
    1st in Big 12
    6th
            After Temple :
    158
    13th
    106th
            After Houston :
    166
    12th
    109th
            After Tulane :
    166.3
    13th
    114th
            After Tennessee :
    171.3
    14th
    111th
            After Auburn :
    169.2
    15th
    114th
            After 1st bye :
    169.2
    16th
    118th
            PASSING EFFICIENCY OFFENSE
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
    147.95
    3rd in Big 12
    30th
            2023 :
    167.53
    1st in Big 12
    6th
            After Temple :
    156.8
    11th
    58th
            After Houston :
    137.19
    12th
    72nd
            After Tulane :
    129.69
    13th
    90th
            After Tennessee :
    122.35
    15th
    103rd
            After Auburn :
    126.05
    15th
    96th
            After 1st bye :
    126.05
    15th
    100th
                    TOTAL OFFENSE
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     474.0 yards per game
    1st in Big 12
    13th
            2023 :
    507
    1st in Big 12
    3rd
            After Temple :
    378
    11th
    82nd
            After Houston :
    313.5
    14th
    108th
            After Tulane :
    325.3
    14th
    108th
            After Tennessee :
    299.5
    16th
    119th
            After Auburn :
    297.8
    16th
    122nd
            After 1st bye :
    297.8
    16th
    121st
            SCORING OFFENSE
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     32.8 points per game
    5th in Big 12
    31st
            2023 :
    41.7
    1st in Big 12
    4th
            After Temple :
    51
    8th
    22nd
            After Houston :
    33.5
    11th
    57th
            After Tulane :
    33.7
    9th
    49th
            After Tennessee :
    29
    15th
    103rd
            After Auburn :
    28.6
    14th
    73rd
            After 1st bye :
    28.6
    13th
    69th
            SACKS ALLOWED
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     31; 2.38 per game
    9th in Big 12
    80th
            2023 :
     20; 1.54 per game
    6th in Big 12
    35th
            After Temple :
     3; 3.00 per game
    14th
    103rd
            After Houston :
     6; 3.00 per game
    15th
    109th
            After Tulane :
     9; 3.00 per game
    14th
    114th
            After Tennessee :
     12; 3.00 per game
    14th
    116th
            After Auburn :
     14; 2.80 per game
    13th
    112th
            After 1st bye :
     14; 2.80 per game
    13th
    110th
                    THIRD-DOWN CONVERSIONS
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
    40.50%
    4th in Big 12
    49th
            2023 :
    49.20%
    2nd in Big 12
    7th
            After Temple :
    8.30%
    16th
    132nd
            After Houston :
    19.20%
    16th
    131st
            After Tulane :
    31.00%
    14th
    109th
            After Tennessee :
    28.10%
    16th
    124th
            After Auburn :
    26.90%
    16th
    127th
            After 1st bye :
    26.90%
    16th
    129th
            RED-ZONE OFFENSE
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
    84.00%
    7th in Big 12
    66th
            2023 :
    89.60%
    2nd in Big 12
    26th
            After Temple :
    100%
    1st
    1st
            After Houston :
    100%
    1st
    1st
            After Tulane :
    100%
    1st
    1st
            After Tennessee :
    94.10%
    5th
    26th
            After Auburn :
    94.70%
    2nd
    14th
            After 1st bye :
    94.70%
    5th
    20th
            RUSHING DEFENSE
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     187.5 yards per game
    9th in Big 12
    105th
            2023 :
    138.6
    3rd in Big 12
    42nd
            After Temple :
    69
    8th
    37th
            After Houston :
    63.5
    6th
    13th
            After Tulane :
    77.7
    6th
    22nd
            After Tennessee :
    96
    7th
    27th
            After Auburn :
    105.6
    7th
    30th
            After 1st bye :
    105.6
    4th
    27th
                    PASSING DEFENSE
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     273.5 yards per game
    10th in Big 12
    117th
            2023 :
    250.8
    10th in Big 12
    109th
            After Temple :
    125
    6th
    40th
            After Houston :
    194
    11th
    67th
            After Tulane :
    187
    10th
    58th
            After Tennessee :
    188.8
    8th
    51st
            After Auburn :
    218.6
    12th
    78th
            After 1st bye :
    218.6
    12th
    75th
            PASS EFFICIENCY DEFENSE
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
    128.2
    5th in Big 12
    58th
            2023 :
    118.62
    1st in Big 12
    17th
            After Temple :
    75
    4th
    12th
            After Houston :
    124.32
    13th
    77th
            After Tulane :
    116.31
    10th
    54th
            After Tennessee :
    123.94
    12th
    61st
            After Auburn :
    136.63
    13th
    91st
            After 1st bye :
    136.63
    12th
    91st
            TOTAL DEFENSE
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     461.0 yards per game
    9th in Big 12
    121st
            2023 :
    389.4
    6th in Big 12
    77th
            After Temple :
    197
    8th
    25th
            After Houston :
    257.5
    10th
    35th
            After Tulane :
    264.7
    8th
    27th
            After Tennessee :
    284.8
    9th
    28th
            After Auburn :
    324.2
    10th
    48th
            After 1st bye :
    324.2
    10th
    42nd
                    SCORING DEFENSE
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     30.0 points per game
    8th in Big 12
    98th
            2023 :
    23.5
    4th in Big 12
    46th
            After Temple :
    3
    7th
    14th
            After Houston :
    7.5
    6th
    15th
            After Tulane :
    11.3
    7th
    23rd
            After Tennessee :
    14.8
    8th
    26th
            After Auburn :
    16
    8th
    26th
            After 1st bye :
    16
    6th
    19th
            SACKS
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     28; 2.15 per game
    3rd in Big 12
    63rd
            2023 :
     24; 1.85 per game
    10th in Big 12
    86th
            After Temple :
     6; 6.00 per game
    1st
    6th
            After Houston :
     8; 4.00 per game
    2nd
    8th
            After Tulane :
     11; 3.67 per game
    2nd
    10th
            After Tennessee :
     14; 3.50 per game
    1st
    7th
            After Auburn :
     18; 3.60 per game
    1st
    3rd
            After 1st bye :
     18; 3.60 per game
    2nd
    5th
            THIRD-DOWN DEFENSE
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
    40.90%
    7th in Big 12
    87th
            2023 :
    31.10%
    3rd in Big 12
    14th
            After Temple :
    30.80%
    8th
    51st
            After Houston :
    28.60%
    7th
    36th
            After Tulane :
    30.20%
    7th
    36th
            After Tennessee :
    30.60%
    7th
    27th
            After Auburn :
    30.30%
    8th
    22nd
            After 1st bye :
    30.30%
    6th
    17th
                    RED-ZONE DEFENSE
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
    86.20%
    7th in Big 12
    88th
            2023 :
    81.00%
    5th in Big 12
    43rd
            After Temple :
    100%
    14th
    76th
            After Houston :
    100%
    15th
    86th
            After Tulane :
    100%
    14th
    101st
            After Tennessee :
    100%
    16th
    110th
            After Auburn :
    80%
    9th
    50th
            After 1st bye :
    80%
    6th
    45th
            NET PUNTING
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     43.08 net yards per punt
    1st in Big 12
              2023 :
    39.6
    7th in Big 12
    44th
            After Temple :
    43.8
    7th
    34th
            After Houston :
    43.15
    10th
    25th
            After Tulane :
    41.61
    9th
    35th
            After Tennessee :
    43.72
    6th
    13th
            After Auburn :
    43.97
    6th
    12th
            After 1st bye :
    43.97
    6th
    11th
            KICK RETURNS
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     19.79 yards per return
    6th in Big 12
    71st
            2023 :
    43
    7th in Big 12
    50th
            After Temple :
    0
    N.A
    N/A
            After Houston :
    10
    12th
    119th
            After Tulane :
    15.5
    13th
    106th
            After Tennessee :
    15.5
    14th
    108th
            After Auburn :
    17.33
    15th
    101st
            After 1st bye :
    17.33
    15th
    103rd
                    KICK RETURN DEFENSE
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     24.94 yards allowed per return
    10th in Big 12
    122nd
            2023 :
    18
    2nd in Big 12
    37th
            After Temple :
    18.33
    10th
    72nd
            After Houston :
    18.5
    11th
    71st
            After Tulane :
    18.5
    11th
    71st
            After Tennessee :
    14.8
    4th
    21st
            After Auburn :
    16.83
    8th
    37th
            After 1st bye :
    16.83
    7th
    34th
            PUNT RETURNS
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     14.08 yards per return
    1st in Big 12
    12th
            2023 :
    6.52
    10th in Big 12
    95th
            After Temple :
    13
    7th
    30th
            After Houston :
    8.75
    10th
    57th
            After Tulane :
    11.8
    5th
    39th
            After Tennessee :
    8.9
    11th
    67th
            After Auburn :
    8.09
    11th
    74th
            After 1st bye :
    8.09
    11th
    73rd
            PUNT RETURN DEFENSE
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     2.83 yards allowed per return
    3rd in Big 12
              2023 :
    4.69
    5th in Big 12
    25th
            After Temple :
     minus-5.00
    1st
    2nd
            After Houston :
     minus-3.75
    1st
    4th
            After Tulane :
     minus-3.00
    1st
    3rd
            After Tennessee :
     minus-0.43
    2nd
    6th
            After Auburn :
    1
    6th
    13th
            After 1st bye :
    1
    5th
    11th
                    TURNOVER MARGIN
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
     plus-6; 0.46 per game
    2nd in Big 12
    24th
            2023 :
     plus-6; 0.46 per game
    3rd in Big 12
    23rd
            After Temple :
     plus-6; 6.0 per game
    1st
    1st
            After Houston :
     plus-7; 3.5 per game
    1st
    1st
            After Tulane :
     plus-8; 2.67 per game
    1st
    2nd
            After Tennessee :
     plus-7; 1.75 per game
    1st
    3rd
            After Auburn :
     plus-8; 1.60 per game
    1st
    6th
            After 1st bye :
     plus-8; 1.60 per game
    1st
    3rd
            PENALTY YARDS PER GAME
              SEC rank
     FBS rank
    2022 :
    50.15
    9th in Big 12
    53rd
            2023 :
    58.46
    14th in Big 12
    97th
            After Temple :
    62
    13th
    93rd
            After Houston :
    64.5
    12th
    95th
            After Tulane :
    58
    7th
    77th
            After Tennessee :
    51.5
    4th
    60th
            After Auburn :
    56.8
    6th
    76th
            After 1st bye :
    56.8
    7th
    75th
     
    closetojumping
    Texas has spent the better part of the last 12 years getting sand kicked in its face and told it isn't good enough, or it isn't back, or its boosters are meanies holding down the program or that Austin is a cesspool.
    You name the kind of derisive, condescending shit-talking someone in the media, or representative of another fanbase, or even writing as a UT reporter but needing to pay off gambling or IRS debts, could say about the Texas football program, and it has been said. 
    This all started on the evening of January 7th, 2010, just after that dirty, impish grandmother molesting Nick Saban sacrificed what is rumored to be a live chicken and a dead rhino to Lamashtu The Eraser, in exchange for the greatest dynastic run in CFB history, beginning with the immediate demise of Texas via an early injury to its star QB and leader, Colt McCoy. 
    Twelves Years a Knave is a run too long for any blue blood program to endure. It all ends this weekend, right where it started, in front of God, Country, Longhorn Nation, all of US sports media, and that dark, tiny ankle-biter himself, Nick Saban. 
    "But closetojumping, Alabama is the #1 team in the country!! They’re a juggernaut!"
    Yeah, yeah, I get it. Alabama is 10 feet tall and shoots lightning bolts from its arse. They're favored by 20.5 points on the road. Right.
    It’s true, when you look at what Bama does on the road against non-conference opponents, it’s quite intimidating. I think we all remember the last time they went on the road into unfriendly non-SEC confines in the year … (checks notes) … 2011.
    That’s right, Bama hasn’t played a legitimate non-conference game on the road since 2011. That means there are like 4 people currently involved with the program who have actually been a part of Bama going into unfamiliar territory with an overwhelmingly hostile crowd and no “gentleman’s agreement” creature comforts. In fact, in Saban’s entire 15 year tenure, Bama has gone on the road OOC exactly twice – against the mighty Duke Blue Devils in 2010 (62-13) and to Happy Valley in 2011 (27-11) while the PSU child molestation scandal was roiling under the surface within the football program.
    For all of the SEC tough talk about what brutal opponents they are to the outside world, they’re a generally inward-looking and thinking collection of programs and people, and Bama is no different. Hell, the last two times they played Big 12 opponents, they didn’t exactly run them out of the buildings on neutral sites – WVU 2014 (33-23) and OU 2018 (45-34).
    But, hey, maybe that is all ancient history and Alabama is lately a rolling ball of butcherknives when it comes to real road games, right? Let’s look at how largely the same team playing this weekend did in 2021. They played road games against UF (31-29), ATM (38-41), MSU (49-9), and Auburn (24-22 in quadruple OT).
    The Miss State game was the week after they shit themselves on the road against ATM. The other 3 games involved a mediocre UF team going for 2 to tie it late, ATM embarrassing them for 60 minutes, and Auburn’s Tank Bigsby going out of bounds like an imbecile to giftwrap a Bama comeback to tie a game that Auburn dominated. Does Texas face the team that lost to ATM the last time they were in Texas, or the team that rolled a hapless MSU the following week?
    “But CTJ, Texas lacks the talent to keep up with the Bama Machine!!??!”
    For the first time in a very long time, Texas will be going up against an elite team and will not have a major talent gap at multiple positions by comparison. In fact, Texas has more starting talent than Bama at multiple positions going into this game.
    1)     Bama’s OL is an untested pile of poo. They are going to gargle our collective balls after being left in a state of rubble by the “greatest OL coaching hire in college history”, Doug Marrone. Anyone who watched them against Utah State witnessed the OL struggling to get push against the USU front seven. Bama’s leading rusher in the game was Bryce Young and that isn’t a result of either Young being an amazing scrambler or Bama taking it easy with their TBs against the G5 program. Texas’ DL will face more complete OLs this season than the one they face on Saturday.
    2)     Bama’s WRs and TEs should scare no one. This isn’t 2019. Bama hasn’t had this weak a group of TEs in over a decade, and that’s even if Latu plays. The WRs aren’t substantially more formidable. Burton is fine, but he’s not keeping anyone awake at night. Prentice looks good but he’s not Waddle. After that, shit gets dicey.
    3)     The defensive line for Alabama isn’t up to its usual snuff. The 3 interior DL positions are manned by big bodies, but also guys that haven’t gone pro yet because they weren’t good enough to do so. By Bama standards, that should give every opponent some upside in expectations. Of course their outside guys, Anderson and Turner, are all anyone on this board wants to shit themselves over, but they’re two guys. The interior doesn’t command a double team, so energy can be focused in supporting the outside.
    4)     Texas has elite talent at TB, WR, and TE. It has potentially elite talent at QB, OT, and OG. Sarkisian is one of the best offensive playcallers in football. He has the talent and depth at key positions which will enable him to create interesting match-ups even for a talented defense like Bama.
    5)     Bill O’Brien is a meatheaded asshole chugger. BOB is in the process of doing what he does. He’ll continue to degrade his unit on a yearly basis until there is simply nothing left. Saban won’t allow for that, but he’s let him stay on another year after sniffing around in the market and not liking his other options. That serves to our benefit, as we should expect turtled playcalling and a general lack of creativity. For a defense still trying to find reliable footing, O’Brien is the ideal OC at a place like Bama for Texas to face.
    “closetojumping, these guys are SEC! SEC! SEC! and I am not sure our stadium can handle their ferocity!?!”
    The last time a “greatest team ever” from the SEC marched into the confines of DKR, Texas was a dropped touchdown pass via a gimpy and weak-willed Keontay Ingram away from ruining their plans.
    As mentioned earlier, this is a program that is unused to walking into a foreign, angry fanbase 100,000+ strong and hell bent on turning the tide of 12 Years a Knave, bestowed upon us by their dark lord of a head coach in the first place. I don’t expect Bama to cringe or crumple under the pressure, but I do expect them to be at an inherent disadvantage. I also don’t expect to see many Alabama fans in attendance, simply because most of them have to work in the service industry on weekends and these tickets and Austin travel are also quite expensive for a base of largely minimum wage workers.
    Also, we’re fucking due. Storied programs are forged and burnished by deliverance when the spotlight and sun burn brightest. Our time for ascension is here, goddammit, and it is long overdue time for Nick Saban and his waterheaded following of fucktards to go to hell and give the rest of college football some fucking space to breathe.
    I believe the great Texas freedom fighter Davey Crockett said it best, specifically thinking about the cowering brethren he was leaving behind as he headed out when he said: “Alabama Fans and the rest of these God forsaken SEC mouthbreathers can actually all go to hell. As for us, we’re going with Texas – 34-31. “
    Hook’em
     
    RGBIII
    Enough bitching, enough sitting on the sidelines, CDC isn't doing fucking dick but we can! Introducing Surly Horns Burnt Ends NIL Program. This is how we make a difference, if we can get enough interest and hit the numbers that we forecasted, that is a huge step towards getting at least one position group taken care of (possibly two pending interest and people actually putting their money where their mouths are) with the hopes that others will follow with other less appreciated position groups. Bijan, Card, even guys like Jamison and Overshown won't have issues getting paid when the NIL is fully rolled out (hopefully fucking soon, looking at you @closetojumping)or when CDC gets his head pulled out of his ass (Doubtful, fucking moron).
    Next Steps, I gauge interest through this article and see what the financials actually look like (You won't be charged dick till this shit actually gets rolled out), we get a liaison in the TE room to help facilitate scheduling, we get this bitch through compliance (Don't think this should be an issue but....), then we start to roll it out to the TEs! All the profit is going directly to the TEs, and the website will be handling the money (No Ketch bullshit). We will mail everyone's Cups and stickers and shit once things have been rolling. We will need some help designing a logo (paging @TreatyOak). This is a great opportunity for us to have some fun with the NIL, get some kids some cash legally and above board, help improve TE recruiting and keep talented TEs on the team and out of the portal. If you have any suggestions, questions or grievances shoot me and @immamac a DM. This is how we help!
     








    Burnt Ends- NIL Program.pptx
    SimonBolivar
    It's here again bitches. This month there is mother fucking college football and while this is normally slow season we at least have some entertainment in realignment to keep us occupied until the season begins. My favorite thread every year is time to go...
    All times Central and the bold are my scheduled viewing...
    Week 0-
    Saturday August 28:
    Nebraska at Illinois    12:00 pm    FOX (cable) / FOX Video
    Hawaii at UCLA    2:30 pm    ESPN / ESPN Video
    Eastern Illinois at Indiana State    5:00 pm    TBA
    Alcorn vs. NC Central    6:00 pm    ESPN / ESPN Video
    UConn at Fresno State    TBA    CBSSN / CBS Video
    UTEP at New Mexico State    8:30 pm    Bally Spots / $Flo Video
    Southern Utah at San Jose State    9:00 pm    CBSSN / CBS Video
    It'll be weird to see Nebby start the season @ Illinois for college football. Both teams are expected to be fairly bad, so this might be the only time I watch either team other than that glorious 11AM matchup for NU/OU. Hawaii will score 35 on UCLA but UCLA will score 52 and that should be fun. UConn @ Fresno should be an interesting matchup that you don't see too often. UTEP @ New Mexico State are both terrible but it's a rivalry even if it's a bigger basketball rivalry. We've had worse 0 weeks.
     
    Week 1-
    Wednesday September 1:
    UAB vs. Jacksonville State (Montgomery, AL)6:30pm ESPN / ESPN Video
    Better than nothing and a regional rivalry where both schools have had great success at their level. I really enjoy watching Bill Clark at UAB so I'm interested to see what level they're at this year. It's college football on tv.
     
    Thursday September 2:
    Temple at Rutgers    5:30 pm    BTN / FOX Video
    Boise State at UCF    6:00 pm    ESPN / ESPN Video
    Appalachian State vs. East Carolina (Charlotte, NC)    6:30 pm    ESPNU / ESPN Video
    South Florida at NC State    6:30 pm    ACC Network / / ESPN Video
    Bowling Green at Tennessee    7:00 pm    SEC Network / ESPN Video
    Ohio State at Minnesota    7:00 pm    FOX (cable) / FOX Video
    Eastern Washington at UNLV    9:00 pm    FSN / Stadium (affiliates) / FSGo Video
    Southern Utah at Arizona State    9:30 pm    Pac-12 / Pac-12 Video
    Weber State at Utah    TBA    Pac-12 / Pac-12 Video
    Great set for the first Thursday with a rivalry in Temple @ Rutgers and then a future Big 12 battle between Boise @ UCF looks to be a blast and game of the night. I'm interesting in seeing how ECU is progressing and Appalachian State @ ECU will be a great uniform game with some good scoring. The BigTen game will probably be a blow out, but row the boat is always a wildcard. I guess y'all can watch Tennessee against one of the worst FBS teams there is to scout your future UT nemesis.
     
    Friday September 3-
    North Carolina at Virginia Tech    5:00 pm    ESPN / ESPN Video
    Duke at Charlotte    6:00 pm    CBSSN / CBS Video
    Old Dominion at Wake Forest    6:00 pm    ACC Network / ESPN Video
    Michigan State at Northwestern    8:00 pm    ESPN / ESPN Video
    Northern Colorado at Colorado    8:00 pm    Pac-12 / Pac-12 Video
    South Dakota State at Colorado State    8:00 pm    FS1 / FSGo
    Games online only or not scheduled for nationally available networks.
    South Dakota at Kansas    7:00 pm    $espn+ Video
     
    Fun little Friday with two good games and then a Big 12 showing where KU will probably lose to South Dakota. UNC @ VaTech is going to be a great one and I know Northwestern wants revenge on Michigan State for their upset over them last year. Damn good opening Friday, but I have to admit if they could have Colorado vs Colorado State instead of those FCS games it would be a bit better.
     
    Saturday September 4-
    Army at Georgia State    11:00 am    ESPNU / ESPN Video
    Colgate at Boston College    11:00 am    ACC Network / / ESPN Video
    Fordham at Nebraska    11:00 am    BTN / FOX Video
    Holy Cross at UConn    11:00 am    CBSSN / CBS Video
    Kansas State vs. Stanford (in Arlington)    11:00 am    FS1 / FSGo
    Louisiana Monroe at Kentucky    11:00 am    SEC Network / ESPN Video
    Oklahoma at Tulane    11:00 am    ABC (cable) / espn3 Video
    Penn State at Wisconsin    11:00 am    FOX (cable) / FOX Video
    Western Michigan at Michigan    11:00 am    ESPN / ESPN Video
    Fresno State at Oregon    1:00 pm    Pac-12 / Pac-12 Video
    Lafayette at Air Force    1:00 pm    FSN / Stadium (affiliates) / FSGo Video
    Alabama vs. Miami (Atlanta)    2:30 pm    ABC (cable) / espn3 Video
    Indiana at Iowa    2:30 pm    BTN / FOX Video
    Marshall at Navy    2:30 pm    CBSSN / CBS Video
    West Virginia at Maryland    2:30 pm    ESPN / ESPN Video
    Central Michigan at Missouri    3:00 pm    SEC Network / ESPN Video
    Louisiana Tech at Mississippi State    3:00 pm    ESPNU / ESPN Video
    UMass at Pittsburgh    3:00 pm    ACC Network / / ESPN Video
    Louisiana Lafayette at Texas    3:30 pm    FOX (cable) / FOX Video
    San Jose State at USC    4:00 pm    Pac-12 / Pac-12 Video
    Oregon State at Purdue    6:00 pm    FS1 / FSGo
    Syracuse at Ohio    6:00 pm    CBSSN / CBS Video
    Texas Tech at Houston    6:00 pm    ESPN / ESPN Video
    Clemson vs. Georgia (Charlotte, NC)    6:30 pm    ABC (cable) / espn3 Video
    Florida Atlantic at Florida    6:30 pm    SEC Network / ESPN Video
    Northern Illinois at Georgia Tech    6:30 pm    ACC Network / / ESPN Video
    UTSA at Illinois    6:30 pm    BTN / FOX Video
    Kent State at Texas A&M    7:00 pm    ESPNU / ESPN Video
    Montana at Washington    7:00 pm    Pac-12 / Pac-12 Video
    LSU at UCLA    7:30 pm    FOX (cable) / FOX Video
    Arizona vs. BYU (Las Vegas)    9:30 pm    ESPN / ESPN Video
    Nevada at California    9:30 pm    FS1 / FSGo
    New Mexico State at San Diego State    9:30 pm    CBSSN / CBS Video
    Utah State at Washington State    10:00 pm    Pac-12 / Pac-12 Video
     
    I'll be at the Baylor @ Texas State game so I'll miss most of what looks to be one of the best opening Saturdays we've seen in a long time outside of what I can watch at the tailgate. There are just a plethora of great games. We're going to need about 5 screens at any given time with this schedule. Usually on the opening Saturday you're struggling at the 2:30 mark to find a decent game, but every time slot is full of fantastic games.
     
    Sunday, September 5th-

    Florida A&M vs. Jackson State    2:00 pm    ESPN2 / ESPN Video
    Grambling vs. Tennessee State    3:00 pm    TBA
    Cramton Bowl: Fort Valley State vs. Tuskegee    6:00 pm    ESPNU / ESPN Video
    Notre Dame at Florida State    6:30 pm    ABC (cable) / espn3 Video
     
    Early game is Prime Time coaching against FAMU so we have to see how that is going and Notre Dame @ FSU needs no introduction.
     
    Monday, September 6th-
    Louisville vs. Ole Miss (Atlanta)7:00 pmESPN / ESPN Video
     
    Hell yeah why the fuck not
     
     
    TL;DR- It's fucking football time
     
     
    http://www.lsufootball.net/tvschedule.htm
    THUJONE
    *I have returned from my slumber. And before anyone says shit about the fact that I have obviously moved on from my original medium, just know that if I had to finger bang a touch pad one more time, I was never doing this again. So with that said, enjoy the show, you degenerates.
     







































    immamac
    The most interesting thing other than the Bijan run (which we will get into later) that happened this last week is that WE FINALLY SOLVED THE MYSTERY. We figured out who Steve Sarkisian looks like.
       
     
    Blammo, we can not put it to bed. I know it has been bothering Longhorn Fans all over the world ever since Sark was announced to be the new HFC at the Great University of Texas. 
    Back to your regularly scheduled badassery. Check this run out.
    If this doesn't get the blood pumping to your special parts, then you don't like longhorn football and you can now close out the article, because what we are about to talk about is only for those willing to enter the Burnt Orange Cathedral that Bijan and Co. are building.
    Bijan Robinson is the truth, he cuts on turf like a tarpon darts through the shallows off the coast. He is truly in his element on the field and it's going to be something special to watch in the upcoming season.
    But wait, this grown ass man would like a word:

    RoJo should still starts - he isn't RB2 at this point, due to his incredible physicality and gift for creating yards where there are none to be had. There will be a true 2 headed monster coming out of the Texas Backfield this Fall and it's going to be glorious. 
    I almost forgot in all the excitement to talk about SCHOOLER switching to safety. Yep, you heard that right - he is officially moving away from WR and moving to Safety for the '21 season. 
    I mean check out these 2 mean ass dudes, BJ Foster and Kitan Crawford - these dudes look ready to shut down anything coming their way.

    With that we get into pure and rampant speculation because we have absolutely dick to go off of as far as film, or anything else. The 9.95ers got the opportunity for some media availability with Sark, Okafor and Gbenda. All completely worthless information given in all the interviews. 
    Sark's summary could be - he's not bummed about what he sees and thinks that the team is responding well to his regime and the way they do things.
    Okafor's summary could be - I want Casey to starts, I like to play football, the NFL may be a thing for me now that I don't have a completely shit coach after having 4 OL coaches in his time here through 3 regimes.
    Gbenda's summary could be - You all know I'm not as good as some of the great linebackers, but I'm trying to be real good. 
    We had a CTJ sighting, basically giving us all a glimpse into how we need to feel going into next season:
    and with that we have basically ended the week knowing absolutely nothing more than we knew last week. Things around the program and with the players definitely feel  much different than past years. Maybe...just maybe we will get a glimpse of some real footage when All Access returns on the 23rd, right before the spring game on the 24th!
    I'll again leave you with my current mood. Beast Mode: Bring it.

     
    Hook 'Em
    immamac
    As we wrap up the first week of full pads, full speed practice I thought it would be a good time to give our surly readers something to digest over the weekend and going into next week. 
    In true 9.95er fashion, I'm going to make up all kinds of things and nothing, I mean nothing in this post is going to be worth a damn as far as insider information is concerned, but it's going to get your blood pumping and make you think you know a lot more than anyone actually does about what is going on in spring practice.
    That being said, lets start here.
    I mean wow is all I can say. Can Sark change his entire offense to just be punting on first down every time? I am pretty sure that after watching this video even when punting on first down that the team. Just kidding - in all seriousness did you see how fun they have made running sprints in practice?
    D'Shawn Jamison is a grown ass man, and it looks like his teammates are loving what they are seeing. One common thread that we can see from the absolute control that LHN and Longhorn Social Media has put out is the level of physicality in practice is among the highest we've ever been able to witness. No "Country Club" atmosphere to be seen.
    There is also a strange aura glowing around each of the players as they have media availability. It's a mix of excitement, nerves, trust and swagger that combine into something that gives us a glimpse into how the leaders are perceiving this coaching staff. There is a common theme in every one of the players and what they say, Faith. Something that is even stronger than trust is the foundation that is being laid out by the staff right now and the more we see the players trusting their teammates, their coaches and themselves the stronger that faith will become. 
    Other things and happenings, we have a sighting of Hudson Card's teeny tiny hands, slangin' what seem to be perfect spirals down field. We get glimpses of passes down field from snaps from inside the program like this one from Josh Moore's snapchat:
    The defensive side of the ball is getting adjusted to it's new scheme, but what is really impressive is how freakish the athletes are and how quick they are to commit to changing their bodies or positions in order to win. Keondre Coburn is now on record talking about what his playing weight needs to be and his goal is to stay on the field for as many snaps as possible without being tired or having to rotate out. We have Tyler Owens shifting around trying out different positions. We have Jacoby Jones flying all over the practice squad stunting on people and most unexpected of all, fresh blood from the outside, Ray Thornton being the guy stepping up to fill in Ossai's role of BAMF.
     
     
    There is a lot to be really excited about right now, the players know it, the fans know it, the athletic department knows it and most of all the coaches know it. I don't think Sark was expecting to have as deep and as talented of a team, I also don't think he knew how hard the key players and leaders were willing to work in order to starts.
    As cheesy as it sounds, one thing that really resonated with me from the completely open and transparent conversation we had with Shark McCulloch was how serious Sam was all the time. I can't help but think that mentality permeated those that remained and the way every single player talks about Sam and the void he left from a leaders perspective, they talk about the new guys that are filling that void. 
    Speaking of voids that needed to be filled. Another exciting thing happening around the program this week has been the open invitation of some of the most successful Longhorns to step foot on the 40 acres to come back. Listen to what they have to say.
     
     
    There has only been a handful of times that have been this exciting in the offseason to be a Longhorn fan, we have a lot to look forward to. Build the Burnt Orange Cathedral and may we have Faith in the Longhorns once again. I'm going to leave you with my mood right now, All Gas No Brakes.
     
    Hook 'Em 
    RGBIII
    I am 2 bottles of wine deep and just switched to vodka but I have to get this stream of consciousness out now otherwise it will die within my drunken mind. Sorry @immamac if I am not doing the article thing right. But anyway, I have been reflecting heavily on this coaching hiring/firing and where all the 995ers have been receiving their info, given their info and basically what they have been told and when. Like I said, I am drunk and liable to get drunker by the time I hit submit, however I think I have a good bead on these aspects and I am looking for your feedback to see what needs to be changed. For reference, I am a subscriber to IT, TFB and 247 but obviously Surly is my bottom bitch and that Oatmeal Cream Pie Puta Ketch will never receive a dime of my money as long as I live, and the only reason I subscribe to the rest is to post to Surly because as you will soon see...they are worthless (besides IT to an extent). So pour another Cutty Sark, order another McRib and Let's GO!
    -OB-Fudge Round Fucker(aka Ketch)-Lets start with the one I know the least about and have no interest in learning more...there are a select few on this board that have posted Jiggly Goochs info on this site (don't blame y'all for going on OB....but also it is a terrible life decision) but the message I have seen, has been consistent of...they literally don't know shit. Ketch ran with the bullshit CDC statement, same as FCB and others, however he was the first to 995er to hedge. I recently listened to his YAK podcast (Fuck me, that is how slow work was last week) and he could not have back pedaled faster unless there was a snickers within his prereferral vision ...basically he blamed CDC for not being in control and wholly seemed out of the loop.  Some of his posts seemed legit ripped from IT, this was days after they posted the info. I think OB hitched their wagon to Herman early, and once the Herman train left the station they were left scrambling, (Anwar being Hermans mouthpiece was adorable). Simply put, they are worthless...HEY KETCH, EAT MY FUCKING HONEY BUN ASSHOLE (Receiving info from admin/CDC and some donors who have lost their self respect)
    -AAS- Good God Damn...I don't think they even deserve a section but some dumb ass will comment if I don't. Brian Davis and Kurt Bowels are the most worthless "journalists:" that call Austin home. They need to be disregarded fully, they are fed information that Texas higher ups needs to be shared, otherwise the only info they may have is the new special at El Arroyo or some funny cat video. They should be disregarded entirely in all facets of media, unless they do actually find a funny cat video then hit my PMs. Hey Brian Davis and Kunt Bowels...EAT MY FUCKING TAINT!  (They know less than a devout member of the Amish community)
    -TFB- Ok @OnAComputer yall surprised the hell out of me. I completely disregarded your coaching search sources as well as yall throwing out Sark as an option....let alone as the favorite as Super K stated damn near a month ago...I am legit impressed... HOWEVER, you also ran with the CDC bullshit and recently ran with the whole Texas is going to retain Herman and then back pedaled and said that Herman could be replaced almost 60% or better....I enjoy TFB a lot for recruiting and they may be the best bunch of dudes in the 995 sea but there is something missing in their coverage. Also why is there no board on your site? I need more unverified/unknowledgeable  random strangers to post some shit (Good dudes and honestly shocked they have been this accurate)
    -247- FUCK YOU CHIP BROWN, YOU ARE A MISERABLE FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO NOBODY LIKES! YOU ARE A MOUTHPIECE OF CDC, I WOULD CALL YOU A LAP DOG BUT PEOPLE LIKE DOGS! AND NO ONE LIKES YOU! IMAGINE WORKING YOUR ENTIRE LIFE TO CREATE SOMETHING AWESOME AND THEN BEING SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT THAT YOU COULD NEVER REALIZE THAT DREAM. NO ONE LIKES YOU, YOUR COLLEAGUES DON'T LIKE YOU, YOU DO NOT HAVE FRIENDS AND YOU DO NOT HAVE SUPPORTERS. YOU WERE FED ONE KERNEL OF INFO SOLELY BASED ON YOU ACTING LIKE A FUCKING LAP DOG. YOU REPORTED THAT HERMAN WAS RETURNING AND YOU IMMEDIATELY BACKPEDALED. YOU ARE NOT A JOURNALIST, YOU ARE NOT A NEWS BREAKING REPORTER, YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE JOKE. IF I WAS IN CHARGE AND YOU WERE MY ONLY OPTION TO REPORT NEWS, I WOULD YELL OBSCENTITIES INTO A WHOOPIE CUSHION AND LET MARK MANGINO SIT ON IT INSTEAD OF FEEDING YOU.... FUCK YOU CHIP, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE WORTH....Apologies to Mike Roach, Nick Harris, Jeff Howe and the others on the Longhorn Blitz, yall are awesome and I cannot wait for yall to get poached by a semi decent site....FUCK CHIP BROWN!
    -IT- Burton has been a complete game changer for them in terms of credibility and connections. They were the ONLY site to state that Herman was out regardless of any other scenarios.  All other sites ran with the CDC narrative but IT did  not budge whatsoever....that said they also were not the first to report Sark or that Herman was gone. I think they may have ran a foul of CDC and Admin solely because of their unwavering. It is so brutally honest who was fed by admin and who wasn't. Obviously IT is getting fed by the BMDs   but if they are the ones making the move than we know who we need to be paying attention to. Between Nahlin and Burton, they have the only information I pay attention to out of the 995er world. The admin seems to not be as favorable however...
    - Surly- I am drunk, you are drunk, we can remain drunk...hopefully Sark doesn't. Let's go hire a fucking baller ass staff and win some big ass games. FUCK OU, FUCK AGGY, FUCK CHIP BROWN! HOOK EM!

     
    'stache
    Horrible bowl name, but the best matchup outside the NY6 (only one involving two ranked team). We're apparently favored by 1 point. Not sure why. Hubbard won't play. Tylan Wallace will play. Spencer Sanders is still a turnover machine. Gundy tends to let loose in meaningless bowl games so maybe we will actually have a decent offensive performance. Either way, hopefully it's a good mid-afternoon game before you guys throttle Colorado. 


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