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The one week a year where I get to just be a fan A lot of you probably read my post from last weeks absolute shitshow of a weekend. I remember telling my wife on the phone on the way to the Lambda Chi house at UF when she asked if I was still going to Dallas with my oldest Gunnar the next weekend. I told her honestly “I don’t fucking know”, I was so defeated and mentally exhausted from everything that had just transpired. The season felt over to me, Oklahoma did not seem like they sucked this season and if they beat Texas that next Saturday the season was actually over in trainwreck fashion before the second half of the year. Then I got drunk about it with a bunch of kids from a “basketball school”. Within hours of being a complete pussy about even going to the game that I circle on the calendar and look forward to more than any other game every year I am back mentally where I needed to be. I fire off an it’s 11:35AM ET and ou STILL SUCKS text to the Burnt Ends, to which I promptly receive an appropriate two word response from the locker room. FUCK OU! I immediately change the site motto to these wise words, board my plane back to Austin and look forward to what is supposed to be the best week of shit talking in sports. There’s all kinds of hate week threads that pop up, namely the annual GIF thread, the Oklahoma head coach <insert something unhatable here> thread and inevitably the hate filled haiku thread. Everything about this week is fantastic and it always culminates with me getting to spend some time as a normal fan with some of my closest friends watching the game and drinking all the wax cup beer they will let me. I barely miss flag football, but make it home in time to spend the majority of the day with the family. My wife goes to a movie and I get the kids for the evening, my ankle is jacked from all the walking I did trying to sell tickets so I can’t do much chasing, but get into our pool which is a refresher. Settling in for the week ahead and feeling pretty good about it by the time I crawl in bed. “Sorry I’m not going to make it for ou” I get word/confirmation from my best friend he’s bailing on TX ou weekend, not that I give a single fuck about any excuses, but he has a 7 month old at home. I do my best to convince him to come anyway to no avail. The hangover that never came from the party in the swamp is showing up in my life in the form of harsh realities that stem directly from what happened there. I’m getting nothing but bad news, bad vibes and when I come to Surly instead of a bunch of ou focused shit talk it’s a complete fucking meltdown. I join the meltdown for a day until… ASSWATER The absolute catharsis that came from watching this video in it’s entirety and the reminder it served on how much I really just fucking hate ou. I turn a corner and start to really ratchet up things. Texting my friends, getting ready for the weekend and planning what’s going to go on, generally getting my mind right. By Wednesday I’m on a full on tear – I’m tired of all the pussy shit I’m seeing all over the board and I start to lose it on everyone. I have to go to Jonestown to pick up all the tailgate shit that got muled back from Florida and have breakfast with @DanTheHorn, he can tell you that my excitement for the weekend is becoming overwhelming and I can’t wait until Friday to leave, me and my oldest son Gunnar take off Thursday night after dinner ~5:30PM as he doesn’t have school Friday or Monday. Buc-cee’s is fucking awesome #wishIwassponsored We make it to Temple before we need to gas up, so I take Gunnar to Buc-cee’s for the first time ever. He’s losing it and gets a sliced brisket sandwich and a cherry lime soda. I’m building core memories for what it means to do TX/ou weekend for the rest of his life. It’s not just about the game, it’s about everything around it including the trip up. It’s why College Football hits different, and it’s what being a true degenerate Texas Longhorns fan is all about. 20251009_204321.mp4 Traffic is ASSWATER We hit delay after delay, it’s wild that the Thursday before the game we are in so much traffic and we don’t get to Fort Worth to stay with my parents until 9:45 at night. A 4:15 drive that should have taken 3:30 with our stop. Whatever I’m buzzin’ at this point I’m in the metroplex and I know I have a big weekend ahead so I zonk out ASAP. IT’S FRIDAY BEFORE TX/ou MOTHER FUCKERS I have a pretty easy weekend Itinerary: 1. Get to Dallas and eat a late lunch/early dinner at Campisis with @BurntEyes, as is tradition. 2. Get to Lee Harvey’s around 5PM to kick the weekend off with some of my favorite people 3. Dinner plans 8PM at Loro in Dallas with 2 of my best friends who live in the city. 4. Party until there’s no more party 5. Scoop my Mom and Son up at ~8:40 from the TRE station in Dallas 6. Park and head into the Fair by 9:30 7. Beat the absolute hell out of ou at 2:30 8. Send Mom and Son home in my car 9. Go out and party some more 10. Get home by 12:30 for Flag Football Sunday I get up and I’m completely healed of whatever ailment I had from the swamp, there is no malaise here there’s nothing but love for the longhorns and hate in my heart for the sooners. I’ve got a bunch of work shit I need to get done, but it doesn’t phase me and I’m blowing through it. I don’t have that much from a commitment perspective going on, but I still had stuff that I wanted to get done before ultimately going out and partying until somehow I made it to the fair on Saturday. I take off for Dallas. I look like Hagrid from Harry Potter I meant to go get a beard trim to look like I haven’t been in the woods for a month before heading up to Dallas and just didn’t end up doing it before I was there. I start calling barber shops on I-30 corridor all the way to Dallas to see if anyone has some walk in availability to get it done. No one really does, until Dallas – I find this place and walk in, sit down in the barber chair and tell them beard trim and shampoo me I’m kicking off a weekend bender. I bullshit with the barber while he’s trimming and edging me up – I don’t have my glasses on and I usually just trust these folks they were legitimate and he was on top of it. I know it’s not going to be like any other beard trim I’ve gotten when he pulls out the stencil thing and starts marking up the lines. Nice – I’m gonna be fresh AF. Now I have mostly experience with places like SHED in Austin, hipster barber shops for mainly white people. This place serviced a bit of a different demographic (Read: Black and Hispanic). He washes my hair and makes it look pretty awesome. I put my glasses back on and I have to laugh a little bit – I’m edged up like Bad Bunny. lol thin ass mustache and low cheek beard. Much better, but not the “Mel Gibson” he told me he gave me. lol. Head to Campisis and tell @BurntEyes to order ahead as I’m running about 15-20 minutes behind. Get to Campisis and it’s nowhere near the same buzz in there as usual before a game. It’s got it’s fair share of fans, but it feels flat. Our server is obviously having some kind of episode and is struggling with the basics. Have a great pizza, some ravioli and cheesy bread. We are talking about how we feel about the game and how much ou still fucking sucks. I know I need to eat well so that I can have a long night. I say fuck it and crush 2 beers while I’m there and we take off to get to Lee Harvey’s and since I’m not opening the tab this year I can be “fashionably late” as they say. Roll in at around 5:30 and ou STILL SUCKS, @luke duke had just gotten the first bucket of beers and @TxEx84 was there as well. Smiles, Longhorns and cold beer. I go inside and open a $200 bartab (thanks @RPM). MULEDICK. I open the tab with the bartender who is there every year, but it’s been a while since we’ve done it not at the pool. I ask him to tell me when the tab hits $160 so we can close it for $200 and he sorta looks at me like I’m regarded and says why don’t you just ask me when you come in here. I was like well anyone who tells you surlyhorns or MULEDICK is on the tab, then *click* he remembers our group and changes his demeanor. I give him my card and he looks at it and announces to the bar that he’s never seen a card with MULEDICK as the name before. I order a double tall ranchwater. What a fucking time. It takes a good 30 minutes for more people to trickle in, and we get a good group going. I’m recanting my Florida story to a guy who hasn’t been in lulz and has been avoiding the board – it’s a vibe. One of my best friends, an aggy, shows up and brings out a shot for me. I’m rolling and feeling fantastic about the direction of the weekend. I’m talking shit to every sooner I see and throwing up the horns to any burnt orange I don’t know. @Born Burnt shows up and we shoot some gonzo stuff – the bartender had been trained on an order a double tall ranchwater is now known as an ASSWATER on MULEDICK. SurlyHornsLeeHarveys.mp4.33af176a1c4e7d83a9d228ae1012f011.mp4 Alright – I’m feeling great. Fuck the sooners we are going to eat a fantastic dinner at Loro with my aggy friend his wife and my Longhorn friend and his soon to be fiancée. We roll up and park, get inside and it’s just…not the vibe. We get in line we are ready to order and it’s just kind packed full of Dallas-ites. It just doesn’t feel right. I say fuck it lets go to Bob’s which has been a thing we’ve been doing the last 2 years or so. We roll up into Bob’s, my friend lives close by so the car is stashed there and we have a purpose. Do you member that one time we almost got kicked out of Bob’s? I member Bob’s is an epic feast and we aren’t going from 0-100, we are going 0-130. We are proper fucked at this point and the night is young. My aggy friend is mouthing off entirely too much about how they are gonna run through Florida and I stupidly make a $200 dollar bet on the game and his wife holds each of our $200 in “escrow” (her purse). It’s nearly 11PM ou STILL SUCKS and we’ve still got 3 hours worth of bars to fuck up and talk shit to sooners in preparation for the next day. We get the ladies home, my responsible longhorn friend stays back and it’s down to just me and my aggy bff. We tear up uptown the best we can, but inevitably end up at a nice whiskey/cocktail bar where we are having night caps and chatting more than we are raging at the packed bars that we went to before. We close out the night at the bars. FUCK, WHERE ARE MY CAR KEYS I’m so hammered and worried about the next day where in less than 5 hours I’m going to be picking up my mom and son from the train station. I panic and can’t find my keys in my pockets. Damnit. I’m ubering back to my friends place where I am staying and where the car is parked – I have a habit or just leaving my keys in my car and figured that’s what I did and needed to check. I walk up on my car and it’s locked. FUCK I don’t ever lock my car – this is the time where I get a call from @tex48. He’s been assaulted in the lobby of his hotel and is covered in blood telling me he’s talking to the cops and needs to go to the hospital. Damnit. This sucks. He’s going to the game and sitting with my 66 year old mother tomorrow while Gunnar sits with me in some seats I had already secured. Well after all this mischief being managed and me walking back to bars trying to retrace steps and find keys…I go into my friends place to sit down and figure out what to do next and…lo and behold I had wisely given my keys up at Bob’s before we went out to avoid any temptation of being an idiot. They were on the night stand for me. It’s nearly 6AM ou STILL SUCKS and I’ve gotta get whatever sleep I can. I wake up from my phone ringing – It’s 7:51AM ou STILL SUCKS and I’ve slept maybe a good hour and a half. They made it on the 7:48 train departing Fort Worth and are headed to Dallas. I try to go back to sleep for at least 30 more minutes and just can’t. I buy 2 seats the row behind where mine are for my mom and Gunnar for face. I get up go expel any and all evil that’s left inside of me and get in the shower, then that evolves into laying down for a warm bath. All I can think about is how much I fucking hate the entire state of oklahoma and how the Longhorns are going to beat the ever living fuck out of the sooners today for my son’s first game inside the Legendary Cotton Bowl for the greatest and most unique college football game in existence. I get my shit together and am out the door on track to pick them up from Victory station at 8:41AM. I’m about a block away and she calls me saying they are headed towards LBJ/UNION STATION and I was like oh alright I guess y’all must have missed getting off – confusion happens when traveling with a 5 year old totally understandable…I plug it into maps and I’m headed there, it’s a bit further north and I’m 10 minutes away. Mom calls me about 7 minutes later and says we just got off the train, and I’m like man there’s no way the train got all the way to LBJ from victory that fast and I ask her if she’s in north dallas or if she’s downtown. She’s doesn’t know – she tells me she sees the dallas morning news. I’m like wtf is going on then it occurs to me. She’s at EBJ/CENTRAL STATION and just was frazzled. I turn around and pick them up – it’s 8:56AM – I know this because as soon as Gunnar got in the car he asked me and then yelled AND ou STILL SUCKS. I swell with pride. We are all in burnt orange headed to the fair and I’m running on pure fucking adrenaline. We get some sick parking right outside the main gate for $100, want to make it as easy as possible for my mom to get out of the game with Gunnar after the Longhorns send the sooners home crying. There’s a group of sooners as we get to the gates and Gunnar asks them what time it is and yells ou STILL SUCKS. They laugh and tell him good luck, I retort I hope you lose today and get more laughs. We walk into the gates and buy coupons with no lines and head in. We get Gunnar the kids wristband in case he gets lost. Test the airtag he’s got in his jersey and do a dry run of what to do in case we get separated with the nice ladies from the fair. Gunnar is good to go. 20251011_094528.mp4 Vibin’ with the alebrijes before heading into the Mexican cultural exhibit at the fair. 20251011_095200.mp4 We go do some art, check out the scenes and ride all the rides before the game. Gunnar is beaming, I’m talking shit to every sooner I see. We cover a ton of ground. We hit every part of the fairgrounds and are having an outstanding morning. Right after this picture we passed by a stand that had Electrolyt bottles on ice. SALVATION. I buy one for 4 coupons and chug it. I’m feeling fantastic. Gunnar rides a bunch of rides, then we head to the food court to meet up with @MBHORNSFAN and talk more shit to sooners. 20251011_105231.mp4 20251011_102825.mp4 We take turns leading TEXAS FIGHT chants once we get there in rotating fashion for about 10 minutes and then we take off to go meet up with Bobby B at the Texas Exes tailgate. Pro tip – there are 1 coupon juices in the food court for kids and adults who need sugar water hydration. We got 3 and crushed them while walking to the exes tailgate. IMG_2512 (1).mp4 20251011_114855.mp4 The Exes tailgate was lame – no TV’s a bunch of limp dick Texas fans who didn’t wanna participate in TEXAS FIGHT chants and overall just not the vibe. We leave and go to the aquarium to get some good AC time and clean bathrooms in before going into the legendary Cotton Bowl. 20251011_132117.mp4 I stay outside and watch the Alabama Mizzou game right outside at the beer garden. I’m talking shit to any and all sooners, end up sitting to a really nice sooner couple and we are jabbing back and forth but watching the game and talking about how special and unique it is to have this going on for generations. They wish me luck, I tell them I hope they lose. It’s time to go to the game with plenty of time to get to our seats and get situated. Hordes of people, Gunnar has never experienced anything like it. Boomer sooner and TEXAS FIGHT breaking out left and right front and back and all around. THERE IS NOTHING LIKE IT. We get to our seats loaded up on water and get ready to bake in the afternoon sun while Texas fucks oklahoma up. There’s some sooners in our section and I’m heckling. My favorite one of the day was a jacked dude coming down with a ton of food and French fries stacked on top that he was balancing on top of all the beverages. He was loaded up and focused. I yelled “I HOPE ALL YOUR FOOD TASTES LIKE SHIT AND YOU DROP YOUR FRENCH FRIES” – he broke and started laughing and everyone around in our section got a good laugh. The game is incredible. The Texas fans snap the fuck out of it, the team feeds off the energy and the game goes our way, but that’s not what this post is about. My favorite moments in the stands: 1. 3rd down on the Texas side of the field that got so loud the sooners had to call a timeout, the building was legitimately shaking. 2. Singing The Eyes of Texas before the game with Gunnar and the Longhorn Faithful. Chills. 3. The impromptu ou SUCKS, ou SUCKS, ou SUCKS chants that broke out throughout the game, sometimes for no reason at all, well except the fact that ou in fact SUCKS. 4. Boomer Sooner echoing while TEXAS FIGHT echoed back. Nothing like it in sports. 5. The 4th quarter starting with Django Walker – Texas Longhorn and no sooner song. We wrap up the game, don’t stay for the eyes – I need to get my 5 year old and 66 year old mom out of the stadium before the stampede starts and get them back home safe. We have 30ish coupons left, get a burger, fries, some lucky duck dumplings and are 3 tickets short of a Modelo…Fair worker decides she’s gonna give me the Modelo anyway and I slam my first beer of the day and it tastes like sweet sweet victory. We heckle the crying sooners the entire way out of the fair and get to our car in less than 90 seconds after leaving the gate and are in uptown Dallas within 7 minutes. Success. I get dropped off at my friends place and immediately beeline to the shower, get changed and get ready for round 2 going out and watching aggy lose to Florida and winning my bet. I get back to the couch after the shower and I never get back up. My friend and his wife put a weighted blanket on me that they call “the pacifier” and ordered some Canes. I ate, we had another friend come over and I drank 1 more beer and could hardly keep my eyes open to finish the aggy game. Set up the CPAP and I was out by 9:30PM under the pacifier and ou DEFINITELY STILL SUCKED ending a near perfect weekend. If you liked this story, please share it or better yet subscribe or donate to this website. It helps me do crazy shit like this and share it with all of you. View full article115 points
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Listen bros. Here is what I am going to say. Last year when we played good defenses like Georgia we looked completely inept offensively. Then there would come a point in the game where we would get desperate and Sark would start spreading it out and we would look like a completely different offense. Spreading the formations and running with more receivers cleans up the whole picture for the quarterback. If you are 4 and 5 wide, its hard for the defense to disguise what they are in. Further so if you are sending guys in motion every snap to make them declare man or zone. Last year when we played Georgia in the SEC championship Sark came out in 11 personnel or 4 wide and Quinn lit them up for 160 yards in 20 minutes. Then we settled into two tight end sets and we bogged down for the rest of the game. Well, take a look at what we did and how Arch responding from the end of the 3rd Qtr and on. 1st and 10 and we are in 11 personnel here(1 TE and 1 back). Us being in 11 personnel makes us faster because the TEs we are currently employing are slow. Take one off for another WR and routes get completed faster meaning Arch can let it fly that much sooner. State responds with a legit 3-2-6 which is a fucking mistake. Our line struggles with passing off rushers and our QB struggles moving quickly through his progressions. Now you just solved both of our issues in one fell swoop. Now look at the route concepts here. Two comeback routes on the outside. Easy to read. Easy to throw. A 5 yard drag for a hot and a 12 yard dig going the other way. Arch is superb here. Ball is out on the break. Not a G-damned thing the DB can do about it great ball! YTDown.com_YouTube_Texas-vs-Mississippi-State-Condensed-WIL_Media_uUf47YeX4o4_001_1080p.mp4 3rd and 10 and State is going to bring the house. We keep Wisner in to block and successfully wash down the defensive line allowing Manning to slide out to his left and buy time for these routes to develop. Yall should recognize the route combo. Its the same post with a dig combo we always run. Arch always fucks this up. The deep dig is almost always open underneath, and it's wide the fuck open here but it doesn't matter because Wingo is too fast for State safeties. It's double coverage and he still destroys their angle. When you see this you see why Sark had Wingo in there but damn it if dude doesn't fellate large phallus 50% of the time. Arch underthrows it a little as not to miss for a big gainer. YTDown.com_YouTube_Texas-vs-Mississippi-State-Condensed-WIL_Media_uUf47YeX4o4_001_1080p_2.mp4 . So here we are on the goalline in 12 personnel. We are going to motion Wingo to the boundary. Their entire defense is worried about Wingo, and both safeties shift to get a man over top of him. Sark just put their DB on an island 1v1 with Livingstone. At first when I saw this throw I thought it was late. But pay attention. The DB is in 13's hip pocket but Parker gives a little stiff arm right on his break that created space, and that's when Arch throws. any sooner and I am not sure it would be broken up. Beautiful throw by Arch and great catch by 13. Arch maybe could've thrown it 3 feet sooner at best. We max protect as we roll this pocket, keeping 7 in to block. YTDown.com_YouTube_Texas-vs-Mississippi-State-Condensed-WIL_Media_uUf47YeX4o4_001_1080p_3.mp4 We are in 11 personnel. We have a bit of a modified smash route to the boundary. Now the smash can be run a myriad of ways. Traditionally the inside receiver runs an out, and the outside receiver runs a corner. Sark changes this combo a lot but today the outside runs an out while the TE runs an arrow. The QB is reading the outside corner. If he is up he throws the corner route over his head between the corner and the safety. However, if he is playing off you rip the under. At the snap State makes it easy as they try to roll coverage to the field and Arch correctly takes the short throw. Now look at the pass rush. DJ's man beats him and comes completely free but Arch gets rid of the football so quickly that it doesn't matter. Normally Arch holds this ball looking for a deeper route and gets sacked. Nice work Arch. We had this same call on vs OU and he didn't throw it. YTDown.com_YouTube_Texas-vs-Mississippi-State-Condensed-WIL_Media_uUf47YeX4o4_001_1080p_4.mp4 3rd and 3. State is going to bring 6. Sark has a man beater on with Parker running the 5 yard drag. Arch correctly identifies the blitz but is just a touch slow getting this ball out. Regardless, at least he saw it. That's what needs to happen for teams to stop blitzing us so frequently. This would've been even better if Sark allowed the receivers to sight adjust. If Parker's man runs by him to blitz he should run a quick 4 yard hook. By crossing he ran himself right into the defenders in the middle. YTDown.com_YouTube_Texas-vs-Mississippi-State-Condensed-WIL_Media_uUf47YeX4o4_001_1080p_6.mp4 Sark is in his bag here. 11 personnel. We are going to motion Moore to the boundary which gives us trips to that side. A man comes with him which tells Arch it's man coverage. At the snap the TE runs up the seam carrying his man, but making sure to run outside the LB who is responsible for Wisner creating a natural pick. Arch hits him and Tre does the rest. Nice playcall by Sark. Again, this is the kind of ball Arch has to throw to beat the blitz. YTDown.com_YouTube_Texas-vs-Mississippi-State-Condensed-WIL_Media_uUf47YeX4o4_001_1080p_7.mp4 So back in 11 personnel. Remember that smash concept a couple plays ago where Arch threw the quick arrow route because the corner was playing off. Here is the same concept but the corner squats on the under so we just pitch it over his head. Pretty simple read that works against quite a lot of coverages. Why don't we run it all the time? We do. Arch is just dealing here. YTDown.com_YouTube_Texas-vs-Mississippi-State-Condensed-WIL_Media_uUf47YeX4o4_001_1080p_8.mp4 This next one is what Manning struggles with. Were are in 11 personnel. Sark is trying to isolate Wingo against a DB for a speed out that Wingo should win, especially with this much cushion. A few things about it. Yes, Arch is late on this throw and as you can see it allows the DB to recover and make a okay. But more importantly than that, Wingo runs a shitty route. He never stems his route(get the receiver to turn his hips) and just rounds the route off to the sideline. Then. Catch the fucking football G-damnit! This fucking guy. YTDown.com_YouTube_Texas-vs-Mississippi-State-Condensed-WIL_Media_uUf47YeX4o4_001_1080p_9.mp4 As yall know we run this fake screen all the time and I don't think it ever works when run with a TE. Takes too long to develop. Two receivers and it happens way faster and you can get the ball out faster. YTDown.com_YouTube_Texas-vs-Mississippi-State-Condensed-WIL_Media_uUf47YeX4o4_001_1080p_10.mp4 2nd and 10. State gives us a 3 man rush. Manning probably had more time to throw but checked it down quickly. I love to see it. It's 2nd and 10 and if you miss here State is bringing the house. YTDown.com_YouTube_Texas-vs-Mississippi-State-Condensed-WIL_Media_uUf47YeX4o4_001_1080p_12.mp4 So you remember that speed out that we just ran with bitchass Wingo? We flip the play and run it with Moore on the right. Same fucking defender. Number 13. As Moore runs up the seam he makes a subtle move with his feet making the DB step a little inside before me makes his break and look at how much more separation he gets. Easy pitch and catch. YTDown.com_YouTube_Texas-vs-Mississippi-State-Condensed-WIL_Media_uUf47YeX4o4_001_1080p_13.mp4 Remember this play earlier in the qtr? We motion Wingo to the field side this time. A defender comes with him and we hit Tre on the rail out the backfield. This time we catch them in a blitz and get a chunk play. Now we've run two plays twice in this Qtr. YTDown.com_YouTube_Texas-vs-Mississippi-State-Condensed-WIL_Media_uUf47YeX4o4_001_1080p_14.mp4 Enders wide open at the bottom of the screen. Missed him. Overall his decision wasn't bad, he just has to throw this before the receiver clears the first defender. YTDown.com_YouTube_Texas-vs-Mississippi-State-Condensed-WIL_Media_uUf47YeX4o4_001_1080p_15.mp4 Remember that speed out? Yep, we are about to run it for the third time in the quarter now. Except this time it's going to Livingstone. He fires upfield and runs the defender out of view, Nice easy pitch and catch even though he slipped trying to make a play after he caught it. YTDown.com_YouTube_Texas-vs-Mississippi-State-Condensed-WIL_Media_uUf47YeX4o4_001_1080p_16.mp4 So what coach did was go largely 11 personnel and run the same few plays for Arch. Probably something he executes well and likes. Arch responded it well, and because of that we will be right back to running double tights and slow developing plays. And for you Quinn haters, this was the same thing happening to Quinn last year it's just that Quinn is a bit more polished and could operate fine in Sarks slow ass offense until we came up against Georgia or the like. These are the kind of concepts and routes that Freshwater is running. He isn't some genius his offense just is a bit more basic.109 points
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"God DAMN you, closetojumping!! Do not do this!!" Over the course of the last two months, the patrons of this board have gone from feeling their oats and scheduling dinner reservations in Miami for next January to a bunch of sobbing twats, scared of their own shadow and counting future losses as though these things are certain. It is time we pull ourselves together. Texas is playing Vanderbilt, for fuck's sake. I don't care how highly rated those dorks are, they haven't played in Austin since 1903. Texas didn't even have a stadium then and most of our grandparents weren't even alive then. Things change, but opponents coming to town and having their heads handed to them is a longstanding tradition in which every reader here is rooted. This season and this team has been shit on and shoved down by every talking head and voter in the media since the lofty #1 preseason ranking was vaporized in week one in Ohio. Boo hoo. The team hasn't quit yet, and they're finally heading home. This year's schedule has only exacerbated the distorted view that college football nation and our own fanbase has of this team. They lost by one score on the road to Ohio State, who no one has played close since. Then they played 3 cupcakes that no one cared to even cover or watch for the most part. While our fanbase yawned and Manning struggled, everyone else just read box scores, watched some clippings on Twitter and IG, and formed definitive opinions that Texas sucks. A bad loss to lackluster Florida in The Swamp didn't help the program's cause. People excused OU because of the Mateer injury, even though he played and said he was fine, and then beat two SEC teams on the road. After two fucking decades of hearing mouthbreathers tell us what a grind every SEC game is, especially on the road, Texas has received zero credit for going back to back weeks and beating Kentucky and Mississippi State in their backyards. So were folks just lying pieces of shit overhyping a top-heavy, otherwise mediocre conference? Or is everyone just full of shit and resentment now and can't give Texas credit where it is due? I've heard multiple talking heads yesterday and today claim that Texas is done and simply not a good team this year. "I expect Vanderbilt to expose Texas as a fraud this weekend." - Nicole Auerbach, AP voter who did not vote for Texas this week, but voted for her alma mater, Michigan, who lost to OU and has the same 6-2 record as Texas. The good news is that the game still gets to get played. Texas has gone the longest stretch without a home game of an P4 team in the last 25 years - 6 calendar weeks.* It is time for home-cooking. "But CTJ, Vanderbilt is actually good this year!" This Vanderbilt team is fine. Are they good? No. This team is a by-product of a gritty QB with some talent around him on offense, a well-schemed defense and an absolutely dreadful schedule. Vanderbilt is currently 7-1. In the non-con they played Charleston Southern in the FCS, a 3-5 Va Tech, 1-7 Georgia State (Sun Belt) and 4-4 Utah State (Mountain West), who also lost to New Mexico and Hawaii by similar scoring differentials. In those 4 games, Vanderbilt outgained their opponents by 1,083 yards. This Vanderbilt team can punch a midget, that much is certain. How about in the SEC? That's a different story. They've played at South Carolina, at Alabama and then hosted LSU and Missouri. SCar, as predicted, was wildly overrated and sits at 3-5. They have a worse offensive line than Texas. Bama looks like a top 5 team. LSU just fired their coach, in part, for losing to Vanderbilt. Missouri's qb suffered a gruesome lower leg injury and was carted off the field in an inflatable cast while the game was tied 3-3 and Missouri was threatening to score. In these 4 games, including Vandy outgaining LSU by 74 yards, Vanderbilt was collectively outgained by 195 yards. This Vanderbilt team has been playing with a guardian angel watching over them all season. The devil always gets his due, and that payment will be made this weekend at DKR. "Now closetojumping, Diego Pavia is a winner. He's got moxie! He rallies his whole team around his aura and energy!" It was only this week that I learned that "Diego Pavia" literally means "overrated hobo" when translated from Mexican to English. Look, there is no doubt that Pavia is a born and proven leader. That's great for a marginally talented team playing either teams with less talent, teams with comparable talent, or teams who are asleep at the wheel. Luckily for Texas fans, this Texas team has awakened. Suffering near deaths on the road with their backs against the wall, the healthy pulse has been found and the adrenaline is kicking into high gear. All this team is going to hear all week is how they have no choice, even if slightly favored due to home field advantage. They're going to hear the Pavia talk constantly. They're getting asked about him at the press conference today. There will be more of it throughout the week. They'll be reminded of the near loss last season. DIEGO MANIA!! and Vanderbilt is for real!! are memes and topics all over social media. Texas players are being bombarded with this propaganda. Meanwhile, sweet baby Diego has escalated his shittalking and showboating with the press. He continues to state that Vanderbilt is winning the national title. He stated this weekend after the Missouri game that he should be a frontrunner for the Heisman. No one is huffing their own farts with more vigor right now than The Macho Vato. We'll see how much grit is left when Colin Simmons tells Pavia from across the LOS "I'm going to be the last thing you see, bitch!" and then lays the dude out for a sack. Moxie and grittiness carry one only so far against motivated and superior talent. Vanderbilt hasn't faced a defense like Texas. Bama and Mizzou both offer up blueprints to controlling Pavia that Texas can replicate. Keep Pavia in the pocket and shut down the run. Make them beat you by forcing Pavia to sustain drives with his arm, which he cannot do. LSU couldn't stop the run and that killed them. If Missouri doesn't lose contain to the backup TB who then goes 80 yards for a score in the 3rd, among many ifs (don't lose your QB for the season, catch a hail mary inside the end zone, not 3 inches short of one, maybe actually successfully kick more than one field goal, etc.), the defense does well enough for Missouri to win. Teh Major Applewhite and I Am Sam Ehlinger both had moxie and grit. Man, they were so good against lesser and/or sleepy opponents. Without superior firepower for either of those guys, how many wins did they tally up against similarly or more talented teams? They both finished around or below .500 in those match-ups. "Have you seen the Texas offense, CTJ? Have you seen this OLine? You know that, now that Arch Manning is finally putting it all together, he's in concussion protocol and is unlikely to play this weekend, right? You know that Vanderbilt has a good defense, too, right?" Oh ye coelenterates of little faith. Yes, I know that Arch Knoblauch is unlikely to play this weekend. Yes, the Vanderbilt defense has looked good in most of their games. Yes, the Texas offensive line has mostly been hammered dogshit. None of that will matter come Saturday, as The Matt Bomber Offense will be on full display. Caldwell was a quiet pick-up from the portal for this specific reason - at some point this year, Manning was likely to miss time. QB is a tough position and the SEC is a tough league. Caldwell has looked good all fall and has gained the trust of his team. His clutch moment this past Saturday only helps solidify that. More importantly than anything else, Caldwell's biggest strength is that he can actually complete most of the layups this offense can offer him. Now, will Ryan Wingo and Deandre Moore actually catch those layups? One can only hope. As to the OL, they've shown some signs of coming together. Their play in the second half of the MSU game might be a fluke, but we've seen similar glimpses in the second half of the OU game as well. If we complete a few simple passes throughout various drives, some wear and tear on a vastly outsized front 7 won't hurt things, either. I'll grant that I have less confidence and more hope, which is never a good strategy, when thinking about OL performance coming up, but just like rent on November 1, that unit is due. On the Vanderbilt defense, they're good, but they're not great. They don't force a ton of turnovers unless they're playing South Carolina and injuring Lanoris Sellers. They average less than 3 sacks per game. Vanderbilt does not have a singular dominant force on their defense. They're a collection of older players who are coached well. Texas has done well regarding turnovers this season and there's no reason to think that that will play out differently in this game. If Vanderbilt struggled to get to the passer against SCar and LSU, there's no reason to be overly worried about protecting The Matt Bomber this Saturday. "So what does it all mean, closetojumping?" Well, I am glad you asked. It means mudhole. Or, I should say, this year's version of the mudhole. Texas 31 - Vanderbilt 17. Hook'em92 points
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Most of you know by now we have Good Sark and Bad Sark. Bad Sark is the egotistical Sark that wants to run his stuff no matter the talent level or ability of his players to execute it. @Nicole44 made a brilliant observation when she said it's like he is auditioning for something, and just wants to run plays to show what he has. After she said that we find out that maybe he was. Curious. Anywho, Good Sark shows up when the team's back is against the wall. It just goes to show you that HE KNOWS what would work and would be more efficient. I couldn't begin to understand why he doesn't roll out Good Sark more often, but folks we are currently seeing good Sark. I'm not sure how long he is here, but let's enjoy him while we got him! For those here that say things like it was the line. The receivers got better. Arch unfucked himself. The truth is all those things being fucked had to do with the complexity of what Bad Sark was asking them to do. Everyone here that was peeking over the fence, hoping we could have Joey Freshwater's offense, well you saw it this Saturday. We spread the field. Got the ball out. Simplified Arch's reads. Ditched the complicated routes. The result is not only did Arch come alive, but spreading the field and getting people away from the box helped the line and RBs too. Let's get into it! First play of the game and we line up in 11 personnel. Does anyone remember number 2 for Vandy in the slot? Well I do. They blitzed him 10 times last year. Good Sark does too. He motions Wingo to the field side anticipating them firing their nickel. The safety now has to spin down to make a play and that allows the slot receiver plenty of time to make a block. The closing LB never has a chance against an athlete like Wingo in space. Touchdown. 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa.mp4 Again, we roll out in 11 personnel. Good Sark understands that Vandy wants to bring extra guys, and they are bringing 5 on this play. Yeah, this play is a little cute but well designed. Everyone knows we are an Outside Zone team, and we freeze their 5 man pass rush by showing Outside Zone blocking with a bunch of eye candy in the backfield. Meanwhile the line is just naturally flowing frontside to block the throwback screen Sark has dialed up. Sark gets 5 clean blockers out front of the best returner in college football. Terrifying for any defense. If we are a little quicker to decide who to block here this gets to the house. 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa_1.mp4 We are in 11 personnel spread wide in a 2x2 set. Sark is making Vandy defend superior athletes in space. At the snap we just throw it out to Wingo and let him make a play. I said before Wingo needs Worthy's package because he is most effective when you can get it to him quickly and let him do the rest. Sark knows Vandy's corners are going to bail out which leaves the box defender responsible for closing on Wingo. In space. 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa_5.mp4 We come right back to the same play. 11 personnel in a 2x2 set. Notice the time and quarter. Notice the difference in the box for Vandy between this play and the last. Last play Vandy had 7 in the box and got popped on the outside for a big gain. This time they come back with a 6 man box and cover 3 behind it. Sark has manipulated the box, forcing them to pull a man to deal with these quick throws to the outside. That helps create space for the running game. 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa_6.mp4 Opposing teams have a guy on the sideline who's job it is to spot our personnel groupings and send in the appropriate response. Sark trots out his heavy package. 12 personnel. However, instead of lining up in a heavy run formation, we go 5 wide. You are forcing them to play zone or have LBs out covering routes. We give Arch a nice and simple 1/2 field read here. Arch knows that with the coverage they are in the corner is going to bail and the DB over the slot has responsibility for the flat. We fire the slot receiver vertically but with an outside release to occupy that man, and the outside receiver runs a simple stick route. Simple pitch and catch. 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa_7.mp4 Again 11 personnel. We run the tight end on a quick crosser to occupy the LBs and then run a delayed slant behind it. Pay attention to the O-line. The LG gets beat but the ball is out so fast it doesn't matter. A couple weeks ago this is a sack. You can make a shaky line look competent by just getting the ball out. 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa_8.mp4 Every time Sark catches them trying to add numbers to the box Sark reminds them that they have other responsibilities. 4 wide again with 11 personnel and we throw the quick out to Parker. Pay attention to our Left Tackle here. 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa_9.mp4 2nd and 6 and Sark knows Vandy wants to blitz. We are 4 wide. Vandy brings 6 and Sark has a screen setup to the boundary. Great call. 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa_11.mp4 11 personnel. Sark motions late to a 3x1 set knowing he is going to get zone to that side. The slot runs a simple curl to occupy the flat defender while the outside receiver runs a simple comeback route. Easy pitch and catch here. 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa_12.mp4 11 personnel. This the fake receiver screen to wheel route we like to throw. A couple games ago we tried to run it but it wasn't there. I mentioned that a smart QB will come back and throw it to the faker since it will be open. I was told that was nonsense and QBs are supposed to run the play as its drawn up. Here is an example of us doing that with great success. 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa_13.mp4 11 personnel. Here is an example of how Sark can manipulate the coverage with 5 receivers while simultaneously giving Arch quick and easy reads. Sark slips the back out center left knowing he is going to draw the attention of the MLB. However, we are working the slot defender. We run a curl right in front of him to hold him so Arch can hit the quick post behind him. Easy pitch and catch. 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa_14.mp4 11 personnel. This play is basically the same as the last play but we get to it differently. This time the TE runs a crosser that occupies the defender and we throw the same post behind it. Up to this point, this is the longest time Arch has held the ball. 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa_16.mp4 11 personnel. We motion Parker and now we know we are getting zone. We know the corner is going to bail to cover 3, so we are working the flat defender here. If he is slow to respond to the speed out we throw that, but if he jumps it the TE is sitting with a curl. Nice and easy read for Arch here. 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa_17.mp4 Again with 11 personnel with 4 routes releasing to one side. We fire two verticals to occupy the safeties, then slip the RB out to occupy the underneath defender, all but guaranteeing the speed out to be open. This is where Arch has shown growth. Old Arch stares down the vertical here. 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa_18.mp4 Here is another Arch growth moment. Old Arch doesn't see this checkdown and is sacked by the DE the LT has lost control of in the face of this blitz. This Arch has this ball coming out before the TE is even set. You love to see it! 5 idees pour porter des puces en topaze Elegance et style - Topa_20.mp483 points
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68 points
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68 points
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56 points
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A special fuck you to the bitch ass pussies that have infected this thread for the last week. Maybe the most pathetic display from Texas fans regarding one of our players that I've ever seen. Arch is a work in progress. He has his faults and needs to improve, but works hard and plays his ass off. He never asked for the national media attention. And some of you fuckers fell for the troll bullshit on social media, enough to even post that shit on this thread. Fuck you. I guess Caldwell would have won by more today or something? Fuck off. Really solid performance today against our biggest rival with our backs against the wall. The bye bye wave was awesome, that's for you pieces of shit that lost your fucking minds as well.52 points
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don't care if already posted, from the Longhorn socials, for those looking for new wallpapers.49 points
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47 points
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Find yourself a woman that loves you as much as Sark loves playing TEs that aren’t a pass catching threat and can’t block for shit.47 points
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47 points
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46 points
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That's a great attitude. Forget the last play and move on to the next. Arch is focused on Vandy.45 points
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42 points
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You might need those Cabela’s points for clothes. You’re going to p.m. me your mailing address. I’m going to buy the $150 card and give it back to you. You’re going to take your wife out for her 60th birthday. There is no fucking way being married to you can be easy. If you fuck me over on this deal and double-sell the card, I’m going to send Derka to your house and tell him that you think Ewers is twice the quarterback as Colt McCoy.42 points
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Arch is 1-0 against ou. Fuck the rest of y'all who wanna talk shit. Arch is improving every game now. If you wanna talk shit do it and be funny at least stop just being a bunch of whiney bitches42 points
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And yet we are only 4-2. But today. Today, we beat OU. Therefore I am happy. Fuck them. And fuck you. And before you think about being annoyed by this post that you wasted time clicking on, think about all those piece of shit Oklahoma fuckfaces in their piece of shit Oklahoma single wides on their piece of shit Oklahoma property crying their piece of shit Oklahoma tears. And smile. The entire season could go down in flames. But. FUCK OU42 points
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41 points
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Other random and somewhat humorous OU stuff right now: -OU is down to two OTs - Fasusi and some back-up transfer. They're claiming Simmons could be back soon, but also not explaining what his injury is and they're vague about the whole thing. -The fans are arguing amongst themselves on several divisive threads and I am not sure which one is the most entertaining. They're flummoxed that USC and Riley are performing well after expecting Michigan to shred them. Numerous guys want Bedenbaugh gone while others are questioning the fandom of those posters doing so. On the Big 12 vs Venables quote thread, a mod has defended Venables' take and he's getting run over by his constituency. -No one can understand what the fuck is going on with Ott not getting PT, but numerous posters are simply unwilling to believe that it could be a byproduct of Demarco Murray not being very good at his job. -There is a growing consensus that Fatty Arbuckle sucks and they need Kevin Wilson's "uptempo offense" installed, with Wilson playing a bigger role on the staff. This is the same guy that was run off from Indiana after getting them to two consecutive bowl games and then only getting two seasons at Tulsa before being shitcanned there as well. Both places pushed him out because his team, his admins and the booster base all wound up hating him. He fits right in at OU, I guess. -They have a decent-sized faction of fans who honestly believe that they would have won the game on Saturday had those meddling refs not ruined things for them. This same group is projecting a 5-3 SEC finish with a win at SCar and then a sweep of their home SEC games remaining, Ole Miss, Missouri and LSU. -Another faction of posters is actively pleading for Venables to get shitcanned so "Nagy can get his guy" in there, with a return to top 10 national status being all but assured with that change. I'm enjoying witnessing where things are heading for the sooners and their program.41 points
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Tre Wisner made the offense so much better, but the best part was that the whole team was hitting like a bunch of motherfuckers the second half. Feels good to beat ousucks41 points
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40 points
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39 points
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Dude flew to Denver, drops slurs on video, got his glasses stolen, busted his face open, went viral, then watched his Giants give up 33 4th quarter points to lose 33-32 to the Broncos. Enjoy that flight home, don't come back.39 points
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That's surprising. I would have thought Michael Taaffe would have gone off on our dumpster fire of an offense, detailed which coaches need to go, and slammed his best friend sitting next to him. It's weird he chose a different route.39 points
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39 points
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38 points
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i dont know who did it but i would like to buy this guy beers.38 points
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37 points
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Per IT: - Wingo. Dislocated thumb. Expected back for Georgia. -McDonald. Concussion. Expected back for Georgia. - Taafe expected back for Georgia.37 points
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I'm really hoping that Manning doesn't play tomorrow. It has nothing to do with how he's looked in prior games. It's just hard to believe that the guy will be fully healthy and able to run the offense in just 7 days from the injury. There's a bye week next week. Just take another 2 weeks to get fully healthy and ready for Georgia.37 points
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Maybe he's not as polished as we thought, but he clearly gives a shit and has put his body on the line for Texas. Hopefully it all works out here, but no matter what happens I'm rooting for the kid.37 points
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37 points
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37 points
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A friend asked for my script. Here's what I told the lady: I am a graduate of the College of Liberal Arts and the School of Law. I view this letter as extortion of the University. It is an unconscionable restraint on free speech and an free academic environment at the University. I believe it will lead to the exodus of quality professors, which will lead to a politicized learning environment, which will lead to quality students choosing to study at other universities. I have a 12 year old who is a Texan and is currently in a gifted and talented academic program and to whom I'm introducing colleges. I take him to campus, football games, lectures, etc. to promote the University to him. If the University signs on to this letter, I can no longer in good conscience promote UT as a valid option for him. If the University signs onto this letter, I will no longer spend a single dime in support of the University. Not academic donations, not UT exes, not a key chain with a Longhorn on it. I have been a donor since I got my first real job after the University. That ends the second the University submits to extortion. I will immediately start searching out academic institutions for my son that promote an academic environment free of political coercion.37 points
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37 points
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36 points
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The only time I’ve ever been to PR was for a baseball tournament that involved one American team, one PR team, one Mexican team, one Dominican team, and one Cuban team. Summer after my freshman year of college. I was 19 years old. Playing with some top tier college kids from other SEC schools. We had a blast meeting all the other players. Most of them admired our top of the line gear. We all partied together, and broke through the language barrier with a general love for baseball, girls, booze, etc. 19-20year olds finding a common ground, and getting along. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life to this day. Then we had to play against each of them. Each country’s team. We. Got. Fucking. Destroyed.36 points
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36 points
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36 points
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Hey Michael what if hear me out…that other people have been talking and knew about Sark’s personal shit that has nothing at all to do with my BMD. My BMD just knew the actual date that loser Herman would be fired before he was in fact fired and the press even knew. Most people have known about Sark’s personal shit in some form or fashion for over a year and most knew about his 30 day absence from 2025 and now that he has made such a mess of the offseason that it affected our games and the fact that the Athletic came out with this article do people NOW feel comfortable saying what they know. My source ain’t CTJ’s source but you ain’t jumping up his ass. my BMD didn’t tell me any of the PERSONAL sark shit he really doesn’t care if Sark blows goats for fun. I explained that a have a close friend who knows both sark and his wife well and knew his wife well before Sark left his first wife for Loreal. in my opinion, how you get someone is how you lose them. Multiple people knew about his personal shit for a long time and didn’t say nothing and were discouraged from saying things bc most of the chiclet brains here think sark is an untouchable god. Neither my friend nor my BMD are the reason sark’s personal shit is all over fucking Reddit. It’s all over the fucking internet bc sark is messy. People know bc his wife is messy. If you keep your shit in house people won’t know about your shit enough to gossip about it. Unfortunately, when things aren’t going well for a coach in a season particularly bc of said coach’s self inflicted wounds the gossip bursts to the surface. So if anyone is mad about the gossips (of which there are many) I say for y’all all to Take that shit up with Sark. Or with Loreal. Or both. Instead of getting mad at a legion of people on the internet who were openly sharing much of the gossip contained in this thread in Reddit and other forums MONTHS before Texas lost to Ohio State to start this season. I swear to goodness that Many of you repeatedly pick on me solely cuz I have a pussy rather than picking on guys who act like pussies. Go figure.36 points
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