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To be interviewed by Trey and BK about shaggy and surly

Hold your finger on the heart Some options will appear to choose from select the one that says hate it gives -1 to Rocko/Derka/Swam/etc

This is better. It's a direct pop up of the live listen window. Click this and you can just skip right to it without going to the site home page first (not that I discourage it). http://arn.leanplayer.com/KTXXFM Also, be sure not to click on ESPN 104 or whatever if you google the station's site. It's a different deal. Just click on the link I put, should work fine (test it out, you should get the popup and immediately the live audio).

No big deal, Rtic was just going to IPO at half the price

http://hornfm.com/ For us non-Austinites to listen online

Heart button at bottom right of each post.

Jimmy is cummin'. I'm cleaning up the exported text and linked images. I will post the entire Ad Hulk thread here when I am done.

I would bet he's included in this section:

Good question, also what station will you be on?

· 09-06-2016, 02:41 PM The Lake Worth Monster Are these comments from dirtbike fresh or are you still reaching back into the archives? I'm just wondering if this sort of entertainment is doled out daily. · 09-06-2016, 02:43 PM CooterBrown It's his first day back from vacation so he spent the entire morning telling stories. I had to fly out at noon so I'll check for more entries tomorrow. · 09-06-2016, 02:50 PM ihateowho Are there other disciples taking down the gospel or do we have to rely on only you for more words to live by? · 09-06-2016, 02:52 PM Celery Man Make sure your marriage is healthy first = motto · 09-06-2016, 03:02 PM Prepuce of Doom Quote: Originally Posted by BlueGreySky06 i've changed the voice of jimmy in my head. he is now http://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/vu....w529.h352.jpg Don't sully this. Every man has his own internal Jimmy. · 09-06-2016, 03:09 PM zepol87 Dude Jimmy brought it with this update. Not shit in dollars has me dying · 09-06-2016, 03:48 PM MissingInAction Quote: Originally Posted by Prepuce of Doom Don't sully this. Every man has his own internal Jimmy. There's Dirt Bike in all of us, we just have to find Him. · 09-06-2016, 03:50 PM CooterBrown Quote: Originally Posted by BlueGreySky06 i've changed the voice of jimmy in my head. he is now http://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/vu....w529.h352.jpg It's better reading it as Morgan Freeman. · 09-06-2016, 03:51 PM skipperj Quote: Originally Posted by ihateowho Are there other disciples taking down the gospel or do we have to rely on only you for more words to live by? I believe he said it's a group effort and several of them update the text file with new Dirt Bike gold. · 09-06-2016, 03:53 PM gernblansten In the next couple of months, it looks like I'll be going to Nashville and Seattle. I'd like Dirt Bike's travel tips if he's ever been to either. · 09-06-2016, 03:58 PM BlueGreySky06 Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown It's better reading it as Morgan Freeman. Done Freeman. Lawrence (Office Space). Brennan & Dale (Step brothers). There are so many good voices to give Jimmy. · 09-06-2016, 07:27 PM Gardner Barnes Someone should figure out a way to get Jimmyisms read on YouTube by actual actors. Or funny or die. · 09-06-2016, 07:57 PM cactusflinthead Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "Everything was so cheap. Beers were like 20 baht. I checked and that equalled not shit in US dollars." This might be my favorite one of all. · 09-06-2016, 08:05 PM bozo_casanova Ad Hawk. It's Latin for Incredible Hulk Bad tuk-tuks is why Austin got a fingerprint ordinance · 09-07-2016, 10:26 AM Bath Salt Dealer Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "Ate some scorpions, some roaches, some crickets, and some grubs. Go with the grubs." One of the few times I'm going to have to disagree with the Wise One. Everyone knows you gotta go with the crickets. · 09-07-2016, 10:35 AM Hollywood Colt are y'all able to keep a straight face and actually get work done with dirtbike around? i honestly wouldn't be able to keep it together. · 09-07-2016, 10:37 AM Gardner Barnes Quote: Originally Posted by Hollywood Colt are y'all able to keep a straight face and actually get work done with dirtbike around? i honestly wouldn't be able to keep it together. I have to believe that is why the shared text file was created. · 09-07-2016, 12:09 PM Celery Man I highly recommend everyone hiring Jimmy at least once. Make sure your team is healthy first. · 09-09-2016, 10:14 AM CooterBrown "In Bangkok there's a lot of fellas that look like some pretty girls. I'm not gay but I can understand that after some cobra wine you may not mind going there." · 09-09-2016, 11:39 AM DeftwillP Deep thoughts on sexuality from dirtbike · 09-09-2016, 02:41 PM Stilicho More powerful men than Dirtbike have fallen victim to cobra whiskey and ladyboys. · 09-09-2016, 02:52 PM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown It's better reading it as Morgan Freeman. I'm more an Ernest man myself, know what I mean Verne ? · 09-09-2016, 02:54 PM Chad Fuck Quote: Originally Posted by Stilicho More powerful men than Dirtbike have fallen victim to cobra whiskey and ladyboys. The voice of experience. · 09-09-2016, 04:41 PM SBBruin Quote: Originally Posted by Stilicho More powerful men than Dirtbike have fallen victim to cobra whiskey and ladyboys. (Rocko) Et tu, Stilicho? (/Rocko) · 09-09-2016, 05:11 PM gernblansten Quote: Originally Posted by Stilicho More powerful men than Dirtbike have fallen victim to cobra whiskey and ladyboys. A man more powerful than Dirtbike? Highly unlikely. · 09-09-2016, 05:35 PM Stilicho Quote: Originally Posted by SBBruin (Rocko) Et tu, Stilicho? (/Rocko) You read my mind. · 09-09-2016, 05:45 PM SBBruin Quote: Originally Posted by Hollywood Colt are y'all able to keep a straight face and actually get work done with dirtbike around? i honestly wouldn't be able to keep it together. I honestly would spend all of my time following him around hoping to catch a gem spewing forth from his majestic piehole. · 09-09-2016, 05:48 PM skipperj Quote: Originally Posted by Stilicho You read my mind. I mean, everyone was thinking it in some form or other. · 09-09-2016, 05:48 PM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by SBBruin I honestly would spend all of my time following him around hoping to catch a gem spewing forth from his majestic piehole. It's thrown around waaay too much, but that's just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him. · 09-09-2016, 10:39 PM TexasFight2025 Quote: Originally Posted by BlueGreySky06 Done Freeman. Lawrence (Office Space). Brennan & Dale (Step brothers). There are so many good voices to give Jimmy. Sam Elliott · 09-09-2016, 11:20 PM Bolverk From a technically linguistic approach, this guy's approach pretty well replicates my conception of Dirt Bike's voice. What he's really talking about with vowels is the addition of a strong diphthong for each vowel. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P32vIpZ_Y9g Just add in a more grizzled but animated voice. · 09-28-2016, 01:45 PM CooterBrown "I expected Shreveport to be more like Vegas." "It smelled trifely bad in that casino." "It's not unusual to pee yourself on long car rides. That's why I carry extra underwear in the trunk." "Bought Tina two shots and a Long Island Iced Tea. She did everything I needed her to do after that." "I made money like your mom makes kids. Fat and often." Once a side note, Jimmy brought a 1 gallon bag full of M&Ms for lunch today. Has to be 5 lbs in that bag. · 09-28-2016, 01:59 PM SJS Quote: Originally Posted by Jimmy "I made money like your mom makes kids. Fat and often." Hilarious. · 09-28-2016, 03:07 PM Dutchrudder Regular or peanut? · 09-28-2016, 03:34 PM BlueGreySky06 Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "I expected Shreveport to be more like Vegas." "Bought Tina two shots and a Long Island Iced Tea. She did everything I needed her to do after that." regular casanova there. jimmy ever the ladies man. Bottom of Form · 09-28-2016, 03:39 PM 210816horn How in the fuck did I miss this thread. Shame on me · 09-28-2016, 03:58 PM zepol87 Oh yes Jimmy still bringing it. · 09-28-2016, 05:47 PM CooterBrown Quote: Originally Posted by Dutchrudder Regular or peanut? Peanut. · 09-28-2016, 05:49 PM Chad Fuck You must spread some rep... · 09-28-2016, 05:59 PM tejas60 please tell me he ate all those fuckers. · 09-28-2016, 07:34 PM gernblansten Does Jimmy look like Jerry? · 09-28-2016, 07:47 PM Dutchrudder I just knew Dirtbike was a peanut M&M kinda guy. Thanks for confirming. · 09-28-2016, 08:17 PM Celery Man Solid round there. I both chortled and guffawed. · 09-28-2016, 09:28 PM wd40 · 09-29-2016, 12:18 AM MortimerTX Last two pages had me rolling. Holy shit · 09-29-2016, 07:15 AM Gardner Barnes Quote: Originally Posted by wd40 http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ba4GU5W2Mi...ore+online.jpg That is what I picture also. But cooter stated a few pages back that he looks more like this: · 09-29-2016, 09:24 AM flaco What does Dirtbike look and sound like? How does he dress? · 09-29-2016, 10:19 AM Bath Salt Dealer Quote: Originally Posted by TexasFight2025 Sam Elliott Jerry Clower. · 09-29-2016, 12:11 PM flaco I am thinking more like Larry the Cable Guy. · 09-29-2016, 12:20 PM MissingInAction Quote: Originally Posted by flaco I am thinking more like Larry the Cable Guy. Larry is a hack, Dirt Bike is sublime genius. · 09-29-2016, 12:25 PM NorthLoop Yeah don't insult Dirt Bike like that · 09-29-2016, 01:11 PM ihateowho I imagine he looks like that one poster we used to have "duck something"'s avatar. That guy was almost Jimmy like in some of his posts. Hopefully somebody knows what I'm talking about. It may have been Ducksmith? · 09-29-2016, 02:28 PM BlueGreySky06 love when shaggy plays the "i like to imagine dirtbike like..." game. always makes me think of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A0-u85aAYg · 09-29-2016, 09:08 PM mchookem Cosmo Kramer · 09-29-2016, 09:27 PM Gunsup Quote: Originally Posted by bath salt dealer jerry clower. yes! · 09-29-2016, 10:44 PM trey3216 Quote: Originally Posted by Bath Salt Dealer Jerry Clower. Arnell, Burnell, Raynell, W.L., Lynell, Odell, Udell, Marcell!! Claude, Newgene, and Clovis ... · 10-02-2016, 10:14 PM SquishMitten Fat and often. Amazing. · 10-04-2016, 10:23 AM CooterBrown "Tina's been out of town all week. Sure been lonely having no one to talk to at home. I tried to get my dogs to talk to me but I couldn't understand them." · 10-04-2016, 11:49 AM bozo_casanova Quote: Originally Posted by Bath Salt Dealer Jerry Clower. Knock him out John! · 10-19-2016, 12:24 PM CooterBrown "We're cutting down to the bare bones. Getting down to brass tactics." J: "You'd have to talk to Miss Kitty." G: "Who's Miss Kitty?" J: "If you were smarter you'd know who this man is talking about." "Perceptive is like a train..how are you gonna stop a train when...it has to be...everyone is uploading PDFs" "Her handwriting is much more pleasing to the ears" "Sometimes I close my eyes and do brain pushups." "I'm sitting in my deer blind watching some raccoons. Drinking. Vaping. Look up, no more coons. Turn around, there's a coon in there with me so I shot it with my crossbow. I'm not going to generally advise you to shoot a crossbow inside a blind but if given the choice of life or death by coon, Jimmy chooses life. Every. God. Damn. Time." · 10-19-2016, 12:32 PM Chad Fuck I'm always so happy when this thread gets bumped. · 10-19-2016, 12:35 PM capnamerca Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "I'm sitting in my deer blind watching some raccoons. Drinking. Vaping. Look up, no more coons. Turn around, there's a coon in there with me so I shot it with my crossbow. I'm not going to generally advise you to shoot a crossbow inside a blind but if given the choice of life or death by coon, Jimmy chooses life. Every. God. Damn. Time." There's a new leader in the clubhouse. Holy fuck. · 10-19-2016, 12:42 PM Gardner Barnes Quote: Originally Posted by capnamerca There's a new leader in the clubhouse. Holy fuck. This is an undisputed second place and literally LOL funny. But I don't think the John Goodman/Dirthbike story can ever be topped. · 10-19-2016, 12:53 PM Rivers Quote: Originally Posted by Chad Fuck I'm always so happy when this thread gets bumped. 1234 · 10-19-2016, 12:59 PM ihateowho Quote: Originally Posted by Gardner Barnes This is an undisputed second place and literally LOL funny. But I don't think the John Goodman/Dirthbike story can ever be topped. Completely agree with this. Those two are 1A and 1B. · 10-19-2016, 01:02 PM chuychanga I picture him looking like <---- · 10-19-2016, 01:08 PM SBBruin "Getting down to brass tactics" is going to be working its way into my lexicon. · 10-19-2016, 01:11 PM Celery Man Is... Perceptive some sort of software related to PDFs, or was he talking about the one thing and then got sidetracked by PDF e-mails or something? · 10-19-2016, 01:41 PM CooterBrown Quote: Originally Posted by Celery Man Is... Perceptive some sort of software related to PDFs, or was he talking about the one thing and then got sidetracked by PDF e-mails or something? It's a document management system. basically a black hole for all your documentation to disappear into never to been seen again. · 10-19-2016, 03:20 PM NorthLoop holy shit that coon story tears in my eyes · 10-19-2016, 03:37 PM OnBoard Drinking AND vaping ? Wondering if these were real coons in the blind ?? · 10-19-2016, 03:50 PM Walden Ponderer "It's a choice between life or death by coon." That's my new excuse for anything stupid I ever do. · 10-20-2016, 12:55 PM CooterBrown Quote: Originally Posted by Walden Ponderer "It's a choice between life or death by coon." That's my new excuse for anything stupid I ever do. Are you a cop? · 10-31-2016, 10:00 AM CooterBrown "His talking is always way above. His words are hairy and sticky." "Americans are the fattest people in the country." "Ya'll said he was some big giant wig." "I told Tina that if she kept it up she was gonna have a come to Jimmy meeting." · 10-31-2016, 10:04 AM drew8117 Come to Jimmy meeting. Perfect. · 10-31-2016, 11:09 AM irishtexan Quote: Originally Posted by Gardner Barnes This is an undisputed second place and literally LOL funny. But I don't think the John Goodman/Dirthbike story can ever be topped. never say never when it comes to Dirt Bike. · 12-01-2016, 02:28 PM CooterBrown "My dad would scissor me. I'd be screaming and crying. In the Western Sizzler." · 12-01-2016, 02:37 PM BurntEyes Best thread bumps on shaggy. · 12-01-2016, 03:43 PM El Diablo "Two Dudes Scissoring". Feather Indian name equivalent of "Sue" for a boy in English. · 12-01-2016, 03:52 PM Wiler77 Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "My dad would scissor me. I'd be screaming and crying. In the Western Sizzler." I have to admit, I expected Dirt Bike to know the difference between Western Sizzlin' and Sizzler. · 12-30-2016, 02:15 PM CooterBrown "I'm spending New Year's Eve like I spent Old Year's Eve. In a drunking stupid killing people." "Don't make me clean your wheelhouse." "Tina asked me if she should buy the Suicide Squad movie. I told her my work compadres said she has shitty taste in movies, so no way. She did pick up Old Dogs from the dollar bin though. It's a goodie classic." · 12-30-2016, 02:45 PM Celery Man Don't make me clean your wheelhouse. Going in the phrasebook. · 01-24-2017, 09:09 AM CooterBrown "Now there's a fine line with a thick wall." "It's gotta be bad before it gets better. ...but it's always gonna be bad. Remember that." "That concludes your training, thank you for flying Jimmy Airlines. If you'll check your email, you'll see that I sent you something. Nope. I sent that to myself. Too bad for you." "It's just a bunch of bullarkey." "I don't know how I burnt my arm though. It must have been heat or something." I met this guy and his fashionation was jalapenos and geckos. "Even though my team (Bama) lost, I'm glad Crimson won the championship." "Happy new year, but is it really a new year? It feels like you just take one number off the end and add the next number." "How's the kids? You still have all of 'em?" "Fingers be damned. I got grinding to do. God gave us spares for a reason." "What's it called when you only eat animals that eat other animals? I'm that. Jimmy the Predator." · 01-24-2017, 09:28 AM OnBoard All is right with the world again. · 01-24-2017, 09:30 AM ihateowho Fingers be damned. Indeed. Bottom of Form · 01-24-2017, 10:41 AM zepol87 Jimmy the Predator · 01-24-2017, 10:57 AM MissingInAction Quote: If you'll check your email, you'll see that I sent you something. Nope. I sent that to myself. Too bad for you. I'm using this at work as much as possible. · 01-24-2017, 11:09 AM jt this is actually wonderful, and completely useful in everyday conversation: Quote: How's the kids? You still have all of 'em? .....right up until you say that to someone whose kid died, or got taken in a custody battle. · 01-24-2017, 11:33 AM Kyrie Eleison Quote: Originally Posted by MissingInAction I'm using this at work as much as possible. you're full of bullarkey. · 01-24-2017, 12:23 PM BurntEyes Just got off the phone with my manager who was being a complete twat waffle. Kinda turned my day to shit with some news I got. Then I open this thread and read: "It's gotta be bad before it gets better. ...but it's always gonna be bad. Remember that." I am much better now, but still bad. · 01-24-2017, 12:27 PM SBBruin bullarkey is now part of my lexicon. · 01-24-2017, 01:22 PM El Diablo Quote: Originally Posted by SBBruin bullarkey is now part of my lexicon. You have a lexicon named Bullarkey? · 01-24-2017, 04:28 PM nolacycling Quote: Originally Posted by jt this is actually wonderful, and completely useful in everyday conversation: .....right up until you say that to someone whose kid died, or got taken in a custody battle. yeah, be careful. in this instance Dirt Bike's fine line wall may not be as thick as he thinks. Missed ya, Dirt Bike. How did you celebrate the "new" year? · 01-24-2017, 04:43 PM trey3216 Dirt Bike have any thoughts on inauguration/women's protest/etc? Could be some gold in there. · 01-24-2017, 08:08 PM drew8117 This guy is gold. · 01-24-2017, 08:32 PM BlueGreySky06 Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "Now there's a fine line with a thick wall." "It's gotta be bad before it gets better. ...but it's always gonna be bad. Remember that." "That concludes your training, thank you for flying Jimmy Airlines. If you'll check your email, you'll see that I sent you something. Nope. I sent that to myself. Too bad for you." "It's just a bunch of bullarkey." "I don't know how I burnt my arm though. It must have been heat or something." I met this guy and his fashionation was jalapenos and geckos. "Even though my team (Bama) lost, I'm glad Crimson won the championship." "Happy new year, but is it really a new year? It feels like you just take one number off the end and add the next number." "How's the kids? You still have all of 'em?" "Fingers be damned. I got grinding to do. God gave us spares for a reason." "What's it called when you only eat animals that eat other animals? I'm that. Jimmy the Predator." just wanted to quote the latest batch of gold so it's on the new page. fuckin love jimmyisms. · 01-24-2017, 09:14 PM the idoit Fashionation. I'm not precisely certain what Jimmy was getting at but when I use it it's going to mean "fetish". · 01-25-2017, 08:30 AM Robin Masters Quote: "I like that Trump. He and me are like one brain. We think what each other is saying." They still have the Vulcan mind meld? (No CR) And how is he doing with his bought while drunk high mileage Ridgeline? Aka Ghost? · 01-25-2017, 10:05 AM SquishMitten Quote: Originally Posted by the idoit Fashionation. I'm not precisely certain what Jimmy was getting at but when I use it it's going to mean "fetish". Fascination, you idoit. · 01-25-2017, 10:06 AM CooterBrown Quote: Originally Posted by Robin Masters They still have the Vulcan mind meld? (No CR) And how is he doing with his bought while drunk high mileage Ridgeline? Aka Ghost? He hasn't mentioned Trump since the election. I'm not sure he knows he won. He traded in the Ridgeline for a Tundra. Pretty sure he lost money on that deal. · 01-25-2017, 05:30 PM Gardner Barnes Is the tundra also called "ghost"? · 01-25-2017, 08:33 PM lurch What's in the inbox?!? · 01-25-2017, 11:09 PM Gardner Barnes Rereading the latest updates "I don't know how I burned my arm though, must have been the heat or something" has to be the end of a GREAT Jimmy story. · 02-02-2017, 07:26 AM Luke Duke Jimmy for President · 02-02-2017, 08:28 AM El Diablo I don't think it's any accident that these two quotes were put together. Quote: "How's the kids? You still have all of 'em?" "Fingers be damned. I got grinding to do. God gave us spares for a reason." There's a pattern there that reflects the deeper Dirt Bike philosophy. If there's more than one of something then there is a disposable excess. · 02-02-2017, 09:28 AM iamthepush Cooter can you control a, control v on a google doc and share? · 02-22-2017, 10:37 AM CooterBrown And I was like, whew. Crisis diverted. Tina's iPhone 7, or 5, well 6s Plus. I dibble dabbled in the wacky weed. It was in one of my quick dash, sit down, stand up meetings. If I work 34 hours today, I only have to do 8 tomorrow and 8 Friday. Jimmy: You missed a good one yesterday, buddy. Scott: I missed a good what? Jimmy: Nuthin. Nuthing at all. · 02-22-2017, 11:13 AM MissingInAction Dirt Bike Saves! · 02-22-2017, 11:34 AM BurntEyes Jimmy is a He-Man for every day folk. A master of the universe of thought. There are things Dirt Bike says that I couldn't understand, shouldn't understand. I am grateful however for his efforts to enlighten the the poor, the weak, the stupid huddling masses like myself. · 02-22-2017, 12:22 PM CooterBrown Got a prank I'm gonna do on Tina. Bought some Carolina Reaper chili powder. Gonna put it in some eggs or something. I'm also going to pour a lot of it in the milk so when she goes for it that girl is gonna have double good times. This will either be fun time or divorce time. I'm not sure which. · 02-22-2017, 12:41 PM OnBoard Dibble dabbled in the wacky weed. Oh the gold in them thar words…. I'm gonna have to dibble dabble just as a tribute….. · 02-22-2017, 01:55 PM You don't know me I will readily admit that I was ecstatic to see this thread bumped. It brightened my day! · 02-22-2017, 02:13 PM jt just in case you need some help from capt obvious, we're going to need follow up on this: Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown Got a prank I'm gonna do on Tina. Bought some Carolina Reaper chili powder. Gonna put it in some eggs or something. I'm also going to pour a lot of it in the milk so when she goes for it that girl is gonna have double good times. This will either be fun time or divorce time. I'm not sure which. · 02-22-2017, 05:10 PM CheeseWeasel Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown And I was like, whew. Crisis diverted. Oh shit. Where is it headed? · 02-22-2017, 09:10 PM DeftwillP Tina's orifices from the sound of it · 02-22-2017, 09:20 PM lurch Crisis Diverted would be a great band name · 03-06-2017, 12:02 PM CooterBrown A group text conversation today on Jimmy's day off... Jimmy: OK I'm about to step in the water and use my salsa which is a block but if I don't get the plug in the water or the salt in the water will I get shocked if I'm standing in about a foot of water. Scott: I have no clue what you are asking. What does salsa have to do with electricity? Jimmy: I plan on standing in the water using a saw zaw. Jimmy: Will I die. Tina is not with me. So I need someone to say yes or no. · 03-06-2017, 12:03 PM NorthLoop So much of me wants him to do it, and so much of me wants him to live forever. I'm conflicted. · 03-06-2017, 12:06 PM CooterBrown "I have no problem putting my life in the Lord's hands. That may be the drinking talking." · 03-06-2017, 12:10 PM You don't know me Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown A group text conversation today on Jimmy's day off... Jimmy: OK I'm about to step in the water and use my salsa which is a block but if I don't get the plug in the water or the salt in the water will I get shocked if I'm standing in about a foot of water. Scott: I have no clue what you are asking. What does salsa have to do with electricity? Jimmy: I plan on standing in the water using a saw zaw. Jimmy: Will I die. Tina is not with me. So I need someone to say yes or no. Please don't die, Jimmy. · 03-06-2017, 12:14 PM Hollywood Colt why doesn't dirtbike have has own TV show? do you think he would thrive in front of the camera? · 03-06-2017, 12:17 PM You don't know me Quote: Originally Posted by Hollywood Colt why doesn't dirtbike have has own TV show? do you think he would thrive in front of the camera? Like the Red Green Show, but with Jimmy. · 03-06-2017, 12:25 PM ihateowho Dirt Bike is that rare bird that wouldn't die after being electrocuted. He would just kind of shake it off and say "man that was crazy". · 03-06-2017, 12:40 PM Wiler77 We're going to need an update ASAP. Someone text him to see if he lived · 03-06-2017, 12:48 PM JimmyGlass I don't care what it says on the package, that is the correct spelling of saw zaw. No one pronounces it sawzall. Jimmy is right again. · 03-06-2017, 12:54 PM MissingInAction Looks like dirt bike's phone was auto-correcting him. · 03-06-2017, 01:01 PM Rimbo Jimmy may very well be the greatest person ever · 03-06-2017, 02:31 PM El Diablo Do I want to know why he has a saw zaw in the pool? Nope, I'm just rolling with it. · 03-06-2017, 02:43 PM MoreHorNsePower Holy shit...why have I missed this in all my lurking??!! I just spent the last 2 hours on this thread...and I'm already impatiently waiting for the next update... · 03-06-2017, 02:51 PM trey3216 Quote: Originally Posted by MoreHorNsePower Holy shit...why have I missed this in all my lurking??!! I just spent the last 2 hours on this thread...and I'm already impatiently waiting for the next update... This thread should be read from start to finish at least once/quarter. · 03-06-2017, 03:03 PM Celery Man can we get jimmy to do an audio commentary track for planet earth 2 · 03-06-2017, 04:13 PM Chad Fuck Quote: Originally Posted by Celery Man can we get jimmy to do an audio commentary track for planet earth 2 Man, I don't know what you're on, but I need some as well. Preferably while I watch Jimmy doing the audio commentary for Planet Earth 2. · 03-06-2017, 04:23 PM Rimbo Quote: Originally Posted by Celery Man can we get jimmy to do an audio commentary track for planet earth 2 dirtbike > randall · 03-06-2017, 04:51 PM CooterBrown J- You missed a good one yesterday, buddy. S- I missed a good what? J- Nuthin. Nuthing at all. I used to have a sweet rat tail. My mom still has it in an album somewhere. I used to have a orca-nomic keyboard. "Carry on my wayward son... who sings that? The Stones? It ain't Prince" "Speaking of Prince....Bruce Sringsteen. They're both old. Well, ones dead" · 03-06-2017, 05:23 PM iamthepush Quote: Originally Posted by ihateowho Dirt Bike is that rare bird that wouldn't die after being electrocuted. He would just kind of shake it off and say "man, those ant's got the life". fixed Bottom of Form · 03-06-2017, 08:19 PM BlueGreySky06 Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown A group text conversation today on Jimmy's day off... Jimmy: OK I'm about to step in the water and use my salsa which is a block but if I don't get the plug in the water or the salt in the water will I get shocked if I'm standing in about a foot of water. Scott: I have no clue what you are asking. What does salsa have to do with electricity? Jimmy: I plan on standing in the water using a saw zaw. Jimmy: Will I die. Tina is not with me. So I need someone to say yes or no. I don't know why but this one got me more than others in the past. Sides hurt from laughing right now. · 03-06-2017, 09:29 PM lurch Quote: Originally Posted by Rimbo Jimmy may very well be the greatest person ever There's a lot of hyperbole on the Shag. This ain't one. · 03-07-2017, 09:25 AM Chad Fuck Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown J "Carry on my wayward son... who sings that? The Stones? It ain't Prince" "Speaking of Prince....Bruce Sringsteen. They're both old. Well, ones dead" Tell me there was an air guitar, Pete Townsend-style arm windmill when this conversation took place. My imaginary Dirt Bike did it. · 03-07-2017, 10:41 AM Kyrie Eleison "saw zaw"...lol · 03-07-2017, 05:31 PM wd40 Quote: Originally Posted by Kyrie Eleison "saw zaw"...lol 'salsa', is even better, now that I know how to pronounce the second 's'. it's allsomer, you might say. · 03-09-2017, 03:06 PM MilkmanDan · 03-09-2017, 08:07 PM BlueGreySky06 Magnificent. · 03-21-2017, 11:24 AM CooterBrown "My mom's birthday just came and all I had to give her for her birthday was a shave." Jimmy - They want to go fishing 50 or 100 miles off the coast, but I don't want to go Monica - Are you afraid you'll get lost? Jimmy - No, cause I'm Cherokee. The Cherokee were not known for being a seafaring people. "What's that other song Garth Brook sings?....I went to her wedding, I had some tequila....something like that. Nope, it's Low Friends in High Places!" "You done got jimmied." · 03-21-2017, 11:29 AM BearSchlong lmfao at Cherokees not known for being seafaring people. That's awesome. · 03-21-2017, 11:32 AM jt i mean, he's not wrong about that at all. · 03-21-2017, 11:33 AM Celery Man I am, as usual, struck dumb at the profundities bestowed upon us by the Jimmy. But know, I am listening. And learning. · 03-21-2017, 11:43 AM Rex Kramer Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "My mom's birthday just came and all I had to give her for her birthday was a shave." Jimmy - They want to go fishing 50 or 100 miles off the coast, but I don't want to go Monica - Are you afraid you'll get lost? Jimmy - No, cause I'm Cherokee. The Cherokee were not known for being a seafaring people. "What's that other song Garth Brook sings?....I went to her wedding, I had some tequila....something like that. Nope, it's Low Friends in High Places!" "You done got jimmied." This guy has to be doing a bit here. Which is fine because he's still funny as shit. But it can't be unintentional. He knows he's getting a reaction out of people here. He's playing up to the audience. · 03-21-2017, 12:01 PM Gunsup I'm not even convinced he's real. I think Cooter's playing everyone. · 03-21-2017, 12:04 PM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by Rex Kramer This guy has to be doing a bit here. Which is fine because he's still funny as shit. But it can't be unintentional. He knows he's getting a reaction out of people here. He's playing up to the audience. Dudes, that authentic frontier gibberish ……. · 03-21-2017, 12:05 PM iamthepush Quote: Originally Posted by Gunsup I'm not even convinced he's real. I think Cooter's playing everyone. begged! nobody, i mean no one talks about Jimmy like that · 03-21-2017, 12:36 PM CooterBrown Jimmy's absolutely real and completely not self-aware. · 03-21-2017, 12:43 PM Wiler77 I'd have to re-read this thread to see if there's a better one than the Cherokee exchange. It's definitely the best in a while. · 03-21-2017, 12:45 PM Rex Kramer Quote: Originally Posted by Wiler77 I'd have to re-read this thread to see if there's a better one than the Cherokee exchange. It's definitely the best in a while. It's up there. Best one I've heard since "Jimmy chooses life" when squaring off against the raccoon in the deer blind. · 03-21-2017, 12:47 PM CheeseWeasel Quote: Originally Posted by Wiler77 I'd have to re-read this thread to see if there's a better one than the Cherokee exchange. It's definitely the best in a while. Definitely Jimmy Top 5. · 03-21-2017, 12:53 PM Captain Obvious Quote: Originally Posted by Wiler77 I'd have to re-read this thread to see if there's a better one than the Cherokee exchange. It's definitely the best in a while. Dirt bike dream and raccoon story have the top spots pretty much in hand IMO. · 03-21-2017, 12:57 PM Walden Ponderer I dunno, maybe it's recency bias, but the "salsa" "Tina ain't here, will I die or not" thing is my fave. · 03-21-2017, 01:02 PM CheeseWeasel Alright Cooter, it's on you. Link us to the top 10 Jimmy quotes/stories. · 03-21-2017, 01:24 PM Gardner Barnes Quote: Originally Posted by jt i mean, he's not wrong about that at all. Jimmy is almost never wrong. That is what makes him so amazing. · 03-21-2017, 01:28 PM Gardner Barnes Ad Hawk. It's Latin for Incredible Hulk Cooter. I think Ive posted this before but Jimmyisms would be a great twitter feed and is the kind of thing that randomly gets made into a book. Kind of like "shit my dad says" . Just update as needed. Hell you have a ton here already. · 03-21-2017, 01:55 PM Rimbo Quote: Originally Posted by Gunsup I'm not even convinced he's real. I think Cooter's playing everyone. Strongest evidence that CooterBrown = Jimmy: Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown It's a document management system. basically a black hole for all your documentation to disappear into never to been seen again. Although I think it's more likely that CooterBrown's mind is slowly being taken over by Jimmy's. Like a virus. · 03-21-2017, 01:59 PM Walden Ponderer Virus, raccoon, it's all the same. · 03-21-2017, 02:01 PM Rimbo that said, i don't give a flying fuck if he's real or not; every time Cooter updates this thread, it's like suddenly finding out it's Christmas again · 03-21-2017, 02:32 PM BurntEyes Quote: Originally Posted by Rimbo that said, i don't give a flying fuck if he's real or not; every time Cooter updates this thread, it's like suddenly finding out it's Christmas again I'm certainly not going to let facts sands of time in ways of jimmy. · 03-21-2017, 02:40 PM Kyrie Eleison i've got a shit-ton of low friends in high places. · 03-21-2017, 10:18 PM MissingInAction I've about had it with all this blaspheme of our Dear Dirtbike. · 03-21-2017, 11:18 PM drew8117 Quote: Originally Posted by Rex Kramer It's up there. Best one I've heard since "Jimmy chooses life" when squaring off against the raccoon in the deer blind. Yeah my top 2 now. Quote: Originally Posted by Walden Ponderer I dunno, maybe it's recency bias, but the "salsa" "Tina ain't here, will I die or not" thing is my fave. Shit, top 3 Quote: Originally Posted by BurntEyes I'm certainly not going to let facts sands of time in ways of jimmy. Yep · 04-10-2017, 08:40 AM CooterBrown "That's not the jimmy way. Make it more sexy and that's the jimmy way." Overheard across the cubicle wall: (giggle) "That feels gooooood..." · 04-10-2017, 10:11 AM Gardner Barnes Holy.shit @ the first one. Just LOLed for real. · 04-10-2017, 10:16 AM JSB Jimmy video chatting with Tina? · 04-10-2017, 10:22 AM Walden Ponderer Quote: Originally Posted by JSB Jimmy video chatting with Tina? I'm picturing a wading pool with a jar of salsa, and some Barry White playing in the background. · 04-10-2017, 10:26 AM Gardner Barnes Quote: Originally Posted by Walden Ponderer I'm picturing a wading pool with a jar of salsa, and some Barry White playing in the background. With his black Honda truck, aka Ghost, in the background. · 04-10-2017, 11:14 AM MissingInAction John Goodman looks on in approval from afar. · 04-10-2017, 01:29 PM Dutchrudder Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "My ex wife once sent me a birthday cake at work. I put it in the break room so anybody could get a piece. Later I remembered she had poisoned me before." "What these guys do..did...done...still do..." Adam: "Jimmy have you seen people fishing with drones?" Jimmy: "I seen a lot of things. (long pause) Jesus. I've seen things." Just wanted to bump this one. Such a great piece of work here. · 04-10-2017, 02:53 PM CooterBrown Jimmy recipe he just told us about. "It Ain't Butter...": Split an avocado in half, peel, and remove seed. Stuff with cheese. Put together and wrap in hamburger meat. Wrap in bacon. On the smoker for an hour. · 04-10-2017, 02:59 PM Red Five Cooter you should have a shaggy raffle, where a few lucky shagsters get to meet Dirt Bike. $20 per ticket. Proceeds cure cancer. · 04-10-2017, 03:02 PM HOOKEM4 Quote: Originally Posted by Red Five Cooter you should have a shaggy raffle, where a few lucky shagsters get to meet Dirt Bike. $20 per ticket. Proceeds cure fake cancer. fify · 04-10-2017, 03:03 PM NorthLoop Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown Jimmy recipe he just told us about. "It Ain't Butter...": Split an avocado in half, peel, and remove seed. Stuff with cheese. Put together and wrap in hamburger meat. Wrap in bacon. On the smoker for an hour. Chupacabra Eggs · 04-10-2017, 03:20 PM BlueGreySky06 Ad Hawk. It's Latin for Incredible Hulk Who's gonna be the first one to post their attempt at Jimmy's recipe in GM's? I will without doubt be trying to make that this weekend. · 04-10-2017, 03:32 PM Celery Man I mean, sounds pretty good. · 04-10-2017, 03:36 PM Dutchrudder Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown Jimmy recipe he just told us about. "It Ain't Butter...": Split an avocado in half, peel, and remove seed. Stuff with cheese. Put together and wrap in hamburger meat. Wrap in bacon. On the smoker for an hour. So you remove the avocado insides, replace the seed hole with cheese and meat, put them back together, and wrap in bacon? · 04-10-2017, 03:47 PM CooterBrown Quote: Originally Posted by Dutchrudder So you remove the avocado insides, replace the seed hole with cheese and meat, put them back together, and wrap in bacon? Only cheese on the inside. The avocado is wrapped in meat like a scotch egg. Then bacon around the whole thing. · 04-10-2017, 03:50 PM Dutchrudder Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown Only cheese on the inside. The avocado is wrapped in meat like a scotch egg. Then bacon around the whole thing. · 04-10-2017, 03:58 PM SquishMitten No way that's anything short of delicious. I know what I'm having for dinner. · 04-10-2017, 07:10 PM trey3216 Not to take anything away from Sir Dirtbike, but I've seen that recipe on one of those Facebook auto play recipe things at lelast a dozen times. · 04-10-2017, 09:13 PM BlueGreySky06 Yeah, because they stole it from Jimmy. Bottom of Form · 04-10-2017, 09:46 PM trey3216 Quote: Originally Posted by BlueGreySky06 Yeah, because they stole it from Jimmy. I did say Sir Dirtbike · 04-10-2017, 10:17 PM CooterBrown Quote: Originally Posted by trey3216 Not to take anything away from Sir Dirtbike, but I've seen that recipe on one of those Facebook auto play recipe things at lelast a dozen times. He did give credit to a video his wife showed him. · 04-10-2017, 10:27 PM BlueGreySky06 Quote: Originally Posted by trey3216 I did say Sir Dirtbike Touché. · 04-17-2017, 02:04 PM CooterBrown "There's sunflower seeds in there? Are they seedless?" "I'm very respectful to my mother. For everyone else... no words barred." "There's something about the butt." "The world would be a better place if everybody spent more time fishing." "Squirrel gets the nut. Jimmy gets the squirrel. Circle of life." · 04-17-2017, 02:08 PM gernblansten Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "Squirrel gets the nut. Jimmy gets the squirrel. Circle of life." Raccoon patiently bides time to get Jimmy... · 04-17-2017, 02:08 PM Rimbo "Squirrel gets the nut. Jimmy gets the squirrel. Circle of life." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLMaRV_jLT4 · 04-17-2017, 02:14 PM Walden Ponderer Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "Squirrel gets the nut. Jimmy gets the squirrel. Circle of life." · 04-17-2017, 02:18 PM ihateowho Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "There's something about the butt." New motto? · 04-17-2017, 02:39 PM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "The world would be a better place if everybody spent more time fishing." "Squirrel gets the nut. Jimmy gets the squirrel. Circle of life." They're all great, but the last two are priceless one for zenlike truth, the other just for it's Jimmyness.... · 04-17-2017, 02:40 PM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by ihateowho New motto? Hasn't that always been an unspoken universally true motto ?? · 04-25-2017, 08:49 AM CooterBrown "The can has been opened." "Nacho Doritos with French onion dip is my go to whore door for guests." · 04-25-2017, 08:55 AM Celery Man hahahahahahaha fucking whore doors · 04-25-2017, 09:02 AM BurntEyes The "can" being left non specific in that Jimmyism is magical. Worms, Kick Ass, Pandora, Cats, green beans, who knows what chaos or beauty may be found in the can, but one thing is certain. Once that can has been opened, it can not be shut. · 04-25-2017, 09:10 AM Tex Long Quote: Originally Posted by BurntEyes ... Once that can has been opened, it can not be shut. With duck tape, all things are possible. Especially if you have the Real Thing™ - the stuff those brave but way-too-trusting cocksuckers on diesel subs use... · 04-25-2017, 11:42 AM Chad Fuck Quote: Originally Posted by BurntEyes The "can" being left non specific in that Jimmyism is magical. Worms, Kick Ass, Pandora, Cats, green beans, who knows what chaos or beauty may be found in the can, but one thing is certain. Once that can has been opened, it can not be shut. Pandora's Jimmy's Can. · 04-25-2017, 12:57 PM Rimbo · 04-25-2017, 04:34 PM BurntEyes Quote: Originally Posted by Tex Long With duck tape, all things are possible. Especially if you have the Real Thing™ - the stuff those brave but way-too-trusting cocksuckers on diesel subs use... if you keep it up, your gonna have a come to BurntEyes meeting. · 04-25-2017, 04:48 PM Tex Long Quote: Originally Posted by BurntEyes if you keep it up, your gonna have a come to BurntEyes meeting. Lean towards brave, I'm guessing? · 04-25-2017, 04:51 PM llanoflash bump of thread always gets me excited. i want to go fishing with jimmy. lots frio light would be purchased for sure. · 04-25-2017, 05:05 PM Chewbacca Fucking whore door. Don't ever change Dirtbike. · 04-25-2017, 08:28 PM CooterBrown One of the staff brought in some nacho doritos and french onion dip this afternoon in honor of Jimmy bringing it up the other day. I must say, I never considered that combination before but it delivered. · 04-26-2017, 01:05 AM Rimbo so you found out if Jimmy's way was the highway or if the highway was the right way? · 04-26-2017, 09:54 AM elfenix Jimmy and the Art of Dirtbike Repair · 04-26-2017, 10:15 AM Walden Ponderer Quote: Originally Posted by elfenix Jimmy and the Art of Dirtbike Repair I still prefer Zen and the Art of Salsa, but yours would be less confusing. · 04-26-2017, 12:49 PM EtOH I really need a new signature. What Would Dirtbike Do? S- "That's like me asking you what the best rocket fuel is" J- "Ethan....L.....Feet.......100% E.Coli" · 04-28-2017, 02:24 PM huge I just got to the end of this thread after ignoring it for 18 months and I must say that I am sad that I am at the end. Your dream is over Or has it just begun? Is there anything Queensryche doesn't know? · 05-02-2017, 02:34 PM CooterBrown "Was she high up falutin'?" "I'm poor in the wallet book, but rich in life." · 05-02-2017, 04:27 PM huge he should just shit some hunnerts in his wallet book... · 05-02-2017, 11:40 PM Rimbo I love this thread. Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk · 06-23-2017, 02:15 PM CooterBrown "They would eat mada-gas-can cockroaches." J "I'm chillin' like a willin." S "what the heck is a willin?" J "How do you not know?" Jimmy "I put those DVDs in my truck and when I got home, I couldn't find them." Chief "Were you drunk?" Jimmy "No...Possibly...Yes...Yes I was drunk." "We don't go to the Georgetown HEB. We drive to Round Rock. I ain't associating with those georgetown people." "Frio now makes a craft beer called Frio 6. You hippies probably like it." Jimmy "I've been drinking that...Mike's...uh..." Lisa "Hard Lemonade?" Jimmy "Yes! I almost said Mike's Hard On." · 06-23-2017, 02:17 PM DeftwillP Always good for a jimmy update · 06-23-2017, 02:18 PM drew8117 Mikes Hard On. And not associating with them Georgetown folks. · 06-23-2017, 02:18 PM Walden Ponderer I dated a girl in college who had a mighty fine mada-gas-can. Come to think of it, she liked hippie beers, too. · 06-23-2017, 03:10 PM zepol87 No. Possibly.. Yes... Yes I was drunk has been sad by myself many many times · 06-23-2017, 03:13 PM El Diablo What's Georgetown's city motto? "At Least We're Not Pflugerville!". · 06-23-2017, 03:17 PM MissingInAction Jimmy "I've been drinking that...Mike's...uh..." Lisa "Hard Lemonade?" Jimmy "Yes! I almost said Mike's Hard On." This fucking slayed me. · 06-23-2017, 04:16 PM Bolverk Would've been better had he said Mike's mom. · 06-23-2017, 04:20 PM Prepuce of Doom This is a relief. Over a month without any activity in this thread made me fear that the odds finally caught up to Jimmy. · 06-23-2017, 04:34 PM Walden Ponderer Quote: Originally Posted by Prepuce of Doom This is a relief. Over a month without any activity in this thread made me fear that the odds finally caught up to Jimmy. If the neither the raccoon nor the sawzall in the shower got him, ain't nothin' gonna get Jimmy. · 06-23-2017, 05:39 PM CooterBrown Quote: Originally Posted by Prepuce of Doom This is a relief. Over a month without any activity in this thread made me fear that the odds finally caught up to Jimmy. Jimmy had back surgery and was out 4 weeks. No idea what he did. Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk · 06-23-2017, 06:04 PM Dutchrudder Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown Jimmy had back surgery and was out 4 weeks. No idea what he did. Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk Well.... we're waiting.gif · 06-23-2017, 08:43 PM Prepuce of Doom I will wager $25 on the fact that the explanation involves a ladder, and a separate $25 on the fact that the explanation involves a tree. Give me some odds, bitches. · 06-24-2017, 08:42 AM J.R. Quote: Originally Posted by Prepuce of Doom This is a relief. Over a month without any activity in this thread made me fear that the odds finally caught up to Jimmy. If there's one thing Jimmy can beat, it's the odds. · 06-24-2017, 11:51 AM Celery Man I could see him beating scurvy and dropping some good lines about flintstones gummy vitamins · 06-25-2017, 11:32 AM cactusflinthead "The world would be a better place if everybody spent more time fishing." this cannot be said often enough · 08-01-2017, 11:13 AM CooterBrown "I don't know where that was going but it was headin somewhere it shouldn't gone." "I got a friend, he's about to do some bad stuff to some squirells." "the squirells are a major festation in his yard." "I wish I could travel as fast as a box." "They're trying to orchid-strate a christian retreat." · 08-01-2017, 11:28 AM Chad Fuck Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "I don't know where that was going but it was headin somewhere it shouldn't gone." This could be the motto for my misspent youth. · 08-01-2017, 11:56 AM DeftwillP That seems shag motto worthy · 08-02-2017, 09:04 PM drew8117 I'm sorry but he 2 squirrel ones stole it for me. Busted out laughing. · 08-07-2017, 03:28 PM BurntEyes I am angry with myself for having missed this last glorious update. I figure posting in here and getting it to the top of the thread will help atone for my sins. Quote: "I don't know where that was going but it was headin somewhere it shouldn't gone." Indeed, Sir Jimmy, indeed. Bottom of Form · 08-08-2017, 06:40 PM workswithseed Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "I wish I could travel as fast as a what box? · 08-09-2017, 10:13 AM Call dirtbike never fails to deliver. · 08-15-2017, 03:02 PM CooterBrown "Werly Harrelson peaked on the Norm show." "I don't like them yellow jackets. They just stare at me and rub their butts at me." "Chief, is that concert you're going to sit down cheerin' or stand up cheerin' ?" Jimmy - My niece is going back off to college Chief - Which college is she going to? Jimmy - The same one she was at last year · 08-15-2017, 07:40 PM BurntEyes Norm show, for the win. · 08-15-2017, 08:29 PM Gardner Barnes I perfect stand up cheerin concerts, personally. · 08-16-2017, 02:13 AM Rimbo Same one she was at last year. Well, where else would she be? · 08-16-2017, 09:00 AM MissingInAction Quote: Originally Posted by Rimbo Same one she was at last year. Well, where else would she be? That's pure dirtbike right there. · 08-16-2017, 11:26 AM Chad Fuck Ask a stupid question, get a Dirt Bike answer. · 08-16-2017, 01:52 PM Dutchrudder What is the Norm show? · 08-16-2017, 01:57 PM JimbAround Quote: Originally Posted by Dutchrudder What is the Norm show? I think we can assume he means Cheers. · 09-01-2017, 11:51 AM CooterBrown "Wayne Newton is about 110 years old. Ew. Honestly, I have caught a fish before that looks like his face. " "Tina has a Pacific way that she washes clothes." (on the phone with someone in Houston with Hurricane Harvey on the way) "Are ya'll on red alert standby?.........Are they STANDING BY? OK, well don't forget to go to sleep with your floaties on." · 09-01-2017, 12:09 PM tejas60 was waiting on the Harvey quotes! · 09-01-2017, 01:14 PM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown OK, well don't forget to go to sleep with your floaties on." He wasn't wrong..... · 10-23-2017, 08:34 AM CooterBrown "I've never known anyone named Chantel except for one person and that's Chantel" I was cutting the limb and I got a cholly horse. Scott-I always get the Pad See Ew. Jimmy-Pad See Ew too Noltre Dame won....isn't that the Saints? St. Louis? Lisa - "Jimmy, are you supposed to have a knife at work?" Jimmy- "Jimmy can have a knife at work" Lisa - "Why did you have a grenade at work?" Jimmy- "My grandfather died" (About 7 years ago, Jimmy brought a grenade to work to show everybody. Apparently I yelled at him and made him leave but I have no memory of this.) Man, it's good. I got a toothpick right now, just having a good-o time. · 10-23-2017, 08:53 AM Xian Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "I've never known anyone named Chantel except for one person and that's Chantel" I was cutting the limb and I got a cholly horse. Scott-I always get the Pad See Ew. Jimmy-Pad See Ew too Noltre Dame won....isn't that the Saints? St. Louis? Lisa - "Jimmy, are you supposed to have a knife at work?" Jimmy- "Jimmy can have a knife at work" Lisa - "Why did you have a grenade at work?" Jimmy- "My grandfather died" (About 7 years ago, Jimmy brought a grenade to work to show everybody. Apparently I yelled at him and made him leave but I have no memory of this.) Man, it's good. I got a toothpick right now, just having a good-o time. I feel like someone bringing a grenade to work is something I would remeber. But then again, I don’t work with jimmy. · 10-23-2017, 09:06 AM Chad Fuck Quote: Originally Posted by Xian I feel like someone bringing a grenade to work is something I would remeber. But then again, I don’t work with jimmy. Seconded. Could be just too many Jimmyisms to keep track of: Did he bring a llama last week or hand grenade? Who can remember? · 10-23-2017, 09:19 AM Dutchrudder I can't believe Jimmy has held the same job for 7+ years. He must be good friends with HR. · 10-23-2017, 09:32 AM Kyrie Eleison Quote: Man, it's good. I got a toothpick right now, just having a good-o time. that's a man that has it all figured out... · 10-23-2017, 09:40 AM El Diablo I've never known anyone named Chantel either but there's probably a dorm at Gary Job Corps named Chantel. · 10-23-2017, 10:09 AM ihateowho I had a step cousin named Chantel when I was a kid. She was kind of a whore. · 10-23-2017, 10:19 AM Dutchrudder pics? · 10-23-2017, 10:29 AM HenryJames "Jimmy can have a knife at work" · 10-23-2017, 10:38 AM Walden Ponderer Quote: Originally Posted by ihateowho I had a step cousin named Chantel when I was a kid. She was kind of a whore. Wait... she was your step cousin too?!?! · 10-23-2017, 11:21 AM ihateowho Quote: Originally Posted by Dutchrudder pics? This was in the early 80's before pictures were so easy to process and have readily available 35 years later. Quote: Originally Posted by Walden Ponderer Wait... she was your step cousin too?!?! I never did, but a real cousin on the other side of the family banged her in my bunk bed while I was asleep on the bottom bunk. · 10-23-2017, 12:16 PM PhillyD Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown Noltre Dame won....isn't that the Saints? St. Louis? So much to process in this. You can almost hear the wheels spinning. · 10-23-2017, 03:08 PM BurntEyes Quote: Originally Posted by PhillyD So much to process in this. You can almost hear the wheels spinning. I had to read it a few times to really get all the brilliant nuance. Spoken like a man who can have a knife at work. · 10-23-2017, 03:45 PM Robin Masters Quote: Originally Posted by Dutchrudder I can't believe Jimmy has held the same job for 7+ years. He must be good friends with HR. He's probably doing some multi-year undercover boss thing, laughing at how far he can push this Jimmy character before getting fired. At the Yacht club Tedsworth> Jimmy should take a hand grenade to work, maybe that will finally get him fired. Cooters Ceo> Smashing idea ol boy, just smashing. · 10-23-2017, 04:03 PM ihateowho Well of course Jimmy has a hand grenade. · 10-23-2017, 04:04 PM BlueGreySky06 · 11-01-2017, 10:34 AM CooterBrown Jimmy: You know, China has got some crazy stuff going on. Scott: Details? Jimmy: You would think so, right? "Want me to touch that for you? I'm good at it." "Trick or tweaking is how we do it in Georgetown." "If you have to shoot someone in the back just tell the cops he was coming at you backwards. That'll get you off." · 11-01-2017, 10:41 AM EtOH I bet that would get him off. · 11-01-2017, 12:05 PM DeftwillP You would think so, right? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro · 11-01-2017, 02:15 PM Rimbo "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to CooterBrown again." Someone help a fella out here. nothing like a dirtbike update to brighten your day, eh? · 11-01-2017, 02:16 PM BurntEyes Quote: Originally Posted by Rimbo "You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to CooterBrown again." Someone help a fella out here. nothing like a dirtbike update to brighten your day, eh? On it.. and agreed · 11-01-2017, 03:04 PM MissingInAction And he just got tag teamed. · 11-01-2017, 05:43 PM O1E Quote: Originally Posted by MissingInAction And he just got tag teamed. Triple teamed. Looked like there was room for more. · 11-01-2017, 06:29 PM tejas60 quadruple penet...... errrr rep! · 12-15-2017, 09:06 AM CooterBrown "My family used to get me a large description to Handyman Monthly every year. " "you can go to a historical town and have a historical lunch" The jousts must have been foam, er, not foam.....styrofoam. Alfredo- They're Nopalitos Jimmy- La Potatoes? "I think he's autistic. He always goes on these tyrants. " Jimmy "I was shinking..." Scott "Wait. Did you say 'shinking'?" Jimmy "I was shitting and thinking about life..." · 12-15-2017, 09:13 AM Kyrie Eleison The Shinker... · 12-15-2017, 09:18 AM ihateowho Shinking. That's a great word. Reminds me of Sniglets. · 12-15-2017, 09:36 AM OnBoard Will Rodgers got nuthin' on Jimmy · 12-15-2017, 09:45 AM Dutchrudder Jimmy "I was shinking..." Scott "Wait. Did you say 'shinking'?" Jimmy "I was shitting and thinking about life..." That's gold Jimmy, gold! · 12-15-2017, 02:16 PM PhillyD I've added shinking to words I need to utilize. · 12-15-2017, 04:08 PM Chad Fuck My best Shag work is done while shinking. · 12-15-2017, 04:20 PM HenryJames Quote: Originally Posted by Chad Fuck My best Shag work is done while shinking. That's called Chad Fucking. Or Chucking. · 12-15-2017, 05:12 PM burntorangebongos I kinda want to go to historical town now to see what is in this historical lunch. · 12-15-2017, 06:06 PM Gardner Barnes Quote: Originally Posted by burntorangebongos I kinda want to go to historical town now to see what is in this historical lunch. I’ll bet you can get LaPotatoes there. · 12-16-2017, 10:51 AM reagan1k You'll have to take a mean Shink after a lunch like that. · 12-16-2017, 11:25 AM trey3216 When I think of Jimmy shinking, and then his comments about "I've seen things. God I've seen things", that's some Jedi temple level shit all put together · 12-17-2017, 10:03 AM iamthepush I watch ants, it looks like they're having a great time Top of Form Bottom of Form · 12-17-2017, 09:11 AM Red Five I don't mean to dispute your word, but wasn't it "I've seen the ants"? · 12-17-2017, 11:34 AM iamthepush Quote: Originally Posted by Red Five I don't mean to dispute your word, but wasn't it "I've seen the ants"? Your probably right, it was just taking a shit, thinking about Jimmy · 12-17-2017, 04:39 PM Tex Long Quote: Originally Posted by iamthepush Your probably right, it was just taking a shit, t shinking about Jimmy accuracy · 01-15-2018, 07:52 PM CooterBrown Jimmy found a helicopter. We think one of these: http://www.innovatortech.ca/ Some relative died and he found it in the barn. No one knew the guy owned it. I think he’s going to try and get it working. He asked if he could land on the top of the parking garage. He left early to to go mess with it. I’ll find out details next time I go in to the office. · 01-15-2018, 07:55 PM HenryJames Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown He asked if he could land on the top of the parking garage. If your answer was anything other than ‘absolutely,’ negged. · 01-15-2018, 08:04 PM Prepuce of Doom Quote: Originally Posted by HenryJames If your answer was anything other than ‘absolutely,’ negged. Disagree - if left to take its natural course, tinkering with a helicopter will almost certainly result in Jimmy's death, and the extinction of this thread. · 01-15-2018, 08:28 PM Celery Man This will absolutely kill him. · 01-15-2018, 08:32 PM EtOH Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Dirtbike. · 01-15-2018, 08:41 PM ihateowho I don’t know what you Debbie Downer mother fuckers are talking about. Dirtbike is indestructible. · 01-15-2018, 08:45 PM Call It’s happening.gif Go Dirtbike you glorious bastard! · 01-15-2018, 09:02 PM Chad Fuck A helicopter is thousands of pieces working in conjunction to kill its’ pilot. If he gets it operating, he’ll be dead within a week. · 01-15-2018, 09:11 PM MilkmanDan Jets take off. Rockets blast off. Helicopters beat off. Fast! Fast! · 01-15-2018, 09:23 PM skipperj Helicopters jatch off. · 01-15-2018, 09:25 PM Rimbo Jimmy is absolutely going to die now. · 01-15-2018, 09:27 PM HenryJames Jimmy is going to Apocalypse Now/Flight of the Valkyries this bitch some weekday morning while Cooter is asking someone about their TPS reports. · 01-16-2018, 03:03 AM Bath Salt Dealer Quote: Originally Posted by HenryJames Jimmy is going to Apocalypse Now/Flight Ride of the Valkyries this bitch some weekday morning while Cooter is asking someone about their TPS reports. It's like some of you mofos have NO culture. · 01-16-2018, 05:50 AM Dutchrudder I hate reality tv, but if Jimmy had a show I would watch it. · 01-16-2018, 06:51 AM BurntEyes Quote: Originally Posted by Dutchrudder I hate reality tv, but if Jimmy had a show I would watch it. Same and we'd both be better for doing so. · 01-16-2018, 07:42 AM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by ihateowho I don’t know what you Debbie Downer mother fuckers are talking about. Dirtbike is indestructible. C'mon man be real. He'll be dead before he gets 10' off the ground. I don't wanna live in a world without dirt bike. · 01-16-2018, 08:08 AM Celery Man Nah - he gets it running and hops in before learning the controls. Vanishes up like a fart in the wind/a drone piloted by markstanco's wife/the old man from Up. Reappears at the office in 15 years like https://ewedit.files.wordpress.com/2016/07/jumanji.jpg · 01-16-2018, 08:28 AM Gardner Barnes A helicopter and a case of Frio beer. What could possibly go wrong? · 01-16-2018, 09:47 AM El Diablo With John Goodman as his co-pilot there is nothing Jimmy can't do. Jimmy can fly that thing. I believe. · 01-16-2018, 09:50 AM gernblansten · 01-16-2018, 10:20 AM burntorangebongos I wonder if the relative put it there for Jimmy to find....just cuz he knew the awesomeness that would ensue. · 01-16-2018, 11:54 AM El Diablo Quote: Originally Posted by burntorangebongos I wonder if the relative put it there for Jimmy to find....just cuz he knew the awesomeness that would ensue. Life is just one big Easter egg hunt for Jimmy. · 01-16-2018, 12:12 PM hullabelew Quote: Originally Posted by Chad Fuck A helicopter is thousands of pieces working in conjunction to kill its’ pilot. If he gets it operating, he’ll be dead within a week. Exactly. Did anyone pick Dirtbike in the Shaggy Death Pool? · 01-16-2018, 01:09 PM Tyler Durden Jimmy is Murdock? · 01-16-2018, 01:16 PM llanoflash git to da choppah! · 01-16-2018, 01:38 PM JSB holy shit, how awesome. "Jimmy found a helicopter." This kind of statement is so off the wall for most people, yet in Dirtbike's case, I found myself surprised it has just now happened. God speed Dirtbike · 01-16-2018, 02:28 PM BurntEyes Quote: Originally Posted by JSB holy shit, how awesome. "Jimmy found a helicopter." This kind of statement is so off the wall for most people, yet in Dirtbike's case, I found myself surprised it has just now happened. God speed Dirtbike Yeah, the only the unusual about King Dirt bike finding a helicopter is how long it took to occur. Were this another poster on another thread regarding someone else I'd be calling bullshit, but not here. THIS IS DIRTBIKE · 01-16-2018, 02:46 PM iamthepush "Dirt bike and the whirlybird go to Austin" is going to be the best 20 part mini series ever made. · 01-16-2018, 05:58 PM Rimbo Quote: Originally Posted by iamthepush "Dirt bike and the whirlybird go to Austin" is going to be the best 20 part mini series ever made. i think that series will go about as well as this did. no way Jimmy survives 20 episodes with a helicopter · 01-16-2018, 06:57 PM iamthepush Quote: Originally Posted by Rimbo i think that series will go about as well as this did. no way Jimmy survives 20 episodes with a helicopter In my autistic mind, he doesn't find the helo until episode 16 or so · 01-16-2018, 07:17 PM Tex Long Do hot air balloons fall out of the sky easier than choppers? · 01-16-2018, 08:24 PM Chad Fuck Quote: Originally Posted by Tex Long Do hot air balloons fall out of the sky easier than choppers? Meh. I think a mess of children’s balloons lifting a lawn chair that he can shoot out with BB guns is more Jimmys style. But who’s to say? · 01-16-2018, 08:58 PM reagan1k A major crash is inevitable, but I think this deal ends with some innocent bystander capturing a video of Jimmy stumbling out of the wreckage remarkably unscathed, mumbling to himself and ignorant of the carnage he's left behind. Probably cracks open a beer he has left in his pocket and asks "Can ya'll believe that bumblefuck got all cattywampus on me that fast?" · 01-16-2018, 09:08 PM El Diablo Wish I had the photoshop skills 'cause I can totally picture Jimmy in his gyrocopter flying in front of a full moon ala "E.T.". And John Goodman hovering up in the corner in some Obi Wan ghost state telling Jimmy "You can fly, Dirt Bike! You can FLY!" · 01-19-2018, 02:31 PM CooterBrown Tina said the helicopter is a bad idea so me and my dad are selling it. Most bad ideas start as really good ideas. Scott, I was talking about you yesterday...or the day before....or the day after. He picked up a green bean and it was supposed to be al dente and it wasn't. It was al floppy. I like to watch "Who's Beating Bobby Flay". It's the worst when you open up your flour bag and it's got weasels. Yeah, it's right there next to that red "oh my gosh, my heart stopped, give me a shock" machine on the wall. My hand started getting...you know...degree burns on it. Dave: Hey Jimmy. I didn't know you wore glasses. Jimmy: Only if I want to see better. "It was a comm-nist country, started with a B.....Bratwurst?" "They were on skid roll." "is it Buffalo Wild Wings or Buffalo Wild Bills?" · 01-19-2018, 02:33 PM jt · 01-19-2018, 02:45 PM Robin Masters Happy sad. Happy Jimmy didn't die from helicopter shenanigans, but sad he didn't manage to crash the helicopter into 100 foot tall high voltage lines and and still walk away unscathed. Well minus some degree burns maybe. · 01-19-2018, 02:45 PM workswithseed That needs to be gif. Opening a bag of flour and there's just weasels · 01-19-2018, 02:46 PM Celery Man i'm stealing that line about bad ideas · 01-19-2018, 02:47 PM Tex Long Quote: Originally Posted by workswithseed That needs to be gif. Opening a bag of flour and there's just weasels Weasels ripped his Fletch? · 01-19-2018, 03:17 PM cactusflinthead al floppy. · 01-19-2018, 03:24 PM El Diablo I think it was Stephanie March that was beating Bobby Flay. · 01-19-2018, 06:43 PM Rimbo The loss of humor from Jimmy killing himself (Tina saved his life and you know it) is more than made up for by the quality in this installment. · 02-06-2018, 05:55 PM Mack Tripper Selling the helicopter is probably for the best for Dirtbike. He would have flown too close to the sun, thereby melting the helicopter and falling into the sea. And since he's Cherokee, who we now know are not seafaring people, he would have drowned. · 03-09-2018, 03:27 PM CooterBrown Jimmy: Tina has a few black eyes right now from kickboxing. Scott: How can she have more than two? He just put words in my mouth. He's a word putter mouther. "Usually I do this at the end of the week, which is Friday" "I got some serious sinuses" "Do you think a dog from England can understand a dog from Spain when he barks?" Long bajillion years ago. Sung to the tune of the Beatles classic, Come Together - "Get together........right now.........cause of me" "what were those bolts you put on your wheels called? Pogo Sticks?" (bicycle pegs) "Worstysour sauce" "It was pork butt or pork roast or whatever the beef part is, beef rump beef roast" Rose Royce That's being worked on as I don't speak. There was these two Chinese women in Japan who got their legs extended I think it's before Jonathan (Johnson) City. I thought of that saying yesterday when the sun was setting.....Sky's red......................something. · 03-09-2018, 03:31 PM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown Jimmy: Tina has a few black eyes right now from kickboxing. Scott: How can she have more than two? He just put words in my mouth. He's a word putter mouther. "Usually I do this at the end of the week, which is Friday" "I got some serious sinuses" "Do you think a dog from England can understand a dog from Spain when he barks?" Long bajillion years ago. Sung to the tune of the Beatles classic, Come Together - "Get together........right now.........cause of me" "what were those bolts you put on your wheels called? Pogo Sticks?" (bicycle pegs) "Worstysour sauce" "It was pork butt or pork roast or whatever the beef part is, beef rump beef roast" Rose Royce That's being worked on as I don't speak. There was these two Chinese women in Japan who got their legs extended I think it's before Jonathan (Johnson) City. I thought of that saying yesterday when the sun was setting.....Sky's red......................something. On that note, its time for my first Friday afternoon bourbon. Wow those are some gems....... Spanish and English dog languages... who knew ? · 03-09-2018, 03:56 PM Kyrie Eleison Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown There was these two Chinese women in Japan who got their legs extended Bottom of Form · 03-11-2018, 09:39 PM Gardner Barnes Quote: Originally Posted by Kyrie Eleison Exactly my thought. · 03-11-2018, 09:51 PM trey3216 Quote: Originally Posted by Kyrie Eleison http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/stir.gif Must spread rep, dude. · 03-12-2018, 06:02 AM Bullneck I avoided this thread because I thought it was about pop-up ads or browser hijacking. I almost peed my pants last night. · 03-12-2018, 08:07 AM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by Bullneck I avoided this thread because I thought it was about pop-up ads or browser hijacking. I almost peed my pants last night. You've been missing out on a lot of life because of this thread. Dirtbike is the Mark Twain of village idiots. · 03-12-2018, 09:19 AM trey3216 Quote: Originally Posted by OnBoard You've been missing out on a lot of life because of this thread. Dirtbike is the Mark Twain of village idiots. I think he's the Aristotle of the Redneck Kingdom · 03-12-2018, 10:27 AM Tex Long Yeah, use whatever silly jizzum you like, but to me he's simple The Troof. · 03-12-2018, 10:44 AM Bath Salt Dealer Quote: Originally Posted by OnBoard On that note, its time for my first Friday afternoon bourbon. Wow those are some gems....... Spanish and English dog languages... who knew ? I have asked that same question before. Happy to know I have something in common with the almighty Dirt Bike. · 03-12-2018, 10:51 AM SBBruin I don't know why Rose Royce got me so good, but it did. · 03-12-2018, 11:59 AM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by Bath Salt Dealer I have asked that same question before. Happy to know I have something in common with the almighty Dirt Bike. You can feel better about yourself just knowing that fact. · 03-12-2018, 02:01 PM workswithseed I've heard cows have different moos in different countries · 03-12-2018, 02:19 PM trey3216 Quote: Originally Posted by workswithseed I've heard cows have different moos in different countries I've heard that leche is much different than milk as well. · 03-12-2018, 02:22 PM You don't know me Seeing this thread bumped always makes my giddy with excitement. · 03-16-2018, 11:15 PM cactusflinthead I would gladly give dollars to have the book of Jimmy. it's a natural born bestseller. if he spilled some beer on it and signed the stain that would make it more valuable al floppy laughed again · 03-24-2018, 12:26 PM CooterBrown Bye jimmy thread. · 03-24-2018, 12:27 PM Celery Man oh goddammit. shit, you can only export a page at a time. what's the latest on the natural light table book · 03-24-2018, 12:29 PM Gardner Barnes THIS thread needs to be saved. Cooter, do you still have access to the Jimmyisms text file? · 03-24-2018, 12:29 PM Rimbo THIS RIGHT HERE. omg seriously · 03-24-2018, 12:40 PM CooterBrown I will save it out from here tonight when I get home. I have the original text file but I changed names to protect the innocent and don’t want to do that again. · 03-24-2018, 12:41 PM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown I will save it out from here tonight when I get home. I have the original text file but I changed names to protect the innocent and don’t want to do that again. If I lose access to Jimmy I don't want a live....... seriously.... · 03-24-2018, 01:20 PM Prepuce of Doom What's all this doom and gloom about? What am I missing? · 03-24-2018, 01:22 PM tejas60 check pinned post on the football board · 03-24-2018, 01:30 PM elfenix Quote: Originally Posted by Gardner Barnes THIS thread needs to be saved. done! longcat: Spoiler! all 19 pages grabbed · 03-24-2018, 01:40 PM tejas60 You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to elfenix again. · 03-24-2018, 01:49 PM Gardner Barnes Quote: Originally Posted by tejas60 You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to elfenix again. same thanks for doing that. · 03-24-2018, 01:56 PM elfenix from a cursory once over it looks like only page 2 gives the screencap program any issues (the closely repeating pictures fuck with the de-duplication). i think i got all the jimmy content on it, though.

The boys have come home from West Palm. Let's get this going, fellas. This is gonna be a fun ride.

I'm here (this notification business is weird lol), it's just that the board drama is coinciding with a busy few days in my life. Should have time to update the spreadsheet tomorrow hopefully. It's public though so if someone else wants to add stuff, have at it. Thanks for bringing it over here.

Welcome Mr. blacklab. So tell us, how many of your users have followed you over to surlyhorns?

Team shep reporting. Thanks to all who helped raise money for jaydon also.

I thought it prudent to keep tracking this prediction from Perroni. I have updated it. This should be fun

Suchomel has some good clips of Texas targets from the Rivals camp on his twitter.

A couple of closet queens... 84 Strat by , LP by , ..and a player. Player by ,

Well that is not the route I’m going to chose. I guess work will have to adjust to the new board like everyone else

Any port in a storm and all that, but something has to be done about the little hearts and cute faces. It's sickening and if left in place will eventually corrupt our morals.

Interesting. Don't get yourself sued again.

about 350

Fuck Bud Selig

Como? You say we need something for when Astros win? Correa hits three bombs? Altuve hits for the cycle? Verlander and Keuchel each throw 3 perfect games this year?

Check under the overpass near at the nearest Chick-Fil-A. Seems to be an aggy hotspot.

· 01-25-2016, 09:19 PM CooterBrown Ad Hawk. It's Latin for Incredible Hulk This thread is for the philosophical muses and life lessons of Jimmy, my potentially retarded, functional alcoholic employee. A bit of background, he's a 43 year old, ex-PC tech. When I was hired to build my department, my VP highly encouraged me to hire Jimmy to a full-time role. He'd been an IT contractor at my company for a few years. Being new, I reluctantly agreed. That VP was later fired and escorted from the building. Jimmy remains. Jimmy drinks at least a 12-pack of Frio Beer a day. If he's not at work, he's drunk. Usually, he's drunk and fishing or hunting. He likes shooting crossbows and recreational welding. He listens Celine Dion and the Insane Clown Posse. He loves Fox News and Info Wars but doesn't really understand any current issues. · 01-25-2016, 09:20 PM CooterBrown Stick that in your ear and use a Q-tip! Youth and vinegar John Dravolta Open up a postal on someone. Gingervitis cotostaphic Fleetwood Fox Steven Tyler = Michael Mike Young and sprite. God put animals here to pleasure us. Barack Obama = Brock Bahma Spit it, don't spray it Judge his actions by his face! It has everything under the kitchen sink! It ain't got no major sigmatures. What is ambionic fluid? I don't like that pumkinickel bread! You're pressing buttons that your body can't cash. Four score and seven years ago our fore fathers set aside a buncha land. State of the ark television. Dear mariachi band - play me a song that I don't understand. "Step into a Slim-Jim!" (Because then you can eat it from the inside out.) Why is there no plural for "geeses"? Play me a song, Tamborine Man... or is it carpet man? laverish alpha-muneric uchimon then the line does a dog hair left. (dog hair = dog leg) I have a photogenic memory. Ryan Seacrest is making fist over money! lomf= piss on myself laughing starting with this past physical year... Tina: Jimmy, you can't! Jimmy: Oh no I can! Trial by error escape goat (when someone is in trouble, they ride an escape goat away to freedom) Maybe I'm just looking at the other side of the apple. (look at the other side of the coin?) Good job cutting the body of the snake off. Now we just have to find out where the head's at. I emailed Glue......uuuh........Elmer. I keep wanting to call him Elmo. Greg: "Jimmy, what was your mom's name before she was your mother?" Jimmy: "sister" Time flies by like it’s standing still I had to put my gloves on (makes “earmuffs” gesture) I needed help getting in to the whatchamacallit (the building) "Mediums (medians) in the road" My dad went over right during the hype of Vietnam. I was just playing it forward. The Physical (Fiscal) Cliff Did you use your scroll mouse? I used some of my learned new technological "Linguo" Heeeeeey Guy, how are you doing? Getting pulled over for a D-Y-E (DUI) the Jimmy pre-proposal: "tell you what. You get yourself a job, I'll marry you up." "Dreaded memories" "That was high times back then" (high tech) "I bettered it up" "Nip it in the butt" "I'd like to buy that whole 'Friends' trilogy on DVD." "Whole kitten caboodle" "In the Phillipines, they speak Spanish" "I was like, are they in Mexico with this big ole alligator?" Becca- "How many work orders are in that box?" Jimmy- "20 at least. If not less." "He was being honoraryed" (honored) "My face is gonna verify your fist!" "It's already been vacationed" (verified) "And that Michael Moore (Oher) plays for the Ravens. He was in that movie Blind Sight" I been taking Nite quil before I go to bed. Hold on, he'll be back in three shakes of a raccoon's tail. "You don't want your kid to become a slush" "They found an English king (Richard III) buried under some parking lot. I didn't even know they had parking lots back then." "He drives a Nissan Maximum" "That standoff ended between that guy and that child." "don't think I won't open up a can of postal on someone" "Those wings right there will make a vegetarian turn to meat." "I like those big ole horses. I want to hug one." "You're going to a lunch-in (luncheon)? Why don't they call it a lunch-out?" Jimmy - "Now with having this fantasy chair, I am going to have to hold my pinky out when I mouse. I am FANTASY NOW!!;)" Scott - "You mean fancy?" "Stavester Stallone" That's where they filmed True Grits. He was more of a face figure. (figure head) I thought the song was "Take me Back to The Ballgame" "Guatamauler" Ya know... things you never see: "Last Baptist Church" Greg - "Jimmy, are you busy?" Jimmy- "I'm never busy enough for you, Greg." "I got all kinds of crazy wisdom" That really tweaks my melon. (alternately, that really chaps my melon) "I'm gonna go off the limb here" "They didn't understand the percussions of what they were doing" (repercussions) "Shashimi... SamEYE... ...Sammy?" "Mooya, Mooeymay" "Shindler" "Shamimi" "Shershrimi" "Mushiwa" Listen, superchief. "The de-millerized zone" "Even his mustache looks like a frown" "I hope I don't get struck by my own lightning for sayin' this..." Jimmy - I like the 90's Becca - I've never heard of them. Jimmy - They were an error....urrrr....ear-or (era) Indie...I thought that was going to be Indian music. Scratching has now involved into dubstep. The park is hoppin and skipping and jump away from me I've seen the ants. They have a good time. I'm just a gentle giant nazi chupaloopa You know what... one of these days, this right here [motions to self] is gonna be right. Scott: my friend's baby's middle name is Cole. Can anyone guess who he's named after? Jimmy: CharCoal? There's only one China right? If they went against us, that would put some serious giddyup in our hitch. Doesn't a leprechaun say "Matey"? Greggy Greggy Greggy can't you see? Something rather about me. Becca! You're going to New York! I'm going to need you to bring something back for me. The Eiffel Tower. I can't wait for Jengo (Django) to come out. That's gonna be a good one. I saw her in my perferal vision. Presidents of the United States "Peaches" cover - Gonna buy a lot of peaches, run them to the factory. It's gonna be so good, when I eat those peaches. I like the peaches from a can. Those are the good ones. Jimmy - "Did you see that little toast in the kitchen? It looks like hobbit toast." Scott - "You mean the Melba toast?" "Is Raffi for stoners?" Is that old Quiet Riot song called "Bang Your Head" or "Raise Your Hands"? That dog is called a Bull Massive. Who needs a stupid banner? Except Bruce Banner. I'll eat cold slaw, but I hate Mayonnaise with a passion. Meg Ryan is sort of a twinkerbell. Nissan Almorado (Armada) *Imaginary phone rings* - Chello? Cholo? No, YOLO. Aren't you glad that humans don't sniff each other's butts like dogs? Don't politicize (patronize) me. She's too pretty for a goobertron like him. gonna be a baller, shock collar.....chaka khan? Who Sings that Jimmy? "Kid Rap". You lost me at hello. "We need the as built so that we can tell where the pipe actually goes. It's like if I had a mosquito bite on my leg. You couldn't find it unless I showed it to you." Egypt sure did have a lot of Bibulotical plagues. (Later changed to "bibolobical") Aren't you tired of out to eat food? refried beans: I don't understand that... can't they just fry them once? Was that their only hit wonder? He was playing some serious air guitar and steering wheel guitar. "I don't want to have to look through a bunch of babies to find the PDF I need" (Meaning a parent/child data hierarchy) "Let me show you the ampletheater over here." "You need to think way in the head" (ahead) You're just trying to keep up with the Simpsons (Jones'). Actual Rose (Axl Rose) I would need to put a drastic measure in for situations. Scott: Do you want to know where the word "assasin" comes from? Jimmy: "Assasination." Yokie from Okie (Okie from Muskogee) Hey now, I'm an all star...something. I can't do that, not with Greg breathing down my throat. There's one for the Kipper. One for the Kipper, two for the show. That's automatically popalated. Matthew Mcconaughey has gotten leathier. When they wire your jaw shut, are you going to be able to laugh? (laughs with teeth clenched) our forefathers used to live in the ocean until some of them decided to come out an live on the land It would be so cool if monkeys could talk "What happened to that cleaner guy? Jack Brown Cleaner? .......Mr Clean!" Jimmy: Who is Bono? Scott: The singer from U2. Jimmy: The singer from Youtube? I'm not just an IT expert, I'm also a customer. (referring to Hair Club for Men commercial) Kind of like N-Double C-P...........N-C Double A.........NCA........N-A-A-C-P. I just don't like them. What do they eat in London?......You know what they call a quarter pounder? A Royale with Cheese.......metric system. Becca, When you're in London, make sure you close your windows at night cause Peter Pan is flying around. Do they speak English in England? American English? What about in Britain? I'm looking for fish and wildlife refugee data. "Erroneous.....is that like a wrong? I can't say that while I'm drunk because it'll just come out like rice-a-ronious or something like that." That's when your MANtality really changes. I went dumpster diving again. There were no bricks, but there were fenceplanks and that's what you make those orodomic (adirondack) chairs from. I'm as hungry as a catfish on a full moon. Now that's hungry, buddy. I just figured out why Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their baby North and West. Or was it North and South? It's cause his last name is West. It was one of those little dogs..........uh.......jo keeta Taco Bell. Scott - "Isle is short for (gets interrupted)" Jimmy - Israel. Clayton = "Ole C man" You know what really chaps my melon? I'll be there in two shakes of a lambs tail. I need a three letter word with the letters M, G, U, and D. He was there with some of his gay members? (friends) Oh man, I'd like to hug me one.(a bear) Oh, speaking of that (the fact that there are 24 hours a day), I've got a Dr. Appointment today. Now I'm gonna throw up. Chaquita Taco Bell. I got little nougats (nuggets) of info on everything. I've got a hint of aboriginy. Poison cakes. (case and point) Jimmy - "I'm having one of those....mind....thingies" Bryan - "A thought?" Figgo.....faygo....fromo....frio! His also name is.....Willard. Southwest got a new football team cause I moved there. They wanted me to throw out the first football at their game. In general, it's better to be a pleasant looking girl than an ugly one. Peanut M&M's. Mouth to mouth. 1980. I retort my last statement... retwert? redact? ...redactyl! I'm as hungry as a frog that just came out of hibernation. The chairs were all delopsized Cadillac converter Jimmy: (holding a socket) this thing's in inches Scott: what kind is it? Jimmy: metric Crouching lion, hiding tiger. Crouching lion, sleeping tiger. Sleeping lion, tiger hiding. Anyway, I wasn't being patronistic. I was just using an accent. The only reason I want the Baltimore Ravens to win is bcuz they have Michael Moore on their team. Aww sweet, that was like butter to my ears. Jimmy: Becca, are you going to see the tar pits in L.A.? Scott: She's not going to L.A. Jimmy: Whatever, Los Angeles. "Heary Heary!" (hear ye, hear ye!) I'm sad that I'm not happy Is it a electric guitar or a synthetic? If I was Donna, not Donna Donna, but Donna...... I was dropping in the toilet bowl like nobody's business. People were having to wear earmugs it was so loud. (playing basketball) It was 12.5 laps, which is 12 and a half laps. "Is it because he died before resumes were invented?" (Trying to figure out a Jimi Hendrix "Are you Experienced" joke) Wanna hear something funny that happened to me this morning when I thought I was awake but I wasn't? I was asleep. Space age, that's technology. I was just driving and got caught in a funeral session. Not everything that comes out of my head is genius He thought I went over the other way, but he was un-fer-sure about that. Fred Derks............Derks and Dunn, There's some guy out there named Derks. J: Paul, how's the add hawk stuff coming? Scott: It's ad hoc. J: It's add hawk. Scott: No, it's ad hoc. It's Latin. J: It's Latin for Incredible Hulk. One time me and Dylan were coming down the stairs, coming from upstairs and going down...you know, going downstairs. There was a rumor that if you died in a dream, you died in real life, cause your heart would stop. So I had to wake up to see if I was still alive. When I become the vegetarian I probably aren't going to bbq as much Paulo A Creed? (Apollo Creed) She's got a can too attitude. If there's one thing I could change about her, it would be nothing. My eyes need a little closin'. Sam is learning stuff in health, and....you know......scrotum. Jimmy - I've learned my lesson. Scott - And that was? Jimmy - I don't remember. It was old time ago. I thought about a bicycle a couple days ago. Then the thought went away. J - I coulda swore that Mighty Python (Monty Python) was a wrestler. Greg - No, it was a British comedy troupe. J - Are they English, or British? It's not like 30 miles away. More like 20 miles, maybe 30. Three throws....free throws......those are spooky cause everybody's watching you. Bryan - I didn't know what to expect when I went to see the first Hunger Games movie because I didn't read the books. J - You just thought everybody was gonna be hungry? I heard one of the Kardashians real dad might be Oak J. It was the 50th anniversary of last week. Can vampires see in the dark? Kim Jong Un = "Choo Come Long Long. Nope. Nope." J "How cold do you think it is outside?" S "A little under 50" J "Really? I thought it would be in the 40's" Becca "What's a tic?" Jimmy "Tock" S: What's in that vapor? J: PG S: What's PG? J: Plutonium grain "Vampirates" This Mason Mandella guy... his funeral would be the best time to do a terrorist act. (When telling a story about working in IT) - "We were excited cause, you know.....computers" (When telling Mina he could help set up her email alerts) - "Just go ahead and dig in to this nasty mind right here" I've only done this once before...this is the first time I've ever done this" And I'm not even trying. Which is unattentional. That way I can crank up my Selena Dion and ya'll can't hear it. The poles are supposed to shift next month or something. S- What's the time difference between here and Hawaii? J- It's Ocean Time there. S- "That's like me asking you what the best rocket fuel is" J- "Ethan....L.....Feet.......100% E.Coli" I want to get (invent) me an umbrella. It'd look goofy til people saw it. Jimmy: I wonder if they've invented that yet. Bryan: what? the umbrella? Jimmy: yeah J- I'm not from the 70's, man. S- What year were you born? J- 1972. S- That's right in the middle of the 70's! J- But I didn't listen to any music then. S- That is a really popular song J- Not if I haven't heard it I heard this was Glee's final caesar or something. They've jumped the shark super bad. There's two of these, and they have the same name. One is called clean and the other is called dirty. (bar mat shots) J - Hey, Scott Dog. S - Yeah? J - I don't know. J - Scottrnator, did you ever find your ring? S - Nope. J - Where did you leave it? J - I wrote that because I have that song stuck in my head. Susan - What song? J - I don't know J - Hey Bryan, do you know where Mark is? B - I think he's in Dallas. J - Neither do I. That Message was brought to you by Jimmy in his seat. I was sitting down. I might not drink myself into a stupor, but maybe into the pooper. Because I might throw up. Sometimes I laugh myself hard. If that Mars Rover found some aliens, they could put some guys in that permafrost sleep and send 'em up there. H.R. Puffingstuff Elaine Bengenerous (Ellen Degeneres) I brought it to his attention which therefore made him think about it. That sounds like the song from Brother Where Ow Thou.............Brother, Where's my car. I just find chopsticks to be very....majesticle. But then I did my detective brain and it turns out that's not true. I didn't say she was allergic...I said she has allergies to it. Jimmy - "If I was a cop, I'd be a rogue cop" Scott - "You're a rogue human!" Jimmy - "I drive a Nissan Rogue" Tomorrow, it's going to be colder in Austin than it is in Georgetown for the first time since we moved there. It's cause the Norther is coming in from the South. It's a free flowing river out my mouth. J- George H.W. Bush. The H stands for Hogwarts? What's the W? S- it's Walker J- W is for Walker? Like Texas Walker......Walker Texas. El Pollo Rico = "El Polian Dynamite" "Come on, come on, come on, come be a chameleon" - to the tune of Karma Chameleon Why do they call it sourdough? Is it cause it has sour cream in it? What do you wanna do? We could play pinochle, but I don't know how to play that. I'm not here for your funny time amusing Something or rather You're gonna put some spice in some lives Don't be a negative.....Karen (Negative Nancy) (Security question) - What was your first pet's name? J- Dog. -What was your first girlfriends name? J- I'm gonna put Tina with a lower case t. (after singing Hakuna Matata wrong) Theology.......Biology.......same thing You know, sometimes I wonder if dogs from different countries can understand each other. A burn is pain leaving the body. Sherri: What's going on, Jimmy? J: Aww not much, I've got a headache the size of a walnut. He's probably got a great look on outlife. Scott- "Does anyone want the rest of this Coke? I just poured half of it in my cup." Jimmy - "No thanks, I'm all Coked out." You know I will do it big-big Question everything. Prove nothing. I'm mostly human, the rest of me is water S: Name a country in the United Kingdom J: Europe. ET Phone home. There's cake on my finger. I bought a plaintain once. I thought it was a banana type banana. I realized that Han Solo is actually Woody Harolson Ford. Off like a tree I go I don't get to talk in complete sentences much. J - What kind of music do they have there? S - All kinds J - Like rock music? S - Yeah, all kinds of music J - Like Risky Business music? It was a new born, meaning it was newly born I need to get this fixed because I'm so far under water on it, I stopped breathing. I had a leg full of pissed off squirrel DOOK-A-DOOK-A-DOOK-A (thinking sounds) He was recording with one of those goat pro cameras. Lately, I've been sort of URRRRRRGH. Man, what if you were at the beach and somebody throws you a sweet ass 40? (talking about a flip flop bottle opener) ballbaric (barbaric) His name was Fred, but we called him Bob for short. Hey Bryan, hither here for a second. I made your banana stand up. Hey, I'm always apologenic. Sam has been working out, so he's getting taller Give me a wordage Scott: What does the "SS" stand for in Hitler's regime? Jimmy: "Minnow!" She must have been on stooms Becca: "What's North of Crestview?" Jimmy: "The Pole!" Would you consider a bird to be an animal? Bob Seger Mellencamp John "Seagull" Mellencamp John "Squirrel" Mellencamp John "Alligator" Mellencamp John "Papoose" Mellencamp Poker dots You need to talk to my other brother in law who's a realister. What if someone is just an innocent bystandard? I don't mean to rain on your bubble. Don't make any loud moves. You go to school to crop pictures? I might wanna do that. Good thing the clocks on our computers are still working, or else we'd be stuck in time. Hey, you know my brother Vicky, right? Becca: I have icing in my hair. Jimmy: They should make flavored conditioner. I need to eat at that Human (Hunan) Lion place one day. You're pescatarian? Is that a religion? I saw that new Hobbit movie, the one that just got out. They had Michael Jackson in hollergrafic. What's purple? It has pananorama, too (talking about his camera) There's so many things I do here on the spear of the moment! Why isn't Pluto not a planet not no more? They used to have Quaker State oatmeal stocked in the cabinets. I got all doodied up I put both feet forward Her name is Amber, an easy way to remember it is Amber Alert She plays with volleyball J- "I missed you guys at my house yesterday" s- "You didn't invite us" J- "Yeah but I missed you anyways" Would you consider a bird to be an animal? Condiment is a fancy word I got a pouch for waterproofness S- "You don't know your wifes phone number?" J- "I know her phone number....it's Tina" S- "My Gramndma's name is Frances but it's not spelled the normal way" J- "It's not spelled with an F?" Jon- "Paul carried them through the training" J- "He's a carrier." Finding Emo S- Jimmy, how was the water in Jamaica? J- It was cool-ish warm. Incredible Huck "I'm gonna take that peach seed and plant me an apple tree.....wait....that's not right." J - Maine is on the east coast right? S - Yes. Seriously? J - You never know. It could have been the west coast. S - No, it couldn't. I waste not what I want. (waste not want not) That's a nice fancy box you got there. You can bury that and it would disintegrate something fierce. P- Did the trucks hit each other head to head? J- No. Ass to Ass. Ya know, I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I have some spurs... on my ...tool. I forgot my headphones at home and thus I can't get these damn voices out of my head. Coat McCoy Rejunification Why didn't you just try to spedunkle onto the roof? I was brainwavin'. I meant brainstormin', but there's no brainwave activity. Becca brainwaved me. It's almost 3 oclock.......well....40 minutes to 3..... I wanted to copy them on the email but I didn't want to burden them with stupidness What if we kept track of it like on a shart. "Am I on surround sound?" (meaning speaker phone) I was being my funniness If you're gonna do something, you know, you gotta turn that thing upside down This is where all of the screwups have come from throughout gas times. UT got the football handed to them something fierce How did NFL do this weekend? J - I was waiting to hear the Monday Night Football song G - They don't play that anymore J - Yeah but it still goes through my head Cincinalli Browns I do not like the KFC's (Kansas City Chiefs) Snake Moon Rising (Blake Snake Moan) There's also a Portland in Canada, in Toronto. There's also a Portland in Oklahoma City. KRPCTV in Cincinatti Proncastinating Oh yeah buddy, ride it like you own it Why do I gotta be so good at Concession Stand? Becca - Jimmy, do you like your Android phone? Jimmy - I dunno, it's got some corky things about it If you got e-boli you'd have to be cornantined J - "I think the crack in my phone is getting bigger" S - "Your phone is cracked?" J - "No,I don't think so" Steve, do they know you at the restaurants you normal frequent at? J - Speaking of 'In the Still of the Night' I have some chocolate covered peanuts. B - What does that have to do with that song? J - I ate some of them last night. I said that because of Jerry Springer. You know......"You had me at hello." Susan - I can't believe you squished that. It was a living thing. Jimmy - Not no more. "Guardians of that Galaxy" "That Girl....Missing Girl....Girl Gone....Away......Gone Girl!!" Jimmy - "Oh it's got Ben Afflict in it" Scott - "It's Ben Affleck" Jimmy - "Ben Afflac" "What song did they sing that was a hit wonder?" Jimmy: "I'll sit there and sip my coffee for somewhere between 8 to 10 minutes." Bryan: "...you mean 9?" Ya know, maybe i outta go get my brain checked. "There was a jumper or a murder on I-35. I was laughing" J - "I need to vote so I can get me one of them stickers that says I voted" S - "Or you could just say you voted and forgot the sticker" J - "What does the sticker say? I voted?" J - "Tina's been getting ready to get me some jeans for a while" S - "Why does it take so long to get jeans?" J - "Well...she went to go look at jeans for me and...." S - "I regret asking" J - "His birthday is July 24th, that's close to my birthday" S - "When is your birthday?" J - "January 10th" "John Adams? I know who he is.....Sam Adams" "U-lease-is S. Grant" Farmers Armanack J - "Columbia....that's in Cuba" S - "No, it's not" J - "Well,They start with the same word" "I just had a brain fart and man it's hurting" "Columbia....that's in Mexico" J - "Paul, what time do you get to Boston?" P - "7:30" J - "Oh, you must have the layovers" "Little CiCi's pizza" J - "That's my team, TT" S - "Who's TT?" J - "Texas State" S - "Jimmy, do you know what Texas Tech's famous saying is?" J - "Yeah.....computers" (because they are a tech company) S - "Do you know who sings that song Private Eye?" J - "JEWEL!" (said with absolute conviction) S - "No" J - "Magnum P.I." S - "It's two people" J - "Rod Stewart" "Wayne Chung" Tres Leches = "Key Chay", "Saloochi" "Whatever, it's a chay type thing" "Tina wants to go see Chinny Kesney" J - "I voted for proposition 1" S - "what's propostion 1?" J - "I don't know, but proposition reminds me of propellers and I like propellers so I voted for it" Nobody has written a good review. Like, people that I am trustworthy of. I wish I could have a favorite thing. Humpford Godfreid "That's my conumbdumb" "Here's another consundrumb" "If you got a heart transplant, would you still love the person you were married to?" "Bodie was barking and I didn't want the neighbors to call the dog police" Have a good weekend. (It was Monday) "Everyone has got their U-kill-ee Heels" I was just eatin that nasty ole banana. It was ok. Circle Crusted Crow (Type of Bird) Tina got me somma them headless (wireless) headphones. "Walking Phoenix" (Joaquin) Tina - "Jimmy, what's your two cents?" Jimmy - "I don't have any cents" "We bought our TV before time, and it's been a rocking, smoking TV so far" Appostrapedic beds "I read that book The Man With the Cheese and the Mouse, it's about 2 men and a small mouse and they move the cheese" "He gave me some learnin' book about how to surround yourself with people to become people or something" "Sue-zoo Cross Trek" "Mitsuszabishi Cross Trek" "High hill shoes" I'd give it five thumbs up "Now I'm down to the meat and potatoes, earlier I was just slurpin' the sauce" You had to mustard the courage "Austin doesn't have vultures. Someone did tell me there are monkeys at Town Lake though" Don't judge a book by its color "I'm fine, I'm pinchy king" (peachy keen) Did you guys hear about that Pocks Tony Phil (punxsutawney phil) biting that guy in the face? Is that a clunk and dagger? "Deli-est catch" "Johhny Depth" "Didn't something just happen wherever?" "Something happened yesterday where you're from Paul....Arakansas. My cousin's daughter is getting married there" "Office and a gentleman" "Pockalyspe Now" Apple is up there by the Domain. It's way big expanding. "So I can go do this; I, not meaning me and not meaning you or us, but someone" Jimmy - Vegetarian pizza is just artichokes and onions and mushrooms and no meat? Scott - I have no idea what you're talking about. Jimmy - Me either. Instead of using bad words this weekend when I hurt my back, I just said "Fudge nuggets" Male Gibson "Hey Scott, look where my finger is" They had that one guy, that tornado sucked up his whopper "Did I ask that question or did I state that question?" "I got me bit by a snake" They're still doing that Moto GPA (GP) race this weekend even in the rain. I was the best thing since before sliced bread. My experience at Freebirds was Lacklustered. With whatever I had going on yesterday (he was sick) my body was sticky and I got a pimple. Anterfreeze. Inturpit. "What's that thing called......a couch" "South Austin music city limits thing" "It's 5 hours of great music, I guess" (describing the Iheartmusic festival) "I was jonesing for my piece of Starbucks" "I haven't checked in on it, but what happened to the ice age?" Jimmy - We had lobster and shrimp last night. It was surf-n-turf Bryan - Where was the turf part? Jimmy - I had some salad "That new Wesley Snipely movie is pretty good. He's a janitor or a book store person" "I say it like that because sometimes I see a word, and it's got all these damn letters in it!" Jimmy - "Cor-reck-ly modeled. Did I say that right?" Paul - "It has a 'T' in it" Jimmy - "Mot-eld?" [knocks on head] "This is like a steel trap. Things get out but nothing gets in." "Hey Scott, you been watching that girl golf-soccer?" Was Robert E Lee a Buffalo Soldier? "That's a sticky situation. I mean......not sticky in your eyes." "4 weeks to a month" "Maximo's gonna be everybody's button on their bread" "The Work Order used to be the Bible." "Can you do me a favor and pop a spot right there?" "I got out of the water and I felt like I had a load in my pants. I was drinking a lot." Colin and I had an imprompt meeting yesterday. "It was a zoo zitshu and krottie guy vs a muscle guy, the muscle guy was all lubed up" "I didn't know that Washington DC wasn't a state" "I heard he had a illigiminant child" I'm running into some issues right now and one of them has put me in a stumper. It's ostetically pleasing. She was the CEO of Heelo Packer. I like ole politics. Kirp Cobain JP - "Have you ever eaten at that Green Mesquite?" Bryan - "no" JP - "I've thought about it" I have a big giant open mind. "I was in a play in high school... the Mice is Men" (talking about getting in a car wreck, then totally changes subject) "Bryan......I made pancakes this weekend." "they were good, I didn't eat any of them" "I was PDFin' so I decided to wheel over here and take a gander to you" "Bigs.....what's manifesto?" "They say the Apple watch is just a trend or whatever that is called" J - "This coffee tastes like filtered dirt." Coworkers - " How would you know what filtered dirt tastes like?" J - "Because I've drank filtered dirt!" "Yesterday they played the Rolls Bow" (Rose Bowl) "It took about a berjillion years" "The Patriots won? Ya know, $4 is not a lot of money" "There is lettuce and lettuce.....sauce in the kitchen" "There is....it has a Z in it.....Lasagna" "What's the difference between blueberries and protein?" Don't make me laugh, you're gonna screw up my brain. When I listen to that....IPC....IP Seed......Independent Clown Posse "Ya'll play that fan duel or that king of monsters football?" "I bought Tina some movies. I bought her Fast and Furious 7 and On-traahj (Entourage) Matt Damon = "Mark Wallburger" "She's a presbyterian, she only eats fish and wock-a-mole (guacamole) "It was a long time ago movie" "National Lampoons Regular Vacation" "I can't hear. It's so cool. It's not that cool." "I always call it (drinking) on the wagon. Cause one.....I ain't gonna be driving" "It's not hot chocolate....it's just hot chocolate powder and then they mix hot water in it" JP - We had a "potluck" (in air qoutes) PB - Why the quotes? JP - Cause there was no pot or luck "I'm ain't sayin' the world is flat, I'm just saying that if it was, all the damn water would run off!" Santa Clause wears fire retarded pants. Lisa - What kind of hardwood floors did you get? JP - Huh? Lisa - Like, what kind of wood? JP - Is there a kind of wood? You know what?!? I've got animal rights. I guess he aint got no more Scurvey Fever or whatever it's called. J: I love animals. P: Then how come everytime we mention an animal you ask "can ya shoot it?"? J: So they'll lay there all still like, so I can hug 'em. Allllll my exes live in Texas.......Except for the ones that moved awayyyyyy. "Cobblers are so small....oh wait, I'm thinking of Keeblers" (As he is walking out to leave for the day) - "Allllriiiight........totes!" "Some guy walks into a Pawn shop and sees some guns, and ya never know, those could be General Custard's guns!" "Bryan Goffling" (Ryan Gosling) "I cry at sad movies like RV or Force Gump" "It was a movie where the guy from Bradford Files has oldtimers disease" I got one of those cranberry trees in my yard. 1 + 1 = Sinuses "He loves golf and wears makeup, but he doesn't wear makeup when he's playing golf. His name is Alice in Chains" · 01-25-2016, 09:21 PM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown This thread is for the philosophical muses and life lessons of Jimmy, my potentially retarded, functional alcoholic employee. A bit of background, he's a 43 year old, ex-PC tech. When I was hired to build my department, my VP highly encouraged me to hire Jimmy to a full-time role. He'd been an IT contractor at my company for a few years. Being new, I reluctantly agreed. That VP was later fired and escorted from the building. Jimmy remains. Jimmy drinks at least a 12-pack of Frio Beer a day. If he's not at work, he's drunk. Usually, he's drunk and fishing or hunting. He likes shooting crossbows and recreational welding. He listens Celine Dion and the Insane Clown Posse. He loves Fox News and Info Wars but doesn't really understand any current issues. Just yer everyday God fearing 'Merican. · 01-25-2016, 09:21 PM CooterBrown A few months ago, he got stuck at the beach fishing one night because he didn't have a battery in his truck. When asked what happened, he said he wanted a spotlight while out in the surf, so he put his truck battery in an ice chest and rigged up a light to it. While fishing, a wave dumped it over and he lost his battery. · 01-25-2016, 09:22 PM Continental Op Bring Jimmy on here to talk about crossbows. Maybe they can become a Shaggy fad like tomahawks. · 01-25-2016, 09:22 PM CooterBrown A couple of years ago Jimmy came in to work complaining his eyes hurt. He decided to do some welding on a bbq pit he was building without wearing welding glasses. He figured squinting works when you stare into the sun so why not while welding. · 01-25-2016, 09:22 PM CooterBrown Jimmy's wife got on him for being drunk by lunch every day off so she forbid him to drink before noon. That lasted a few weeks until one Saturday she went to the gym at 10am. Jimmy drank a 12 pack of Frio in the two hours she was gone. She came home with a surprise...a 12 pack of beer as a reward for not getting drunk in the AM (she's not smart either). To hide the fact he was already drunk, he drank the new beer by 2pm. She found him unconscious in the garage. We asked him why he didn't just put the beer in fridge for later and he said he'd already established in his house that the fridge is for food and beer is for drinking. · 01-25-2016, 09:22 PM CooterBrown Sad Jimmy story from this morning. My office is outside of the cubicle farm where Jimmy sits. Co-workers are arguing with him about his 401k contribution. The conversation went like this: Co-Worker: Jimmy, why do you only contribute 1%? You're leaving free money on the table and that's not enough to retire on! Jimmy: It's enough. It's $5,000 a year. Co-W: You make $500,000? Jimmy: I...no... The light slowly went on when Jimmy realized he's been contributing $500 annually, at best, to his 401K for years. · 01-25-2016, 09:23 PM CooterBrown "Saw that Mad Max movie. I didn't think he was that mad. He's pretty cool and collected most of the time. Fergie was a bad ass though." · 01-25-2016, 09:24 PM CooterBrown Jimmy's son wants to be a record producer so he was trying to get in touch with Skrillex to see if he wanted to work with an up and comer. His son is really into dub step. To be honest, if anyone can make that happen, it's Jimmy. If you need a toe by Tuesday, Jimmy's your man. We needed an ethernet switch with more ports for our conference room one day, Jimmy disappeared for 10 minutes and came back with one...that he got from another company in the building. He just walked in their office, went to their IT guy and asked for one, got it, walked out. Jimmy gets shit done. · 01-25-2016, 09:31 PM boknowstecmo That up there is a great list if TexAgs ever wants to start doing banner mottos. · 01-25-2016, 09:33 PM CooterBrown A new one to start this thread off... A couple of years ago, a couple of us were walking to the parking garage and I mentioned I needed to get Jamie (our managing attorney) to approve a NDA. Jimmy non-chalantly: "She gave it up to me once." Me: "Gave up what?" J: "You know, her poon." Me: "WTF?" J: "She asked me to come over to her condo to help her with her PC and as a reward she let Jimmy's fingers do the walkin'." Me: "Bullshit." J: "Yep. Fingered her cooch and her butthole. Did her too." Me "Wow." J: "I was going at it and she farted. She got all embarrassed and I was like don't worry usually I make 'em shit." Never looked at Jamie the same way again. · 01-25-2016, 09:34 PM Francisco Scaramonga Subscribed. · 01-25-2016, 09:35 PM BALLGAME123 · 01-25-2016, 10:03 PM cactusflinthead So very much gold. · 01-25-2016, 10:13 PM OnBoard Holy mother Jimmy is gold. He's a damn American institution. He's a novel, hes a movie, My mind is like a steel trap, things get out, but nothing gets in.. · 01-25-2016, 10:16 PM Gunsup He needs to go fishing with the guys that do "Niggas on the River." · 01-25-2016, 10:19 PM Fuck Greg Davis This has coffee table book written all over it. Do it. · 01-25-2016, 10:23 PM FCHorn In for the long haul...let's get a reddit style Q and A... · 01-25-2016, 10:24 PM FCHorn Ducksmith-ian · 01-25-2016, 10:24 PM Beef Supreme Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown "don't worry usually I make 'em shit." I'm stealing this. · 01-25-2016, 10:29 PM Robin Masters You have left so much money on the table by shooting your wad on page 1. You should have went with the proven technique, make a Twitter called "shit my co-worker Jimmy says" Dole a couple of gems/day. 1-3 months later, Hollyweird is knocking at your door. Profit. · 01-25-2016, 10:36 PM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by Robin Masters You have left so much money on the table by shooting your wad on page 1. You should have went with the proven technique, make a Twitter called "shit my co-worker Jimmy says" Dole a couple of gems/day. 1-3 months later, Hollyweird is knocking at your door. Profit. Jimmysaysshit.com. (I own it.......now) · 01-25-2016, 10:38 PM ERhine Subscribed. · 01-25-2016, 10:54 PM NorthLoop Anytime Bob gets writer's block on a new motto, he should come here. So much gold. · 01-25-2016, 11:14 PM Kyrie Eleison Jimmy needs to be Les Miles' personal aide. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk · 01-25-2016, 11:18 PM unklphucker Now that is authentic frontier gibberish. Love the Jimmy. · 01-25-2016, 11:26 PM MilkmanDan The legend among the early employees at my company is that the original IT guy started the Ethernet runs above the ceiling tiles using a crossbow. Gonna have to find out if that was Jimmy. · 01-25-2016, 11:44 PM MissingInAction Quote: Originally Posted by MilkmanDan The legend among the early employees at my company is that the original IT guy started the Ethernet runs above the ceiling tiles using a crossbow. Gonna have to find out if that was Jimmy. Knew a guy that had a ferret trained to run cable. · 01-25-2016, 11:48 PM NorthLoop Quote: Originally Posted by MissingInAction Knew a guy that had a ferret trained to run cable. And that man was Einstein... · 01-25-2016, 11:51 PM MissingInAction Quote: Originally Posted by NorthLoop And that man was Einstein... You knew him too? · 01-26-2016, 01:35 AM Prepuce of Doom Quote: Originally Posted by MissingInAction Knew a guy that had a ferret trained to run cable. In Mexico, I saw a donkey trained to lay pipe. · 01-26-2016, 07:32 AM CooterBrown Quote: Originally Posted by Robin Masters You have left so much money on the table by shooting your wad on page 1. You should have went with the proven technique, make a Twitter called "shit my co-worker Jimmy says" Dole a couple of gems/day. 1-3 months later, Hollyweird is knocking at your door. Profit. Yep. In hindsight, I should've milked the original jimmyisms.txt file for months. I didn't realize anyone would be as amused without knowing the guy. That was compiled over 5 years. Hopefully, he'll speed up production of new material. · 01-26-2016, 08:08 AM hookemATL Sounds like an emotionally crippled alcoholic with brain damage. Please continue to post factoids about him, so I may laugh at him and feel better about myself. Thanks. · 01-26-2016, 08:10 AM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by hookemATL Sounds like an emotionally crippled alcoholic with brain damage. Meh, that could describe pretty much any poster here. · 01-26-2016, 09:05 AM Kavinsky Outstanding thread OP. Has Jimmy sired any offspring? From what I've read so far, I think there's a strong chance that he has a son named Kevin, see spoiler. Spoiler! · 01-26-2016, 09:05 AM MissingInAction Quote: Originally Posted by OnBoard Meh, that could describe pretty much any poster here. · 01-26-2016, 09:28 AM Soul Glo Quote: Originally Posted by MissingInAction Knew a guy that had a ferret trained to run cable. Nice marmot · 01-26-2016, 09:31 AM Soul Glo we had a female version of Jimmy at my office before she retired to a lap of luxury, as she called it (she lived in a trailer). Also, she routinely drove to West on her lunch break to "pick up a dozen or two Go-laches" · 01-26-2016, 09:35 AM loco Seemed like in your first post, you felt kinda stuck with Jimmy as a bad hire. You should re-evaluate. For years, I used to talk about my grandfather's workshop and his "Radio alarm saw". I have never used a crossbow though. Je suis Jimmy · 01-26-2016, 09:41 AM Llano Estacado Quote: Originally Posted by ERhine Subscribed. Subs crib. I thought you subs-crib to threads. · 01-26-2016, 09:53 AM CooterBrown We're in a conference room listening to our CEO's annual state of the union... Jimmy let this one go: "I'd rather be floating in the middle of the lake with hot dogs wrapped around my body" So, now I have to explain. Jimmy told us that one time when he was drunk he decided to tie hot dogs to his pants to catch catfish in his own version of noodling. It didn't work but he had fun. · 01-26-2016, 10:00 AM MrPhlegm Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown A new one to start this thread off... A couple of years ago, a couple of us were walking to the parking garage and I mentioned I needed to get Jamie (our managing attorney) to approve a NDA. Jimmy non-chalantly: "She gave it up to me once." Me: "Gave up what?" J: "You know, her poon." Me: "WTF?" J: "She asked me to come over to her condo to help her with her PC and as a reward she let Jimmy's fingers do the walkin'." Me: "Bullshit." J: "Yep. Fingered her cooch and her butthole. Did her too." Me "Wow." J: "I was going at it and she farted. She got all embarrassed and I was like don't worry usually I make 'em shit." Never looked at Jamie the same way again. Ok, was not impressed with this thread until this post. Holy shit max lulz. +rep subscribed · 01-26-2016, 10:13 AM Jade Hahahahahaha I think Jimmy's sister lives next door to me. My neighbor calls Johnny Depp, Johnny Dimp. I'm going to forever associate people with Jimmyisms now · 01-26-2016, 10:20 AM coffeedillon Please forward to Hillary to add to her "I give a shit list " · 01-26-2016, 10:26 AM Robin Masters I think I know Jimmy's mom. She calls that stuff the poors have on their countertops "ninoleum", she stores things in her "chester drawers" and you know how on cold days when the wind blows it feels colder, that's the "windshield factor" · 01-26-2016, 10:28 AM OnBoard Quote: Originally Posted by Robin Masters cold days when the wind blows it feels colder, that's the "windshield factor" From the mouths of babes, truth spews forth. · 01-26-2016, 10:30 AM Jade Jimmy's sister was walking her dog last week holding a trash bag. She said it was to pick up dog species · 01-26-2016, 10:33 AM Chewbacca In34 · 01-26-2016, 10:33 AM Stilicho Quote: Originally Posted by CooterBrown This thread is for the philosophical muses and life lessons of Jimmy, my potentially retarded, functional alcoholic employee. A bit of background, he's a 43 year old, ex-PC tech. When I was hired to build my department, my VP highly encouraged me to hire Jimmy to a full-time role. He'd been an IT contractor at my company for a few years. Being new, I reluctantly agreed. That VP was later fired and escorted from the building. Jimmy remains. Jimmy drinks at least a 12-pack of Frio Beer a day. If he's not at work, he's drunk. Usually, he's drunk and fishing or hunting. He likes shooting crossbows and recreational welding. He listens Celine Dion and the Insane Clown Posse. He loves Fox News and Info Wars but doesn't really understand any current issues. Jimmy gets his own thread? I am FANTASY NOW!!!!!! Subscribed. Bottom of Form · 01-26-2016, 09:39 AM RDCanecutter Quote: "They found an English king (Richard III) buried under some parking lot. I didn't even know they had parking lots back then." Pretty good point. · 01-26-2016, 09:43 AM Bath Salt Dealer #teamjimmy4life · 01-26-2016, 09:46 AM Jade Just curious, what does Jimmy drive? · 01-26-2016, 09:48 AM Soul Glo

More importantly, you can hover over the like symbol and click hate to neg rep, just like I did for your post. You're welcome.

EJ after dark: Observations from weekend clinics — Noah Cain certainly looks the part of an elite back in shirt and shorts. Cain displayed quick feet during drills, tremendous explosion and speed during his initial 20-yard burst. I saw Cain live as a sophomore and caught a couple of games on TV this past season, and it was easy to see his power and vision. It appears Cain has revamped his explosiveness and quickness this offseason, and it’s clear the IMG program is helping his add more muscle mass to his body. Cain should very much be in the conversation for top running back in the country. — Darius Snow is one of the most intriguing prospects in the 2020 class. Snow, who is ranked as the nation's top safety, is a massive striker on film and is already up to 210 pounds, so there is some concern about him getting too big for the safety position over the next couple of years. Snow, however, is adamant that he wants to stick in the secondary. He did show solid cover skills, quick feet and physicality when working against quicker wide outs during route releases, but he needs to keep improving his hips and flexibility. Snow does have a thick lower half, which screams linebacker when you first see him. But as he works through drills, you can see his potential as a ‘colossal safety,’ as he likes to say. — With Jalen Catalon still on the board and having increasing interest in Texas, it’s hard for me to make the argument that Texas should offer Coppell defensive back Jonathan McGill, but he might be too good to pass up. No, McGill isn’t the highest ranked prospect in the state, but he’s arguably the most versatile. Like D’shawn Jamison last cycle, McGill is an electric playmaker in the secondary that is always in attack mode. On top of that he has a high football IQ, is an excellent student in the classroom and a high character kid. He would be the perfect scheme fit at nickel and the perfect culture fit at Texas. — It’s a weak year at cornerback in the state of Texas this recruiting cycle, so Texas is rightfully looking at elite prospects out-of-state. But one recruit I feel like colleges are completely missing the boat on and could be a late riser is Duncanville cornerback Tre’shon Devones. At 6-foot, 165 pounds, Devones has excellent length, great raw athleticism and so much upside. Baylor, Louisiana-Monroe and Texas State are his only offers, which is a bit mind-blowing to me. Little Elm’s Brandon Crossley is another under-the-radar recruit that could see his stock rise this spring. He reminds me of Kobe Boyce and recently notched an offer from TCU.

Let's get this back started!

Placeholder for later

Mind the gap.

Is MIA gonna call in and get the giggle fits again?

2014 Gibson Les Paull 1959 Reissue

2016 Fender American Deluxe Telecaster

"Took a few pics" - such a chick "Too lazy..." - such a dude

If TCM was discontinued or stopped hosting non-interrupted movies I would drop DirecTV.

Shut up, racist fuckwad. Trump could anally violate you with a chinese made dildo on 5th Avenue and you'd still be singing his praises. You're the true cuck.

No more post count. Just PM Derka a dick pic, so they know you're not a fed