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I have a bed helicopter.

Nobel Piece Prize

I got you fam.

Barton Simmons explaining how Roschon Johnson's "tape" is an issue holding him back is perfectly personified by this GIF. I am trying to remember that one time that Shane had 598 yards and 10 TDs in a fucking Playoff Game. "Johnson is a once-in-a-generation player," Riordan told the Houston Chronicle. "He played a fantastic game for them tonight and did everything he needed for them to win." Yeah, high 3-star makes sense. Fuck off Barton Simmons, you fucking cunt.

Being a Trump lawyer is like being a drummer in Spinal Tap.

Trump hates riggers.

You know what, you could just stop posting all together.

I’d prefer to see him suffer a bit on the way out. But you’re mistaken if you don’t think I’m opening up some balvenie 25 the day he croaks.

Im Team America the Beautiful over the SSB

Trump's phony doctor's note should be getting more attention. I know Trump has normalized lying about everything, but the health of a presidential candidate, particularly an extremely old and fat candidate, is important to voters. If Hillary had won and it turned out she falsified a public medical report vouching for her good health, there would be a nuclear meltdown, and rightfully so.

Vic Mackey's catchphrase.

I got you fam.

What was your address again? Must've lost it.

Wyoming, South Dakota, North Dakota, Montana, etc. the hotbed of slavery. You nailed it. Take a day off.

50/50 chance that Kuato is our President.

Trump has an uncanny ability to bring out a person's inner retard. It's like Gandalf's exorcism of Theoden in reverse.

Ben Carson's aggy? Actually that checks out.

Sounds like a Plano terrorist to me.

It's almost as if the latest newsletter laid out explicit instructions for the donut gatherers to obfuscate potential obstruction of justice by Trump. Fortunately, Robert Mueller isn't going to overlook the fact that Trump TOLD LESTER HOLT that his motivation for firing Comey was (in part) frustration with the investigation into ties between Russia and the Trump campaign. Try harder, donut gatherers. You fucking traitors.

Or maybe just a case of entrapment. Bernard

Checkmate

I would rather live in Syria than Plano.

They didn't have Texas offers, so that's the difference.

Watching in my office if anyone wants to stand outside my door and tell people to fuck off.

The real absurdity would be if anyone found any validation at all for Mehringer based on this one family's blandly positive line about him. At this point, there isn't a single virtue to uphold in favor of Mehringer in an argument about the efficacy of having him on staff. Anyone doing so is ignorant and lost. Mehringer was shopped this winter and there were no takers, so we know Herman isn't in love with his output. He's a mundane recruiter and worse coach. He has no history of performance to point to in which someone can honestly claim that he's the highest and best use of WR Coach at Texas. Anyone making such statements has a competing agenda, such as "your not a corches!?!" or "I stand with Herman!!!" blindly, or they're Mehringer's mother or "special roommate". I would take every other P5 WR Coach in the country over Drew Mehringer at this point. I don't know how many would be better and it is hard to fathom that any are worse, so I'd happily roll the dice and take the guy at KU, sight unseen, or the guy at Vandy, sight unseen, or anyone other random shitty program in the P5. The bar for replacing this guy is below sea level.

SOCCER GODS: for the record, Bone3421 does not represent me or the majority of Liverpool fans. We are all fully aware of the effect hubris has on sporting events and are fully expecting to be thrashed. Please be gentle and don't let us get embarrassed too badly.

A coo coo cuck?

You don't know she isn't also a 247 poster....

So 247 posters aren't the dumbest motherfuckers alive

What starts here...

Bob Shipley's college roommate played lacrosse.

This is a terrible take. EJ Holland is an emo, hipster bitch who doesn’t know a fucking thing about the game and serves as a mouthpiece for various trainers. He’s defended Will Lyles as a “good guy” on multiple occasions and hides behind his moderator handle and bawls at the moment he’s challenged. Fuck him and fuck that lazy take.

I left the house this morning with two paper dollars, a banana, and a travel mug of coffee. Figured it would last me until lunch when I'd be back home to eat some of the grilled chicken and corn on the cob filling the refrigerator. Instead, I got invited to eat with some folks I know from Veracruz. I'm sitting in their kitchen with avocado & onion gorditas cooking almost at my elbow. Had six. And flan, Got sent away with a whole dish of more flan, another with multiple gorditas, and a half-dozen eggs from their chickens. On the way home I rescued a box turtle that had wandered onto a busy road with nowhere to go. Has nothing to do with being cheap-- I like turtles. Still got two paper dollars.

I’d say in a given week I do about 15 minutes of real, actual work.

Yeah, don't disagree here. Gattis has a lifetime .302 OBP and his K rate has gone way up this year. At his best he was a league average hitter and it looks like his best ended in 2016. He can't be in the lineup every day, and since he doesn't really play defense, he should probably be DFA'd/released. I'm not sure White is the answer, but I'd rather see him get ABs than Gattis at this point. Marisnick is OK as a 4th OF, but we don't have a 3rd OF right now. I'm not giving up on Fisher yet, but Tucker needs to be up as soon as he's ready. Marwin is killing the offense too. He's had some of the worst ABs I've ever seen lately. He was very good last year, but that is likely the anomaly, as the rest of his career has been very mediocre. He should not be in the lineup every day. Giles sucks. He shouldn't be used in high-leverage situations.

E.J. Holland: More on Kenyatta Watson's decision

Authorities say the suspect was short, wearing a jacket with no shirt, and mumbling the name "Candi".

Guaranteed he said Goodnight to it.

Just from a recruiting perspective, Pierce doesn't even have that talented of a roster on campus. His first real class isn't until '18. '15 class ranking: 24th '16 class ranking: 22nd '17 class ranking: not even top 100 '18: currently 9th and won't get to campus until next year. This will no doubt be the least talented team Pierce ever has on campus. That's under the assumption Pierce recruits well which seems likely based on the '18 class.

Is he the first Shipley to play lacrosse?

Ophthalmologist weighing in here. There are lots of different treatment options for eye allergies (allergic conjunctivitis). Starting with things that don’t require a prescription: 1. Cold compresses - let a cold wash cloth or a cold back rest over your eyes. Can help with itching but the drawback is inconvenience. 2. OTC antihistamine drops - my favorite is Zaditor (generic = ketotifen). Another option is Alaway. They can be used twice daily. Costs $10-15 for a bottle at most pharmacies. 3. Artificial tears - these can help with dry eyes and allergies. Good brands would be Systane, Refresh, Theratears, Blink, Genteal. They lubricate the eyes and can dilute histamine on the ocular surface, but don’t otherwise have any medication effects. Moving onto eye drops that do require a prescription: 4. Prescription antihistamine eye drops - Pazeo, Bepreve, Pataday. These are excellent drops that work better than Zaditor or other OTC drops. They are an antihistamine but they also stabilize mast cells (which produce histamine), so they are both therapeutic and preventative. Their biggest drawback is cost. Cash price is ballpark $200 for a bottle. Insurance coverage is hit or miss and copays obviously vary a lot. For people with bad allergic conjunctivitis, if their finances allow it, they are the best option. 5. Steroid eye drops - Lotemax, Pred forte (generic = prednisolone). They will help significantly in the short term but benefit has to be weighed against side effect risk, so definitely reserved for the worst cases. Finally, a couple other treatments you may wonder about: OTC redness reliever eye drops - I do NOT recommend these. Examples would be Visine-A, Naphcon-A, and Clear Eyes. In general, I don’t like most of the Visine or Clear Eyes products. Most drops with a redness reliever have a decongestant as an active ingredient. This constricts blood vessels on the ocular surface to relieve redness, which works temporarily but your eyes will quickly develop dependence and tolerance and you will get rebound redness and irritation. It’s the eye equivalent of Afrin. Avoid these things entirely. If you are already hooked on Visine, then try throwing it away and switch yourself to something else listed above. You will feel worse for a while but you will eventually get past it. Oral antihistamines - Benadryl, Zyrtec, etc. These are obviously very helpful for treating systemic allergies but surprisingly don’t do a lot for many people with allergic conjunctivitis. Also, they will dry you out, which means any underlying dry eye can get worse. Not the end of the world in many cases, but just be cognizant that if your eyes are already having dryness, your Zyrtec is increasing that and you will have to be more aggressive with dry eye treatment.

I’ll tell you what, man, when you, UT Lawnghorn, fatkid54 and sarvanaash get rolling together between a few of each you, you guys can derail a thread with the best of ‘em.

While we're slaughtering sacred cows, I'm just going to say that Val Kilmer is the only thing that saves Tombstone. Dana Delany is terrible in her role and her scenes with Kurt Russel are unwatchable, and really fuck up his role as well IMO.

How did she break the mason jar