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What’s the problem? Trump took the same approach to preparing for “God Bless America,” and he fucking nailed it.

Large https://i.imgur.com/yFEfAiW.gif

My boss was giving a presentation in a conference room with about 60+ employees. He had a link in his Power Point presentation and couldn't get it to launch. I was in the 2nd row of seats, so I said, "Hey, XXXXX. Just hit the start button in the lower left corner and launch your video directly from Windows Media Player." This was around 2003. He clicks on the start button. He clicks on Windows Media Player and it automatically launches the last video that he had watched on his laptop. It was porn. It was broadcast on the big screen for the entire room to see. He dove for the projector cord and ripped it out of the wall. I acquired the nickname, "Mr. Helpful."

Thankfully not mine, but couldn't let this go without mentioning... One of our VP's was logged into someone else's (Mr. A) laptop giving a presentation. Another guy in the room (Mr. B) is not impressed with the presentation but doesn't realize the VP is using Mr. A's laptop. Mr. B. sends an IM to Mr. A to the effect of "What the fuck is this dipshit rambling on about?" His IM pops up on the projector screen for the entire room to see. Mr. B. is no longer employed with our organization.

My prediction is that it will confirm that Comey and McCabe acted improperly when they did the things that hurt Hillary and helped Trump win, and that Trump will cite those conclusions as support for his claims that Comey and McCabe were out to get him.

Ossai's maroon pajamas are in a Conroe landfill, so it does happen.

MOWER. POVES.

You should've just pulled back and run your fingers through you hair and said "You're too slow!"

Four Wettings and a Urinal

It gets the lotion for Scott's skin or else it has to find the mattress again.

No. We want you to go away. Not sure how to be more clear on that point.

Nate, you are doing this right. A lot better than most in this site (or “in the real world”) do. You use words such as “faith” and “believe” because you know that there is no proof. You acknowledge that the links and writings you reference are far from air tight and not enough to corroborate anything. You should do a seminar for other Christians on how to have a discussion about religion without getting bent out of shape or claiming something is a fact when really it’s a concept of faith. Have some more rep.

FIFY ... and Jimbo really was riding a tiny pony in that previous picture. /nobert

It's ok. They buried the baby where he can see the scoreboard.

Chef Hamm with the fibs, y’all.

I can't remember if you were on Shaggy at the time, but that was one of the greatest threads in my life when he committed. I was absolutely and unapologetically brutal about the sloth being exhibited and how fucking stupid the whole thing was, and of course there were posters foaming at the mouth to defend Mack Brown, Mac The OL Coach Whose Name I Can't Remember, and Lake Travis. It was the single laziest recruitment in the history of the Mack Brown era and there was zero justification for taking him in February of his JR year while he was in a wheelchair, yet people supported it. They quoted the record and Mack Knows Best and shit. It seems like it was the recruiting period right before the 2010 season when the recruiting chickens began to come home to roost. The Garrett Gilbert threads, and Longhorn94's particular efforts associated to them, are probably the best ever though.

Number one on the list.

No shit. Which is why people should stop feeding his business partner Troll.

Passwaters (aggy Rivals guy) is saying that not only is Shepherd not going to aggy this weekend, he's actually coming back to UT.

My wife started phone banking for Beto last night. I assume she’s calling local folks. We live in Montgomery County, so I figured she’d return home each night dejected after numerous negative reactions to her calls. Surprisingly, though, she said most of those she talked to said they were undecided. We’ll see if that continues, but in an 80% red county, that may not such a great sign for ole barrel bacon.

The jeff fisher rant was the perfect finishing touch. FUCK JEFF FISHER.

Fuck any Longhorn fan that doesn't claim KD as our own

Plus it helps keep your eye liner from getting on the pillow cases.

I work in state government and our "big boss" is appointed by the governor. This gig has some turnover and we get a new person every year or so. They don't even work in the same building, so no chance we'll ever shoot the shit. We just got a new guy and he came over to introduce himself and it's usually a case of "Hi, nice to meet you; I'll never see you again.". No big deal. He came by today and was being led around. When he got to my area, I was standing there, talking to a co-worker. He gets introduced and I immediately go for the handshake. I'm a man in my mid 40s, that's just what we do. I'm about 90% into handshake position, my arm outstretched, when I realize this guy doesn't have a right hand. It was too late to let him take the lead and offer up his left hand. I was stuck. He produced his nub (which I had to shake) and clasped his left hand around our 1.25 hands. It was so awkward. I felt bad, like maybe I embarrassed him but another male co-worker said he's probably used to it, as he's dealt with it his whole life. Still, not my finest moment.

It’s the doldrums of the offseason, so I figured it would be interesting to visit an event that’s always intrigued me in various ways. I wasn’t even born yet, or close to being born yet, when the so-called “Game of the Century” was played in Fayetteville in 1969 between Texas and Arkansas. My dad played ball at Rice and was recruited by Texas as a DB until he tore a knee up during his senior year. He grew up a Texas fan and that’s how he raised his boys, even if we also got to see quite a few Rice games growing up as well. The first CFB game I ever watched with him, mostly because the neighborhood kids were all out of town, was the 1984 Cotton Bowl between Texas and Georgia. After the end of that gut-wrenching experience, my father stayed parked in front of a tv, still as a statue, for hours. That Texas/Georgia game may have scarred him but it woke me up to something that was dormant for the first 7 years of my life. If he could be that obsessed with this “college” team, whatever college was, well, then I could get hooked too. The first and most repeated story I heard from that New Year’s Day to this day about the fabled Longhorn program before my days was the “Game of the Century” – Fayettville, AR, December 6, 1969, Texas vs. Arkansas. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve revisited that story on my own, in part to understand reality vs family sports myth, and in part because it’s actually a pretty fascinating event within the sport I love religiously. There are documentaries I’ve watched and books I’ve read about it, and I’ve often asked people who were alive and cognizant at that time to share their thoughts. Outside of the way my dad explains it, my two other favorite versions of the game come from “Horns, Hogs, and Nixon Coming: Texas vs. Arkansas in Dixie’s Last Stand”, largely because it’s comprehensive and well told, and then separately, there’s an old documentary on the life of DKR that I can no longer remember the name of, but covered this game through the eyes of various people involved. Anyway, who gives a shit, 49 years later, right? Well, honestly, if you’re a fan of one of the two programs, or the sport itself, you shouldn’t be able to help yourself from being somewhat fascinated. Consider the following elements: Beano Cook called the shot that this game could decide the nation title winner during the summer of 1969. He was a young executive for ABC and convinced Roone Arledge to take a shot at moving this game to the last game on the schedule, in December no less. With Arledge on board, they then worked to convince the two programs to move the game and they somehow pulled it off. Frank Broyles usually loved to see Arkansas scheduled to play Texas the week after the Texas/OU game every year, so he wasn’t exactly gung ho about the concept of moving the game. Having the game in Fayetteville, as well as promising him ABC coverage against Stanford to open the 1970 season, gave him enough comfort to let it happen. Royal was on the opposite end of the spectrum, and was all too happy to see the game moved. This might have been the first conference championship game ever played in December. It wasn’t touted as such, but it turned out that way. Texas turned the ball over 6 times in this game and still won. Richard Nixon, a sports fan in a major way, invited himself to the game and ultimately declared Texas the national title winner in the locker room after the game. Nixon’s decision to attend stirred up all kinds of trivia. First, Fayetteville doesn’t have an airport close enough to handle Air Force One, so they had to land at Fort Smith, some distance away, and then have Marine One brought in to deliver the president to the game on time. Second, Vietnam protesters attended his appearance en masse in an effort to heckle and shame him. Third, an urban legend arose that one of those protesters, in fact the one who climbed up in a tree with a sarcastic sign about the war, was none other than a young Bill Clinton. Apparently, that last part has been invalidated due to Clinton being in Oxford, England at the time. Finally, there was another future president in attendance of the game, however, as George HW Bush, a congressman from Texas at the time, attended as part of Nixon’s entourage. A side effect of Nixon granting Texas the national title in the locker room was that another undefeated team, Penn State, felt they had a legitimate claim on the national title as well. Joe Paterno, a future piece of human shit who covered up child rape by one of his friends in order to maintain order within his regime at Penn State, whined endlessly about the slight for years. In fact, the Cotton Bowl actually invited Penn State down to settle the argument on the field against Texas on New Year’s Day, 1970. Paterno instead decided to take his team instead to the Orange Bowl, and whined from afar to the press at that game, and continued to do so right up until a grand jury opted to pursue Jerry Sandusky as a monster. I like to think that Joe Paterno has to watch the game of the century and Nixon handing Texas that trophy on repeat down in whatever level of hell he’s been thrown. Anyway, there’s a remaining odd lot of random shit that’s interesting about the surroundings of this game, but that isn’t the true purpose of this tome. What really brings me back to this game and a higher meaning for it in my life is the behavior of Darrell Royal leading up to this game and in the fourth quarter. Any time I think about strategy, forethought, cajones and courage under fire, this game is one of the random thoughts that pops in. Specifically, I find two things fascinating about DKR’s leadership in this experience. The man showed a mastery of game theory for his craft. Ahead of the game being played, and I believe on the flight up there, he talked to James Street about what they’d do if they were down by two touchdowns in the second half. Royal told Street that when UT scored the first time, they would then go for 2 points. Street asked him if he was sure, and Royal confirmed. Mathematically, this is actually the right maneuver, if rarely deployed. If they missed, they’d still have the chance to go for 2 later if they scored again, which maximizes their opportunity for either a win or a tie. A few years before, Ara Parseghian had played for a tie against Michigan State in a match-up of 1 vs. 2 and it paid off as Notre Dame eventually won the 1966 national title. DKR saw the world differently and hadn’t gotten as far as he had playing for ties, and he wouldn’t do so if given his own choice. As it turned out, Texas was down 14-0 in the 4th quarter when Street came unhinged on a keeper and scored from way out. They then called the play they’d discussed and converted the 2 point conversion. Awesome. Tom Osborne was later vilified, as it turns out on that same New Year’s Day in 1984 as the Texas/Georgia debacle, when he failed the game theory test and went for 2 points on the last score of the game against Miami, as opposed to going for 2 on the prior score. We discussed this in another offseason thread on Shaggy that I enjoyed at this link: http://www.shaggytexas.com/board/showthread.php/108875-The-1984-Orange-Bowl-Game-Theory-amp-Tom-Osborne-s-quot-Folly-quot Most importantly, the call on 4th and 3 from UT’s own 43 with just under 5 minutes left in the game on the play “Right 53 Veer Pass” where, in effect, Street’s only target on the passing tree was a rarely used tight end on a deep route. The TE was Randy Peschel and he was double covered on the play, yet he still came down with the catch, 44 yards downfield and in the Arkansas red zone. Before the play, Street basically asked DKR if he knew what he was doing and Royal responded with biting certainty. It’s an insane play call and the probability of success had to be incredibly low. Arkansas wasn’t even fooled as they had guys draped over Peschel when he came down with the freaking ball. Over time, DKR has taken on mythical proportions within the sport and particularly within the program at Texas. The man could turn a phrase, he won 3 national titles, he was an innovator and a hard ass, he hated cheaters and Barry fucking Switzer, and he won. That considered, my true belief is that none of that other shit matters in proportion to his mythology if he doesn’t call that fucking play and his guys don’t execute flawlessly. My view is that I hope to have the stones in my own life to pull stunts like that, as it’s a great example to me of a life being fully lived, and bringing so many others along on the same damned ride. I’m thankful to root for a school with legends like that in its repertoire, too. Thoughts?

Frat guys always get pissed when other guys squint at their girls.

"Texas was the only university in Division I, II or III, with a women’s athletic director — Chris Plonsky — but is now merging men’s and women’s athletics with Del Conte over everything. Plonsky will now serve as “chief of staff” over student services, which includes areas such as academic services and compliance, sources said, adding Plonsky will remain the primary liaison to women’s basketball." CDC is running the show now

Anything I relay isn't coming from another board. I'm not on other boards. Just to help you differentiate what bullshit is coming from where. And I'm fairly certain there are times where what anyone is hearing is pure bullshit to drive an agenda, so we're all subject to that victimhood. As far as anything else, Ojomo landed at over 270 already. They don't see a bust in the bunch and when coaches are honest, they can almost certainly identify a bust risk within the first 48 hours of check-in. Hell, if you sign guys like Taylor Doyle, Chet Moss, Clint Haney, Dustin Miksch, Gerald Hanson, Antonio Moore, Jason Barron, Lionel Garr, Michael Wilcoxen, Ian Harris, and Trey Graham, you could know you had busts coming in from just reading Hornfans/Shaggy/Surly. As we've discussed before, I personally really dig how they're evaluating and approaching recruiting. They're not going to land everyone they want, but they've got good hustle on the back-ups and the senior season developments, Oscar Giles excepted.

It didn't stop, he just ran out of axe...

Everyone knows the Germans did that.

Hillary Clinton's emails, weirdly enough.

I need a 100W amp like a dog needs golf clubs but man this thing is fun. Good sound and good effects. The channel I’m least impressed by (at least initially) is Brown, but the crunch and lead are great and the built in effects are good.

Hysterical:

Hot take alert:

We aren't "fans of a conference." We leave that to you guys.

Well I'll offer two things: 1. As I wrote about 10 years ago, everyone with an interest in this game owes their appreciation to Michigan for defeating Ohio State two weeks before because without that outcome, Texas vs, Arkansas is a #2 vs. #3 game, Ohio State retains its UPI MNC (that was awarded pre-Bowl) and its AP title by default regardless of what Texas did to Notre Dame since the Big 10 had a rule that said no team could represent it in the Rose Bowl two straight years. As it was put to me by Carolyn Ellison in an interview that I did with her, Woody Hayes had a sit-down meeting with her father, then QB coach Tiger Ellison at some restaurant in Columbus during the spring time at Ellison's request. Before Tiger was even allowed to say a word, Hayes informed him (since he assumed the meeting was about this topic) that he was prepared to hand the reigns of the offense completely over to Tiger with the understanding that he was going to implement his Run-and-Shoot system full-time for the so-called "Baby Bucks," as the seniors of the '69 team were called in '66 when Ellison first came aboard to coach the freshman team. Ellison's response was more or less "thanks for the offer, but I'm retiring from coaching and I'm moving with my wife to Florida." Hayes then regressed to his pre-1968 offense with Earle Bruce and George Chaump at the helm, which got them by for the first 8 games until they ran into Michigan and turned the ball over like motherfuckers en route to a 24-12 loss. Years later, Hayes maintained that the 1969 team was the best team he ever coached. I've no doubt that with Ellison still on the staff and in full control of the offense, they thump Michigan and this game is an afterthought. 2. My dad (pop999 from the old sites) wrote an essay called The 24 Hour Football Game, referring to the fact that he woke up at 4:30 am the day of the game to catch the Braniff flight at Love Field with his grandfather, R. Guy Carter (slorch and other Texas Tech fans may know who he was) and a friend of his. They had breakfast at some hotel at the table right next to Colonel Sanders', and then headed towards the stadium in a cab. Carter told the driver explicitly to meet them at that specific spot about 30 or so minutes after the game. They get there at that exact time and the motherfucker no-showed. They ultimately hitched a ride and headed to the Fort Smith airport in a limo with about 10 or so others. At the airport, the two elders of the group were so overcome with the adrenaline rush of the game, mixed very well with scotch, cigars and steaks at a restaurant in the airport that they fucking missed their return flight to Dallas. They had to opt for a rental car and drove all the way back to Dallas. By the time they got back to Carter's house, where this glorious journey began, Dad looked at that same clock when he woke up and saw once again that it was 4:30 am. Anyways, it's a great essay for a 14-year old and I'll try to re-post it as those motherfuckers at Hornfans lost it in one of their archive dumps. Not many can say they attended both the 1969 Arkansas game and the 2006 Rose Bowl, but he is one of them.

I wasn't aware that POTUS was using Twitter to oversee operations of a pay to play Foundation slush fund or that his Twitter activity was contained on a private server for the purposes of firewalling communications from FOIA requests.

Vic - https://streamable.com/kg4uo Lol. Hookem KD.

It makes me laugh that people complain about Durrant "ruining the league". Meanwhile, Cleveland has the highest paid roster in the NBA. LeBron tried his hardest to assemble a super team like he did in Miami... He just failed to do it. Golden State drafted most of their best players. Then they managed their cap space well enough to add a top 3 player in Durant. They haven't over paid shitty players like so many other teams. And they play a beautiful style of basketball where everyone gets touches that is both fun to watch and fun to play. All that said, if Durant hadn't gone to GS I don't think they win another title. Curry and Draymond have slipped a notch. The league has gotten better and now everyone is shooting 3s. Even with Durant, Houston would have very likely won Game 7 with a healthy Chris Paul. GTFO with this "destroyed the NBA" crap. It is better now than it has been in 30 years.

Little Homesick “graduated” from the 1st grade last Thursday. Ex Mrs Homesick felt it necessary to text me from the school at 12pm: Her- “he really wishes his Dad could be here to see this”. Me- “According to the take home flier, it doesn’t happen until 12:30. Have you already spoken with him?” (It was my week with him, so I’m the one who dropped him off, and was picking him up). Her- “I haven’t spoken to him yet, but I know that he’s going to want you here”. Me- “It’s first grade graduation, if I’m not there, I’ll get to hear about it when I pick him up at 3:15”. Her- “All I’m saying is that these are things that will impact his life down the road. He’ll remember you not being here.” Me- “He and I talked about it this morning on the way to school. He’s cool with the fact that I probably couldn’t make it there due to work.” Her- “Whatever. It’s already over with. I just thought you were trying harder to include yourself”. Me: “Get off your phone, and try and find him. He’s on the other side of the auditorium. I’m the one who’s lap he’s sitting on.” Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Died doing what she loved. Being a little bitch.

a guy in the desert: "there are many gods!" Jew comes along: " there is only one god" guy "no way" Jew "Yahweh"

Surly is the battleground of a massive 9.95er civil war where a bunch of sock accounts post each others content in an attempt at sabotage and slander each other to win the subscriber base. This is some game of thrones shit.

worked at a Luby's back in the day. we had a lady on the line who was Korean...and she absolutely hated Vietnamese people with passion that rivaled the heat of a thousand suns. if it were somewhat slow and a Vietnamese person or family was coming up she'd walk off the line. she called them "dog people." this is Port Arthur, mind you, so there's a big Viet population. one particular day it was hot and heavy...long line, loud and worst of all late in the day and we were tired. the Korean lady has her head down and not paying attention, she looks up and there's a Vietnamese family right in front of her. the look of disgust is burned in my memory. so they tell her what she wants, she repeats it back, and neither can understand each other's broken ass English. she'd grab the spoon for something and the Viets would raise hell "NO! NO! NO! DAH (translation: "THAT")! the manager and i we're watching this racist shitshow unfold and busting out laughing. after about the third time the Korean lady had enough of that shit and started screaming at them, so they scream back...each in their native tongue. and finally Korea has enough, grabs a spoon full of macaroni and cheese and flings that shit at the customers somewhere close to the speed of light....hard enough to stick to the wall behind them and just over the head of some poor coonass who was also laughing. thus ended the career of Korean Luby's line-lady.