Leaderboard

My counter to your semi-lucid post is this: This year will be ATM's version of the 2010 Texas Longhorns. The chickens are coming home to roost for your hillbilly band of goobers in College Station this season. All of the skin of your teeth wins, the loose recruiting plan, the poor self-scouting, the ridiculous and myopic expectations of record and performance, largely because "we always seem to find a way to get to 8 win (except last year, but Jimbo!)". All of it is going to boomerang back and kick your ploughboys squarely in the nuts. At QB, I was told yesterday by someone with friends on the staff that Mond is starting in large part because they need someone who can plausibly run for their lives behind the charmin soft OL. He's also best friends with Marchiol, and they don't want another canary singing on the transfer papers. Absurd anti-aggie fantasy? Probably. Entertaining? Certainly. More than a grain of truth mixed in? You know it. I dig Williams and I don't get why anyone else doesn't. That dipshit can jitterbug and pimpwalk with the best of them. I don't see how he stays healthy and productive getting 25-30 touches a game, but I am sure ol'Jimbo Aggins will figure out something. The rest of your TB/FB crew is a sad representation of FBS football. Multiple walk-ons, that even you are lauding pre-emptively, against the Clemson, South Carolina and SEC West defenses. Strong to quite strong bullshit right there. The TE situation is your Garrett Gilbert. The writers covering the team are hyping up a guy with obvious flaws that are going to be his undoing at this level, and the fanbase is eating it up. Jace Sternberger has a better chance of walking on the moon than he does of being a 3rd Team All SEC TE or better. The WRs are Ausbon and boogereaters with cleats. Austin Bryant and Clelin Ferrell are going to drop more smooth buttfuckings on your OTs than the corps at a livestock show on a Friday night. Texas is hoping to achieve mediocrity with its OL this year, and that's a bridge too far for what you should be hoping for with the fatasses your clown of an OL coach will be tossing out there. Everyone must still be undefeated because the list of aggie posters and writers touting Daylon Mack as though he's anything but a bucket of lard on a bad day is long and indistinguished. It's a sad commentary that you guys view your DL as the strength of the team. This is what a smart, tubby bride does. She stacks her wedding party with women named Griselda and Gertrude and ensures that not one of them comes in under 3 bills. Suddenly, she looks pretty fucking good by comparison. This is your DL when viewed against the backdrop of the rest of your team. The LB crew has some talent, but they're an affront to the concept of depth. The minute Hines or Olaka shatter into a million little pieces of grass, you're forced to play walk-ons or Pryor, who you bought years ago and should be asking for your money back. The secondary flat out looks like Candi's leathery ass pressed against a mirror. I can't wait to see Leon O'Neal trotted out at some point because "it can't get any worse" and then someone like Auburn plays banjo on his ass to the tune of 60 points. I like your kicker though. Northwestern State - Aggie W, replete with chest-beating and conch-blowing as shouts of "Jimbooooooo" waft through the Brazos River valley. Clemson - Aggie L, Clemson goes in bone dry. Only Kelly Bryant can keep Clemson under 40, so he does. La Monroe - Aggie W, Jimbo escapes this game by the skin of his yellow teeth and your fanbase cites ethereal shit like "learning curve". Alabama - Aggie L, a weaker than expected Alabama defense holds ATM to under 20 while an explosive Bama offense has a hootenanny on ATM's ball sack. Arkansas - Aggie L, unrequited love is a hideous thing when an aggie male is on the receiving end, and Chad Morris knows his way around an inferiority complex like the good aggie he is. Arkansas pretty much plays the weakest non-conference schedule of all the P5 programs and this is the game they've been tuning up for since he was hired. Kentucky - Aggie L, the ball starts rolling downhill here, but really, UK has recruited better than ATM for a few years when attrition is accounted for and the retarded Stoops brother somehow is turning them into a perennial bowl team. Mike Elko starts putting out feelers for a HC role at New Mexico or Arkansas State after this game. South Carolina - Aggie L, I think Will Muschamp actually jacks off to the concept of putting W's on aggie. Miss State - Aggie L, another DL that is going to force the tv feed to shut down because of explicit sexual content. MSU might be fined by the FCC after this game. Auburn - Aggie L, after this game, Outside The Lines runs a story on the out of control spending in college sports and features ATM as the Beverly Hillbillies of the college landscape. Aggies are actually proud of the feature in the aftermath. Ole Miss - Aggie W, a sense of pride kicks in and Lacamera kicks the gamewinner in a 48-47 shootout, as Jimbo's offense finds a blind acorn against a paper thin Ole Miss defensive depth chart. UAB - Aggie L, hoisted by your own retard, you scheduled a program you thought was a patsy that's actually a 9 win bowl team with convicts up and down the line-up and they've been pointing at this game all season. LSU - Aggie L, Viceroy Edwardo Beaujolais Orgeron, IV brings his brain trust and a thirsty, lifeclinging prayer of fight into the AlsoRan Bowl in the hopes of sealing a 6th win, a real bowl bid, and one more year as HC on the bayou. Jimbo Fisher is shown looking on towards the final seconds ticking off, down by 35, and looking as though a hand grenade has gone off 15 feet away and with his ears ringing and mouth wide open, he can't hear a fucking thing. Texas ATM goes 3-9 and Fisher buys a top 5 class, preaching "wait til 2020-something" and you guys all nod your heads, knowingly and in unison. WHOOP!!!

Fuck you.

12th Man = Big advantage, Aggy

First post ever in Cloak Room / Politics: I just donated $100 and bought some yard signs and stickers. I'm inspired, despite never really ever getting involved politically. Not to mention that voting straight Dem in these midterms is really the only choice for any rational, caring human being, IMO. Let's do this.

it's tuesday conference call time, and for the 7 of you that care, the 3 that will take the time to ask questions, the hundreds of you that live with your parents and will hurl misspelled insults, and closetojumping, here is what you can expect from my ags this year: TLDR: i have no idea. smart money would say the defense would be better than expected (elko is really good, there are some front 7 athletes over there although the secondary is going to be slow as shit) and the offense is going to struggle transitioning to a new scheme without much talent. combine that with a schedule that has more opportunities for wins at the tailgate than on the field, and let's call it 7-5 (decent shot at 6-6, outside shot at 8-4 if the offense can click). offense: can jimbo scheme away the lack of talent at tackle? and even if he can will we be able to have any semblance of downfield threats? his natural tendency is to lock down into the underneath stuff, but that may not be the best option with this collection of talent. qb: there's a reason mond had a bunch of offers coming out of IMG - dude has some arm talent, he's a hard worker, decent runner (way more fast than quick) and a smart kid. staff really wanted him to win the job, but he's conservative as hell with the ball, which works for and against him. starkel has a great arm, is kind of a weird kid, and thinks he can put the ball in any window on the field, which drives fisher insane. fisher skews conservative anyways, and i expect mond to eventually win out, which means our rb's and te's are going to catch a thousand balls at 4.6 ypa. foster will be interesting to watch develop. fisher is a different cat, but if does anything on an elite level, it's get the most out of his quarterback talent. rb: trayveon williams is being built up to stupid expectations this fall, but he's a very solid running back who shouldn't have more than about 15-18 touches a game or he'll fall apart. etwi is actually a solid little back who probably shouldn't be getting more than 3-4 carries a game. we really need jashuan corbin to grow up quick, but he may not be ready. no idea what people hyping vernon jackson see, get that guy to defense. i expected charles strong to come in and compete but he disappeared when the pads came on. we will feel the results of clarence mckinney lazily fucking us here for another year or two. wr: one of several places sumlin's roster management was outstanding, there are somehow zero upperclassmen wide receivers on a team that was running the spread and seemingly signed 10 a year. good times. jhamon ausbon is lacking a step to be elite, but is going to be a really productive college wide receiver. quartney davis looks all the way back from his acl and has been fantastic in camp. need that to translate because there's not much behind it. there's a bunch of other dudes, some are faster, some are bigger, most are jags. really wished we could have payed enough to get jaylen waddle, we need someone to threaten deep badly as most good defenses should play everyone within about 7 yards from the line of scrimmage. te: our staff seems legitimately excited about the kansas transfer jace sternberger, he's put on a bunch of weight in juco and works his ass off. for all the shit tim brewster gives and takes, the guy is actually a really good tight ends coach, so we'll see what happens. trevor wood is a big dude who can block, lol at him being an nfl guy liucci. nothing behind those guys are ready, need baylor cupp to come in hot. ol: the marine! this is probably the biggest swing factor between a fall-apart 5 win year and a shocking 9 win campaign - turner, like most ol coaches, is a polarizing guys, and his evals are all over the fucking place. jimbo didn't exactly inspire confidence with his ol selections at FSU, so will be interesting to see what happens here. dan moore is a mauler at left tackle, which is not great when facing a bunch of first round nfl end prospects. should be ok inside from g-c-g as sutherland, hocker and especially mccoy are all solid (with mccoy having the chance to be an all-conference guy). carson green is a year away from being really good at right tackle, but there's nobody there to push him. frightening depth. maybe one guy who can fake tackle and 1-2 inside. defense: i believe in elko! the secondary may be unschemeable though. dl: should be a strength. durham is a try-hard guy who will be asked to drop a lot more this year, but a solid college player. keke won't get any pressure, but shouldn't get run on either at the other end. there are a bunch of guys at end who should be good in a year or two but one has to step up quickly, most likely bobby brown. mack is fun to clown on based on recruiting rankings and appetite, but is a good kid and finally seems engaged, hopefully this defense is a better fit for however many snaps he has to give. if madubuike can stay healthy he's going to be really good, need one more dt to step up and this will be a solid rotation. lb: dodson is a stud. alaka looks great in pads, but just isn't instinctive enough. he should be fine, no more, no less. hines is still putting it together, but is a hell of an athlete. coaches love buddy johnson, and he better be good, because there is literally nothing else on the roster. if larry pryor is forced into any meaningful snaps, i will be consuming an entire bottle of eagle rare 17 in one sitting. cb: charles oliver is good. everybody else is a prayer. renfro is tough as hell, but lacks a step (or three), and chattman can't stay healthy. they'll throw a lot of bodies at the position and elko's scheme protects these guys more than chavis, but still could be ugly if we can't get pressure. s: bunch of good, instinctive football players who will hit you, not sure who is going to cover the deep middle. donovan wilson should get an nfl shot, but not sure what he's running these days. i like derrick tucker, but again don't want the dude deep. will be interesting to see leon o'neal in live action. still wonder if he eats his way to rover in the next 18 months. lacamera will be a really good kicker, which is good as jimbo wants to win every game 24-21. braden mann is a punter. our returners should probably just fair catch everything and call it a net neutral. will be fascinating to watch fisher shove square pegs into round holes all over this roster (if you will) and how fast he can get his offense executing - and even if he can, will that work in this league with the players he can get? look for me rushing the field at clemson.

What kind of fucked up world are we living in where I'm rooting for Jeff Sessions...Jesus Christ.

27-25. Forever.

The reality is, Alabama lays claim to multiple national titles that aren't anything more than bullshit. Many SEC teams do that, and ATM started doing that when they tucked tail and headed east as well. What is good for redneck fatasses spread throughout much of the south should be good for a bunch of redneck fatasses surrounding Orlando. I cheer UCF's continued claims on a title and all of the hypocritical whining being spewed by SEC honks everywhere. Alabama didn't even win their division, they played 8 fucking conference games and Mercer, and they got beat by double digits to a team that lost to UCF by double digits. Enjoy all of the schadenfreude you fucking mouthbreathing, troglodytic hillbillies. UCF has as much claim on the title last year as anyone, as far as I am concerned.

Title IX has almost nothing to do with why he should be fired. The investigation revealed that OSU knew that Meyer wiped his phone to hide any potentially incriminating evidence, falsely accused a victim of domestic violence of recanting her allegation, and lied directly to the investigators. Any self-respecting institution would terminate an employee who did any of those things, let alone all three. That description, however, does not apply to OSU. So tell your Buckeye sister she's an idiot.

We had a lot of shaggy posters who made up that last group. Spent seven years crying about Obama on shaggy, then pulled the trigger for Trump on election day only to spend the next couple of weeks gloating and taunting the board like a bunch of 6 year olds. Of course, when it became apparent just what type of leader they voted for, they curiously disappeared. Fucking cowards.

Troph threw a damned fine party, which was really well attended. We raised some serious jack for Beto last night, but we weren't the biggest fundraiser of the night. After our deal, Beto headed over to West Lake Hills for another fundraiser. As I was taking out my trash this morning, I started chatting with a neighbor who was at that fundraiser--they raised north of $90K. Between the two, that's a good Monday night. And as an added bonus, troph let me take the half of the fifth of Knob Creek that went undrank as a party favor. Something about only straight guys drinking bourbon . . . . Anyway--gift horses and all that. Oh--final note. I've seen a lot of politicians speak. Some are great. Most are good. I've seen some bad ones. Beto may be the most dynamic politician I've ever seen speak. He's really impressive.

And I don't trust right-wing state governments or Trumpkins or Trump himself or his cronies not to do everything possible to swing the next election, legal or not. They. Are. Going. To. Cheat. Write it down in stone. Will they be successful? I have no idea. But they will fucking cheat as much as is possible, and then a little more.

Probably depends on what the prosecutors and judges decided...

Over the last few years I've had plenty of conversations with fans of other schools where I've said things like "yeah, Texas is just not very good right now, and probably won't be for a few more years." I don't like saying it, but anyone with two eyes already knows it, so why pretend? What strikes me is, for the entirety of my time watching cfb aggy has mostly been different shades of bad to average. A couple of fluke good seasons, but for the most part a middling team. Living in dfw, I encounter a lot of aggy, and I don't think I've once encountered one willing to admit the same. There's always some excuse, some scapegoat, some reason why they're actually a much better team than how they performed this year. Just wait, next year things will line up better and you'll see they were right. This is why I think the season is so hard on them. They really can't see how far they are and have been from good, and honestly believe they just need a couple of breaks to go their way for the world to finally see it. This year if they'll just whoop a little louder, stand a little longer, and squeeze a little harder, the stars will align and you'll all see what they've known all along. Poor aggy.

Best line from tonight ... “We know separating parents from their children who traveled 2000 miles and risked everything for their kids and sending them back to the country they came from and locking the children in cages is inhumane and unjust ... the only question that remains is whether that’s American or not.” Guy knocked it out of the park. Healthcare Immigration Education Criminal justice reform Race relations Racism Equality The guy is the real deal. And we homos can party like rock stars. Made a Monday party look like a Thursday night place to be. Had probs 125-150 total. Campaign was duly impressed and I had a fantastic time with an amazing team at HRC Austin getting this guy some serious scratch.

Coin flip. Texas wins. Defers. Maryland will receive. 35 yd kickoff return to the 39. 1st play from scrimmage. 280lb Linebacker Roach blitzes the qb playaction, rips the qbs head off, shits down his throat, and punches the RBs mother in the face. Texas wins.

Nuuuu York is where I'd rather stay I get allergic smelling hay I just adore a pent-house view Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue

Ellen is syndicated and beamed into the living room of every bored housewife in Texas. He'll have more exposure (to a demographic he'll need) in that 7 minute interview than he did in the previous 6 months of campaigning combined. Google tells me that Ellen averages 3.9 million viewers a show.

Fucking sick. Religion is a scourge on this country and world.

The only real response is from our local Longhorn Legend:

Anyone else struggling to get through this week? Geesh. Every minute seems to take an hour. Hell, I'm even looking forward to Gameday.

Pro-tip: Voting straight democrat means that you will miss several opportunities to vote AGAINST GOP candidates. If that’s your goal, you need to go line by line to vote Green or Lib where there are no Dems running.

Unstable woman-y things. You know, like flying off the handle and pissing off our allies. shit.

Here's what you can expect:

Let's think about this a little more, though. It's interesting. The Durkin distraction is one of those issues that makes the logic-oriented left-brainers in our base somewhat hopeful but dismissive, and the emotionally-oriented right-brainers pretty optimistic that it's a big deal. I think the science/accounting/engineering/legal/actuarial types are looking at this and assuming that if Canada is worth a shit, the team will be ready. The flip to that is that these are 18-23 year old humans who have been thrown into a bizarro state of flux with no precedent to lean on and a temporary HC with no experience whose only qualification for the role is that he wasn't around long enough to be more than the least stinky coach on the staff. I'm on the side of the fans here that thinks this is a pretty big, unpredictable deal for that team. No Durkin plus the cloud of negativity surrounding that whole group plus Canada never having HC'ed is less likely to be a rallying point and more likely to be a major emotional drag. Beyond any of that, Canada is one of the most overrated assistants I've seen in years. He has years of mediocrity wherever he's been, he gets fired at NCSU, scrapes further into the barrel by landing at Pitt, lucks into an experienced and talented QB, has one big year, takes a paycheck to get his ass fucking ogre-stomped at LSU, sinks back down into Maryland and falls ass backwards into the interim coaching role. This guy has to be looking at things through a fog of war-type surreal experience right now, and Saturday he's going to be the man on the sidelines for all aspects of the game in front of 82,000+ people, half of whom are going to be hostile. I didn't like his ability to adjust during games anyway, and now? Nope. Regarding the defense, they certainly have experience, but it's sort of like Kansas having a ton of experience. It's not all good news because some of that experience sucks, especially in the secondary and the interior of the DL. Cowart is a fucking lunatic who I'd like to see us double-team and antagonize in order to put him on skates. The other DE is a fucking stud if he's healthy. The LBs? Meh. To me, we need competence on offense and our defense needs to show up from the jump and create chaos. This Maryland team enters the game on shaky emotional footing and if we can put them on tilt early, the game is done by halftime. With Year 2 in the system on both sides, and a ton of experience, I expect Texas to play like the Texas we all reminisce about seeing on Saturday.

I know, not a pic, but it's short.

One of my absolute favorite things about aggy is that they will NEVER get used to it. They've spent so much time time repeating the standard aggy mantra about how they're a sleeping giant, just need the right corch, this is the year, they're headed back to some illusory "golden age" when they were really, really good (never mind that they've NEVER been really good, even when they were cheating like hell and still never managed to win anything), the 1-9 Junction team was one of the most magical teams ever because "BUHR BRAHENT!", they're a real SEC big boy, premier SEC west program in the state, etc., that the aggy hive mind has accepted these statements as absolute, unimpeachable truth. They good enough, they're smart enough, and, doggone it, people like them. Except they've never been good enough, they sure as hell have never been smart, and everyone thinks they're a bizarre cult filled with dog-worshiping, sheep-humping, jizz jar collecting weirdos. Meanwhile, "click-clack" goes the roller coaster as it climbs toward new and unforeseen heights mere moments before the inevitable, crushing descent back to reality. I, for one, cannot wait.

Familiarization and visualization of crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you and hearing the lamentations of their women.

I’m not going to pretend that you know what I’ve posted, but I have recognized ad nauseam that we have been talent deficient at a number of positions. I fully expected us to fail last season offensively because our players weren’t great. I did not expect our coaches to call plays that ensured failure before the play began. And I posted numerous examples of those plays on this site. Having a dearth of talent is not an excuse to use your poor talent stupidly. All coordinators, particularly those with HC’s specializing on their side of the ball, deal with meddling and input from their boss with regard to personnel and playcalling. It could be as simple as “give me something safe that could break” ( Mack Brown to GD before the Utah pass was intercepted and returned in then 09 MNC) or it could be “gun, jack left, strong 25, zap read”. But all great OC’s are their own men who don’t need the rest of the staff as a down by down safety net. Bryan Harsin notably told Mack to call the plays in a bowl game when he stuck his nose in too far. Btw, Texas fans have been more than happy to bitch about our OC’s when we’ve had good talent. GD did stupid on steroids with some of our best teams. He was more inclined to get away with it because we had great players, but that in no way excused the idiocy of the call. Its very simple, you need BOTH the Jimmy’s and the Joe’s AND the x’s and the o’s. We lacked both last year. I’m sure Tom Herman beats off to 28 Q Lead every time he thinks of third and short, and that he suggests it often during the game. It’s a staple of the Urban Meyer offense that’s been run for years, and that’s we run in Austin. I don’t shit on Beck when we run our concussed QB into the line yet again on that play. I know where it originated from. It’s the other 80+% of the offense that I know Beck is calling with tacit approval that pisses me off. We can get into specifics if you like, but the BS was frequent and voluminous.

That's the most fucked-up way to announce that you're about to have an abortion I've ever seen.

Again, the only thing you're working so hard to point out is covered by his contract and university policy, NOT TITLE 9 All of which I have said they can use to rightly terminate him. It's just NOT UNDER TITLE 9. Me thinks you have a learning disability. No use arguing with the disabled.

Just a reminder that it was Sams (True Freshman) 2nd game ever AT usc and he almost threw for 300 yards. Also, he got concussed and we had no other options at QB but to leave him in there to throw that heartbreaking interception in OT. He sat out the next game, because he was concussed. Shit was fucked last year because they didn't have a QB, or an offense fully installed. I don't know if we can expect TH to come in year 1 and instantly create a badass offense and heisman QB. What he did do year 1 is come in and fix that poor effort shit, and make sure the guys play their asses off and leave it all out on the field. That's what kept this team from not making a bowl game this year. Year 2 we all expect the offense to be flowin, and I think the way TH does that is to get a badass offensive line coach to open up some holes in the run game. They also have an offensive system installed for consecutive years now, so we will see the improvements. We also have a QB with more experience, hopefully he learns to just go out of bounds or slide instead of taking big shots that knocked him out last year. The defense won't have to be "lights out" anymore, so I'm hoping they go all-in on going for turn overs. I love the nickel package as a base in the big12.

so they have lawyers, nuns and money?

I for one welcome the rain. It makes it easier to open up mud holes.

Yeah if you want to surround yourself with gold diggers who would slit your throat in your sleep to take your money. History is littered with the bones of rich men 6 ft under due to that mistake.

Until there is a legit playoff, (with conference champs at the very least), I hope they crown everyone who goes undefeated as "NCAA champion." I hope they crown everyone who is #1 on every obscure poll from the dawn of time going forward, until we get a real playoff. Sure, the 4 team 'special secret, traditional schools only' tournament is better than the 2 team 'special secret invitation, traditional schools only' tournament, but its still total bullshit. I hope they do this every year and we have co-champions every year, until college football fans get what they deserve. A postseason tournament where all teams are eligible to win. UCF was undefeated in 2017. They beat SEC West champion Auburn.

I think, at some point, you might want to ponder the value of going with a quality over quantity approach to your posting behavior. Not every thread merits a non sequitur post with random image or YouTube video.

I enjoy seeing other grown men in jerseys. It brightens my day every time I spot one. It's a subtle way in which God reminds me that, no matter how shitty my day is going, it could be a hell of a lot worse.