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You and your friends are the reason why Texas is so fucked up politically. Stupid fucking lame ass white evangelicals in the suburbs who vote for Dan Patrick and have stupid fucking boring dinner parties where you all eat white bread with mayo and talk about how important Jesus is. Fuck you you bunch of Oakley wearing, F250 driving, khaki pant wearing middle management, uncultured fucking Aggies in Missouri City.

It's 4:20 a.m. and I am drinking alone in the Green lot A4 parking lot outside Fedex field in Landover, MD. Got my tailgate situation set up. I have two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that I need all this for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worries me is the ether. Where are you fuckers?

My counter to your semi-lucid post is this: This year will be ATM's version of the 2010 Texas Longhorns. The chickens are coming home to roost for your hillbilly band of goobers in College Station this season. All of the skin of your teeth wins, the loose recruiting plan, the poor self-scouting, the ridiculous and myopic expectations of record and performance, largely because "we always seem to find a way to get to 8 win (except last year, but Jimbo!)". All of it is going to boomerang back and kick your ploughboys squarely in the nuts. At QB, I was told yesterday by someone with friends on the staff that Mond is starting in large part because they need someone who can plausibly run for their lives behind the charmin soft OL. He's also best friends with Marchiol, and they don't want another canary singing on the transfer papers. Absurd anti-aggie fantasy? Probably. Entertaining? Certainly. More than a grain of truth mixed in? You know it. I dig Williams and I don't get why anyone else doesn't. That dipshit can jitterbug and pimpwalk with the best of them. I don't see how he stays healthy and productive getting 25-30 touches a game, but I am sure ol'Jimbo Aggins will figure out something. The rest of your TB/FB crew is a sad representation of FBS football. Multiple walk-ons, that even you are lauding pre-emptively, against the Clemson, South Carolina and SEC West defenses. Strong to quite strong bullshit right there. The TE situation is your Garrett Gilbert. The writers covering the team are hyping up a guy with obvious flaws that are going to be his undoing at this level, and the fanbase is eating it up. Jace Sternberger has a better chance of walking on the moon than he does of being a 3rd Team All SEC TE or better. The WRs are Ausbon and boogereaters with cleats. Austin Bryant and Clelin Ferrell are going to drop more smooth buttfuckings on your OTs than the corps at a livestock show on a Friday night. Texas is hoping to achieve mediocrity with its OL this year, and that's a bridge too far for what you should be hoping for with the fatasses your clown of an OL coach will be tossing out there. Everyone must still be undefeated because the list of aggie posters and writers touting Daylon Mack as though he's anything but a bucket of lard on a bad day is long and indistinguished. It's a sad commentary that you guys view your DL as the strength of the team. This is what a smart, tubby bride does. She stacks her wedding party with women named Griselda and Gertrude and ensures that not one of them comes in under 3 bills. Suddenly, she looks pretty fucking good by comparison. This is your DL when viewed against the backdrop of the rest of your team. The LB crew has some talent, but they're an affront to the concept of depth. The minute Hines or Olaka shatter into a million little pieces of grass, you're forced to play walk-ons or Pryor, who you bought years ago and should be asking for your money back. The secondary flat out looks like Candi's leathery ass pressed against a mirror. I can't wait to see Leon O'Neal trotted out at some point because "it can't get any worse" and then someone like Auburn plays banjo on his ass to the tune of 60 points. I like your kicker though. Northwestern State - Aggie W, replete with chest-beating and conch-blowing as shouts of "Jimbooooooo" waft through the Brazos River valley. Clemson - Aggie L, Clemson goes in bone dry. Only Kelly Bryant can keep Clemson under 40, so he does. La Monroe - Aggie W, Jimbo escapes this game by the skin of his yellow teeth and your fanbase cites ethereal shit like "learning curve". Alabama - Aggie L, a weaker than expected Alabama defense holds ATM to under 20 while an explosive Bama offense has a hootenanny on ATM's ball sack. Arkansas - Aggie L, unrequited love is a hideous thing when an aggie male is on the receiving end, and Chad Morris knows his way around an inferiority complex like the good aggie he is. Arkansas pretty much plays the weakest non-conference schedule of all the P5 programs and this is the game they've been tuning up for since he was hired. Kentucky - Aggie L, the ball starts rolling downhill here, but really, UK has recruited better than ATM for a few years when attrition is accounted for and the retarded Stoops brother somehow is turning them into a perennial bowl team. Mike Elko starts putting out feelers for a HC role at New Mexico or Arkansas State after this game. South Carolina - Aggie L, I think Will Muschamp actually jacks off to the concept of putting W's on aggie. Miss State - Aggie L, another DL that is going to force the tv feed to shut down because of explicit sexual content. MSU might be fined by the FCC after this game. Auburn - Aggie L, after this game, Outside The Lines runs a story on the out of control spending in college sports and features ATM as the Beverly Hillbillies of the college landscape. Aggies are actually proud of the feature in the aftermath. Ole Miss - Aggie W, a sense of pride kicks in and Lacamera kicks the gamewinner in a 48-47 shootout, as Jimbo's offense finds a blind acorn against a paper thin Ole Miss defensive depth chart. UAB - Aggie L, hoisted by your own retard, you scheduled a program you thought was a patsy that's actually a 9 win bowl team with convicts up and down the line-up and they've been pointing at this game all season. LSU - Aggie L, Viceroy Edwardo Beaujolais Orgeron, IV brings his brain trust and a thirsty, lifeclinging prayer of fight into the AlsoRan Bowl in the hopes of sealing a 6th win, a real bowl bid, and one more year as HC on the bayou. Jimbo Fisher is shown looking on towards the final seconds ticking off, down by 35, and looking as though a hand grenade has gone off 15 feet away and with his ears ringing and mouth wide open, he can't hear a fucking thing. Texas ATM goes 3-9 and Fisher buys a top 5 class, preaching "wait til 2020-something" and you guys all nod your heads, knowingly and in unison. WHOOP!!!

Because you were afraid of stubbing your toe, you chose to amputate your foot. Real smart. A Hillary presidency would've been a lot like her husband's presidency without the marital infidelity. If you didn't vote for Hillary then you voted for Trump, the worst human being to run for president in the history of the U.S. You have the blood of Americans in Puerto Rico on your hands. Children have been taken from their parents, some of whom may never see them again, because you didn't have the maturity to vote for the better of two options. I don't understand that level of hate for Hillary, especially compared to Trump, but I'd be surprised if it didn't include the belief in at least one false allegation leveled against her over the years. Like Uranium One. Or that they had Vince Foster killed. Or that she could've prevented Benghazi. Surely you didn't fall for pizzagate.

Fuck you.

I'm here for the walk off bitches!!!!

"And MS13 and then the Antifa and also R.A.D.I.C.A.L Islamic Terrorists...and then the illegal immigrants come in.....and you see..then they all will start the death panels....you ma'am in the front row.. in the looney tunes t-shirt, do you want the government to decide that you need to die?...no..no .. I didn't think so..and then so the transgendered will rape all the kids in the restroom and then George Soros kills everybody.....so in conclusion..Merry Christmas!!!

Selective outrage is common among your sister’s demographic group.

100% chance TH makes it rain

Going to go down as the greatest twitter follow of a player's parent of all time...

So your liberal sister thinks it is perfectly fine for an institution of higher learning to keep a wife beater and drug addict on staff to coach young men for multiple years after they knew he was a total piece of shit, all because his wife beating and other generally shitty behavior wasn't a technical violation and of Title IX (and more importantly, because his grandfather used to be the coach at OSU)? Does she also know that Meyer could have fired Smith for no reason at all, as he has dozens of coaches over his career? It fucking kills me that people act like there was some reason Meyer COULDN'T fire Smith whenever the fuck he wanted to. Like, oh, Urban found out that Smith beat his wife...AGAIN...so he couldn't fire him because it wasn't a Title IX violation and he told the AD, s his hands were tied. Are you fucking kidding me??? I mean, Jesus Fuck Christ dude! This is the worst argument I have heard yet or not firing Meyer. And fuck you for even spitting that shit out here. Holy shit, you people are repugnant in the worst way possible. It's so fucking disgusting that I don't even have the curse words to fully express how fucking disgusted I am at anyone that would stick up for Ohio State or Urban Meyer.

You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning

"church homegroup dinner" "hip-and-cool" lol

Herman was just there to make sure Smith didn't beat the shit out of any of the dancers.

I sincerely hate this sorry ass motherfucker. I just don't know any other way to say it anymore.

Had an issue with our ISP earlier this week and didn't have Internet at the house for a day. The kids wanted to watch some cartoons so I told my wife to turn her hotspot on so they could watch on the tablet - which she did. Later my wife asks me - "So how do our phones work without the internet?" Me: How does your phone work when your at work or driving down the road? Her: I don't know.

12th Man = Big advantage, Aggy

Yeah, sorry if I'm not looking to the coaching staff of the Washington Generals for game strategy advice. "But we've coached 1,000 games!" is not compelling....particularly when you look at their Generals-like W-L record. As Bozo has observed, there IS NO STATEWIDE DEM PARTY IN TEXAS. As a result, Beto is building what he needs from scratch. Good. Maybe that can provide a foundation for a new, functional Dem party in Texas.

I know, I've said it before, and maybe folks don't agree....but it makes me sad when folks kill a big, OLD fish like that. I catch and keep plenty of fish for eating, but I also do a whole lot of catch and release, and I think alligator gar are some of the coolest fish that we have in the state. They're prehistoric beasts. And killing an old one like that just seems pointless. I mean, I'm sure it was a cool and exhilarating experience, but I just wish they could weigh and measure the fish, and slip her back into the lake.

No, the goal of that post was trolling. He likes to pretend to be a Democrat on the internet while being very concerned and asking lots of questions.

"heartless and moral-less clowns. " New motto.

This is really the story of the last 30 years. It ties into everything. Deficits, wage stagnation, kleptocracy, eroding middle class, regressive taxation, environmental degradation....and last but not least, the moral reversal that the measure of a mans worth is now the size of his wallet rather than the content of his character.

Terrell Owens can get up and get his own damned plate of BBQ, imo.

There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.

Well if Tom Arnold isn’t a great source, I don’t know who is.

I’ll take option E. None of the above

come on guys, they only have a problem with ILLEGAL immigration. not that they have anything against legal immigrants or brown citizens

No, you had dinner with a bunch of morons. Quit hanging out with morons. You have to be an absolute idiot to vote on abortion, because ain't nobody elected looking to change those laws, and you have to be a complete asshole to be against gay rights, because what the fuck is it to you if other people get to have the same rights you have?

Hamm deserves everything bad that happens to him in life.

Needed me a Hatch green chile cheese burger and some crinkle fries. Sliders for the wife and kids

There is nothing to be torn about. You root for the upset. aggy losing to a 4 win FCS team in the first game of the Jimbo, greatest corch ever, era would be the biggest meltdown college football has ever seen. They can write off losing to Clemson, even if it's a blowout. They can't write off losing to Northwestern State. That's the kind of loss that tanks recruiting and dries up the donor checks.

Bruce Ohr must be doing some damn fine work to have Trump and Putin that pissed off at him.

Of course he is. His father was a mudder. His mother was a mudder. Loves the slop....eats the slop.

Re: the aggy choke job vs UCLA Let us not forget that SCBruin was at that game and got the call that his dad was about to pass away and had to leave around halftime or early in the 3rd quarter. He started hearing the comeback on the radio as he hurried. Luckily he made it in time, but his dad passed either that night or the next day. I'd like to think that the UCLA comeback was a cosmic sendoff for Pops SCBruin. RIP

Its like a casting call for the next Cocoon movie.

So a communist foreign power and economic rival, China, hacked into the emails of the US Secretary of State. Trump was presented with three options: Handle it privately with the appropriate intelligence and state officials Publicly call out China on this Don't publicly call out China, and instead publicly call out the FBI Let’s go with option #3

Dumbshit aggy (redundant, I know) at my pub yesterday was crowing about their opening opponent this season. "They finished ranked last year AND beat an SEC team in their bowl game." It was then that I pointed out they were playing Northwestern STATE, not Northwestern. Bar got a good laugh outta that one.

I hope you took the time to educate her without making her feel embarrassed about not knowing. Maybe she's young and never lived in a world without the internet. Maybe she's never seen a rotary phone. Maybe you could post pics.

Jimbo Baggins covered up Jameis’ proclivity to rape - but let me ask her about Tom Herman going to a strip club on his day off.

The pragmatic part of me says this: Beto and Co. have most likely been planning on Cruz going negative for quite a while. They know Cruz's history and are most likely ready. All of those hundreds of town halls across Texas have thrown just about every conceivable question at Beto that you can imagine, including ones from Republicans, so Beto and Co. are going to have a response for just about anything. Negative campaigning, in Ted's case, is probably more about just trying to get his actual base out to vote and donate money than anything else. Many folks in Texas already have their minds made up about Ted, and those Rs who are looking to Beto are probably not going to be influenced by negative ads (they wouldn't be looking at Beto in the first place if keeping them was as simple as an ad buy). Ted Cruz going negative really hard - how does that help him with women? It doesn't. Speaking of women, there's probably more than one Republican gal in Texas who wonders why the fuck he didn't fully stick up for Heidi when Trump was trashing her. Women notice that stuff. If Ted goes really hard on the negative campaigning, it's going to reek of desperation, and people notice that. Negative campaigning like that is not a "power" or a "alpha" move, it's a move that shows a huge lack of confidence in your own platform, abilities, and your base. All of Ted's negative campaigning is going to raise Beto's name recognition substantially. This is actually really stupid on Ted's part, because if people start taking a look at Beto's twitter and Facebook, and see huge crowds and Beto staying positive about Texas, while Cruz is filled with petty little sniping, Beto comes out looking better.

A grown man likes titties on another dude's company tab. Oh no we're doomed.

Title IX has almost nothing to do with why he should be fired. The investigation revealed that OSU knew that Meyer wiped his phone to hide any potentially incriminating evidence, falsely accused a victim of domestic violence of recanting her allegation, and lied directly to the investigators. Any self-respecting institution would terminate an employee who did any of those things, let alone all three. That description, however, does not apply to OSU. So tell your Buckeye sister she's an idiot.

You whippersnappers ain't got no respect for your elders. Some of us have always been on top of this high tech shit.