I really love this thread and have had time to think since my first response and want to say more but not sure what to say.
Is it ok to say I love Christ but hate church? I mean I go and I will credit my own church in that they do not judge people but I see so many people that call themselves Christians and I want to cringe. It also then makes me wonder what my church members are doing when I don’t see? That also makes me wonder am I being a hypocrite for judging people who judge people when the Bible is against condemnation?
I don’t know where else to put this but I feel like typing.
I have posted before that my father attempted suicide January 26th 2016 and didn’t accomplish what he wanted to accomplish. He now resides in a home where he is blind and has the mental capacity of a 5 year old. For the first 7 months I was driving 5 hours one way to see him every weekend. Some visits were for an hour and sometimes he was asleep but I had to go see him as his only child.
Also, on the same day my father chose his path my stepfather died of cancer. He was an incredible man who was awarded a Purple Heart. He treated my mother like a queen and was a true prince of a man. I watched him fight for over a year a fight that we all knew he would lose. It was hell and completely unfair.
I will say during that day that I became closer to God. I never once said why me. I do remember saying I know God will not give me more than I can handle but I really wish he didn’t trust me so much.
I will now fast forward 4 years to now. I posted about surviving an F4 tornado on Easter Sunday. The whole day I had a bad feeling seeing that the storms were coming from the south as that is always bad in Tennessee. Long story short is we got into the hallway bath just in time and surrendered to God. We could see the roof about to break away from the house and I told my wife we have done all we can do and it’s out of our hands. It was over in 10 seconds but really humbled us.
Our anniversary was a few weeks later and things were pretty much back to normal. Things are going good and we both have great jos and friends. I am even lucky enough to snag a little muff on our anniversary. Things continue to roll on for about 6 weeks and everything is great. We are happy and our dogs are healthy and what more could we want?
I have always wanted children and my wife always said she didn’t. I thought it was a phase and she would snap out of it but as the years went on I learned that it might not be a phase and what a shame it would be as I have seen how well she treats our pups and what a phenomenal mother she would be. I had actually started to build some resentment but I kept it buried. I thought my wife didn’t want kids because she thought she couldn’t have kids. She had some issues and a surgery back in 2016 ( same year of dad and stepdad) and we were told we should let the dream of kids go.
Well, one week in May on Wednesday I woke up around 2 am to let the dogs out ( ruff, ruff, ruff) and couldn’t get back to sleep and my mind started wondering. I started thinking about children and how it obviously wasn’t going to happen and I surrendered myself to God and said I accept what you give me and I am thankful for what I have with my wife. I stayed that Saturday night at the lake and when I came home the next morning I noticed my wife following me around the house. I get to my closet and there is a book in it. The book was Your Baby’s First Words Will Be Dadda. I didn’t get it at first and was annoyed that it was in my way but then I see her with big tears in her eyes and she says “You’re going to be a daddy”. I fall to my knees with joy as I cannot believe I will be a first time dad at 40!
I make the mistake of looking up miscarriage stats and immediatly go down a dark road thinking I got my hopes up for nothing. I am a nervous wreck for 2 weeks and I cannot sleep or eat but my wife is calm and not worried. She has such a calming grace about her during this time. We go to doctor and get the due date. The date is the same day of my father and step father. We both start crying and I finally feel like this will happen. I just don’t think it’s a coincidence. You can call me a sheep or whatever but I thankful for the life God has given me and I will praise him in the good times and in the bad. We are well aware the rug could be pulled out from us at any moment but I will give God the glory either way.
We are at 19 weeks and I would appreciate any and all prayers!