I hate who I've become. Im angry ( and some friends admit I have the right to be, but its still no fun) Mother is still a black-hearted cunt, sister still fighting cancer And now I have to deal with my 3rd job loss in 4 years. 1.Contract ended 2 Unexpected Election results 3 Statewide project on Economic Development closing 2 years ahead of schedule. Also 2 floods Tax-day and Harvey. Damage to the house and vehicle And the Cat died.
Everybody says just pick yourself up, brush yourself off and go on. But how many times can you do that? All the savings are gone, there is nothing left. And there are still unresolved issues with the house, I can no longer help my sister, I have nothing to offer and for the 3rd Holiday of the last 4 I'm unemployed and no one finds a job in Nov. Dec. and the lights may be turned off mid Dec.
I honestly believe that God means for me to fail, and I cant beat God, every night I pray that I die in the night, as I drive I look for that out of control 18 wheeler that hopefully will hit me.I wish there were a shooting spree that I could jump in the middle of and go out with some dignity
I dont plan on killing myself I wont give the assholes that have contributed to this situation the satisfaction And thats where the hate comes in.its all I have to keep me going but hate kills.
but not quick enough.
And thats where I am in life