I'm 41 and I've indulged in a shit ton of different vices myself over my lifetime. If you can name a recreational drug I've probably tried it at least once (aside from heroin, I was always terrified of that shit), and believe you me it's a goddamn miracle I didn't end up a cocaine addict or addicted to any of the myriad drugs I've experimented with over the years. I'm incredibly fortunate that I'm just not wired for addiction in that specific way, save for cigarettes (that one took me a long time and many relapses to kick), but [imo] it's just not the same.
Alcoholism is a different beast and I have watched more than one friend and family member slowly, fatally, succumb to it and certainly don't want the same for you.
All you can do is keep trying. Don't do it for us, do it for yourself. BELIEVE in yourself. Trust me, I understand depression and self loathing as well as anyone and that shit will derail you just as quickly as your addiction will. You mentioned that you've been to rehab, but have you ever seen a real therapist outside of rehab, 1-on-1, in person? If not, I would be willing to bet such a thing would change your life pretty quickly.
I've told you this before, but you need to do something different, your normal routine clearly is enabling your alcoholism and you need to shake it up somehow. Find a new hobby, anything that you can distract yourself with when you feel the urge to drink.
You can do it, we believe in you.