No we're cookin' with gas.
Frustration morphs itself into some pretty existential questions when you've been standing on the bow for 7 hours and it's 90 degrees with 90% humidity and you haven't even seen a fish.
Permit fishing on the fly is the epitome of stupidity when it comes to 'fishing'. Like it's the stupidest thing on the planet IF the point is actually catching fish. I pay anywhere between $500-$1000+ for a day of 'fishing' and the likelihood of actually catching a fish is maybe 5-10%? Why do I put myself through that?
I really don't know, other than to say I'm pretty sure I have a screw loose in some way. You said masochism and I think that's right. I like the pain in some way. I think it's because every time I I grab that tail, I know how much I had to suffer to get to that moment.
I guess what I'm saying is the point isn't the fish, the point is everything (the anticipation, the disappointment, the anger, the self-doubt, ALL OF IT!) that goes into the fish.
So don't beat yourself up for not finding fish or catching fish. In fact, in some warped way come to appreciate that you're able to feel such intense emotions about something you have a passion for...a lot of folks don't have that.
If that ain't the damn truth. Years ago I asked folks the best part of fishing for them, because 'the possibilities' is it for me. Something about 'what might be' is so enthralling to me.