I got a phone call this morning saying that they may have to pull me off my route/truck.
For a few a few free fall seconds I had no idea what was going on. The last time I heard those words it was my last and most terrifying bottom. Even more, later I realized that that other call was nearly exactly one year ago to the day.
Today is not my one year sobriety date, but one year ago - after having already secured the day off and still at home, and then even later after my boss blew it by not following contractually negotiated notification procedures, I agreed to drive to Concentra for drug and alcohol screening.
After waiting my maximum 2 hours I blew a .07 at 11 A.M. in the morning. Normally legally, yay? But I was “In The Program” at work, and not allowed to have alcohol in my system.
All I had to do that morning was just turn off my phone. But what was more important to me was doubly making sure I could have the day off... so let me go knock this task out and still have the day off.
Why? You know why. Because I had allowed myself to be in active addiction, a cycle of pain where the most important remedy is the very the very cause of the pain in-spite of diminishing returns.
I knew how big of a problem this was, but immediately started drinking. I drank again the next night even after being taken off route and fired.
That was the last time that I drank. I pray a lot, even though I don’t believe that there is a deity listening. I love the program of AA, even though sometimes it can be a chore.
I try to have a purpose and be of service. And when I combine that with a spiritual walk, alcohol has nothing to do with me, even if I come-to and realize that it’s literally right in front of my face.
The story and blessings are longer, but the point isn’t.