Last weekend I was in KC for a rare and awesome weekend with my BiLs to catch a Royals game (one goes to a different MLB park every year and I tag along when I can). Last Saturday night we were at this sports bar trying to catch all our gamesā¦OSU for me, Baylor for one BiL, Michigan for another and Michigan State for the third. We had a prime table and weāre just chilling.
Ironically Iād been trying to explain about Aggy to MSU guy earlier in the day, but about 2/3rds of the way through the Baylor game, a group of six Aggies drunkenly walk up to play golden tee. It was genuinely weirdā¦they all looked the same, said they were cousins, constantly called one of their own regarded to his face, and made a few jokes about licking assholes.
Iām not making this up. It was awkward, annoying and with serious Deliverance vibes.
My Michigan BiL, who is 6ā5ā but as gentle as Teddy Ruxpin, suddenly pays our tab and texts us to GTFO. I figured they wanted our table and were just being assholesā¦so I told the aggies to enjoy licking each otherās assholes, Iāve heard it tastes like a penny, Iām going to take a pissā¦figuring my BiLs would meet me outside.
Apparently they didnāt like that, got pissy with Michigan demanding to know what I said, and the vibe turned weird. When my BiLs met me outside, MSU said āholy shit you werenāt kiddinā¦fuckin weirdosā. I told him I hope Miami pushes Aggyās shit in so they can lick their own assholes and Texas whoops up on Bama.
So hereās to you, weird inbred Aggy fans fucking up a rare kid-free, wife-free, fun weekend with my brothers in lawā¦last night I was just smiling at the heavens all: