Something that seems lost with incel-types is that people (men or women) tend to gravitate towards those that make them feel good about themselves. Sincere compliments, making them feel heard, making them laugh, looking them in the eye when talking or listening…feel like these are learned skills that take practice you can’t really hone in social media.
Speaking of social media, and I’ve said this before…places like Reddit / et al allow such narrow ‘specialization’ that it’s too easy to gravitate towards those echo chambers. Diversity in your experience is so critical to being a well-rounded, welcoming, open person that others will both find interesting as well as someone they can find common ground with.
My father, retired USAF O6 who defied all odds starting as a reservist O3 who went AD as a lifeboat when his civ employer employed, once apologized to my whole family for dragging us all over the world growing up…he felt awful that we didn’t get to grow up with a group of folks or really put roots down.
I told him it was the best thing possible for me to grow up realizing the world isn’t full of Americans and gave me some great stories to tell. He also was as far from an elitist officer as you could get, his E folks loved him, and that defaulting to respect is the way to live.
TLDR: Make people feel good about themselves, and they’ll feel good about you.