(Regular disclaimer that I still drink occasionally and my experiences may not translate)
TLDR: It SHOULD get easier with time, start your break and find a motivation to stick with it.
Taking a break was when I started to feel comfortable that I wasn’t necessarily an alcoholic, because up to that point ‘will I / won’t I’ was taking up a lot of mental cycles…it was a ‘mental obsession’ as noted many times in this thread. Not just managing level of intoxication but also judging hangover impact to the next day. It’s exhausting, a whole job on top of work and being a dad/husband.
At the time I was on the “alcoholism layaway plan” with one day on and one day off. My brain was set on a cadence of “get a good buzz on, wake up feeling like ass, go to bed early, wake up the next day feeling fine, rinse and repeat”.
After I broke that chain, things rapidly improved and the devotion of brainpower to making decisions surrounding alcohol faded quickly. Sounds silly but I recalled a book where a SEAL talks about hell week in BUD/S, and used meals as motivation…don’t think about the endless torture that waits, just make it to the next meal. For me, my ‘meal’ was bedtime.
I was fortunate that it only took a week or two to get where I didn’t really think about it much. Sure, normal life shit would get tense and the thought would cross my mind to pour a drink, but I’d tell myself to wait until the next morning before actually considering it…by which time I’d wake up feeling great and be grateful I didn’t touch the bottle.
An added bonus, for someone like me, was a totally reset of tolerance. Mine had become so developed that the window of ‘buzzed but not stupid’ was so small that I’d overshoot it into the darkness. Once I reintroduced alcohol, I was able to enjoy it slowly again and not rush…thus my tolerance has stayed low.
Again I don’t consider myself cured or special or normie or anything…I remain well aware that I’m at a higher risk for abuse based on my history. Just when I see someone like me post here, figure it can’t hurt to be a voice for problem drinkers and what’s worked for me.