Fuck norovirus in the goat ass. Wife out of town past weekend, all going well with Daddy Rules (donât fight, break anything or generally be assholes and we will mix fun with Roblox the likes of which you have never known).
Sunday: Starting 3p my 9yo says his stomach hurts, think little of it as itâs often anxiety-driven. By 6pm heâs puking his guts up, 615pm his 6yo sister does the same.
This continues at 30 minute intervals until approximately 1am. They canât sleep due to nausea, finally end up with me in my daughters bed, her on the floor, and son sleeping on a towel in his roomâŠafter doing laundry until 3am.
Monday: Doc visits for all. Get Zofran and a âgood luckâ. Diarrhea begins. I manage to get some work done. Wife gets home at 8p and Iâm already asleep in the guest room.
Tuesday: Kids well enough to go to school, wife bitches I didnât make daughters bed perfectly. I canât sleep and go to guest room.
Wednesday: 1am, wake up with terrible gut pains. Ask myself âam I about to puke?â Affirmative. Up until 4am. Spend all day in bed or sometimes puking between my legs as I pee out my butt. Wife says thatâs disgusting.
Thursday: 6am getting kids ready for school, 9yo says âbad news, mommy was throwing up all nightâ. Sheâs miserable, apologizes for âdisgustingâ comment as she did the very same thing. Sheâs in bed all day.
Friday: Work is insane, eat my first real meal since Tuesday 11am.
Back to my pre-Christmas weight. Fuck norovirus. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.