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smuggs

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by smuggs

  1. They were eating an astronomical amount of ass.
  2. A real bed and a quasi-toilet available inside that pop-top slide out probably would have prevented this murder. The dude's dad should be charged as an accessory for not letting them borrow it.
  3. Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell is one of my favorite Onion articles. https://www.theonion.com/hijackers-surprised-to-find-selves-in-hell-1819566162
  4. My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical - summers in Rangoon, luge lessons... In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds - pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
  5. Lol. Imagine Sword Of Justice was ranked the 20th greatest television show of all time and became a template for a whole generation of young screenwriters. And made Dack Rambo an iconic cult hero.
  6. I loved Dennis Miller but he always seemed like a stand up comedian first, riffing on current events second. Nealon was all in: Ron Burgundy style, will read anything on the teleprompter. Norm was a nice area between the two, delivering the news with his own personal riff but still maintained the phony newsman vibe. All three of them are awesome.
  7. This 7 second Farley clip also kills me.
  8. That's a hard fucking broil on those dogs. I'm a fan.
  9. There's too many skits that qualify as best for me but two of my favorites are the men's synchronized swimmers and the Zagat's restaurant guide. Martin Short sitting on the couch in a tracksuit slowly nodding just about makes me piss myself. And Farley was from another planet. I don't know if there will ever be another physical comedian on SNL that can match that dude's intensity.
  10. He told a story on Stern about how he was on Who's Line Is It Anyway and he mock-buttfucked one of the cast members:
  11. His lawyers are busy setting up the "unpaid drug debt" defense for the wife/son murders.
  12. Oteri killed it on the Anderson Cooper NYE show. It's the only funny thing they did:
  13. The man punching the chair at :05 looks like something out of a Street Fighter 2 bonus stage.
  14. Responding DPS officers, EMS, accident investigator, county sheriff and county coroner at the scene all thought it was a gunshot and reported no vehicle debris around or on the body. Later after the autopsy the county sheriff and county coroner both changed tune and said hit and run. The doc that performed the autopsy basically told the accident investigator to pound sand. A couple of tips pointed to Buster and friends but there was no concrete link. Also interesting - an anonymous tip from a caller that implicated a random local for the hit and run was followed-up on by the accident investigator. The caller claimed that he was instructed to call in the tip by Randy Murdaugh - uncle of the two shithead sons and brother of Alex Murdaugh. Nothing fishy with that at all... https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9722907/Cops-investigating-Stephen-Smiths-death-questioned-ties-Buster-Murdaugh-docs-reveal.html
  15. I would have appreciated some video from a neutral 3rd party to observe the alleged "thong and bra" swimwear.
  16. And both the responding SC Highway Patrol and EMS personnel reported there was a gunshot entry above the right eye and no vehicle debris anywhere around the scene.
  17. The surviving shithead son on the left is also rumored to be involved in the suspicious death of a gay friend/classmate 6 years ago. The Murdaugh family seems to have watched Roadhouse before taking a solemn oath to live their lives like Brad Wesley and company.
  18. The Coors Light commercial with the sea lion has had this one in implanted in my head for awhile.
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