GoPokes83

I tell them I took the email receipt option at the self checkout and don’t have cell reception in the store.

Shave off the douchestache?

I’m pretty good at telling Lampassas accents from Amarillo, but that’s about as good as I can get. Once you get away from South Asia and Australia /NZ many of the Commonwealth accents seem very similar to me. Except Canada, but fuck those guys!

For some reason the cup and straw together in one hand handoff at the drive through window makes me nervous every single time…

Decorated bow hunter? Isn’t that called camouflage, or are we talking a John Rambo situation? I just want whatever’s least traumatic for my kid during her time of need and grief. If she needs me in the ground with a rock with my name on it to come visit a couple of times a year until she emotionally moves on and she somehow gets whatever comfort she can from that then so be it. It’s such a threadbare phrase, but in reality I quite literally could not care less what happens to my body once I’m done with it. I’m a true believer, and know where I’ll be. Funerals are for those left behind to come to terms with the fact that their time is coming. No body farm though, fuck that.

I kind of felt the fact he was British and mocking Americans every night was one of the main reasons he was resented. Same thing happened with Piers Morgan. We can make fun of us, not you.

Got my truck inspected today. Busiest place to get it done is a place owned by a woman I’m guessing is in her mid 70’s. She has another slightly younger woman working for her and all they do is inspections. It cost me 7 bucks for the inspection, and I’m guessing the State gets a chunk of that. How does she keep the doors open on just a portion of a 7 dollar job, plus paying an employee? There’s only so many hours in the day, and it’s a small city.

No movies? Ever? You’ve never seen A Christmas Story, The Godfather, or Step Brothers?

Hard to top 1994 for “ modern” movies, Golden Age it has to be 1939.

IDK… Changing my kid’s diaper on the tailgate of a pickup at the cattle auction comes to mind. Actually I’ve done tons of ultra Texas-ey stuff but they’ll never be Texan because even after living here for 3 decades I’ll never be a Texan.

So, would that be manslaughter, accidental, or what?

Just got back from Wal Mart, and checked my email. In the last 2 hours I’ve received 27 emails for second chance credit cards and online personal loan ads, thank God neither of which I need or have searched online for. I wonder what I could have said that my phone or Alexa picked up on that started all this?

You wanna post some random thing on TikTok or Instagram good for you, some are pretty darn entertaining. But completely fuck professional TikTokers, Instagram influencers or questionable looking “models” directly in the goatass with a giant cactus! Those idiots and the people who keep them in business are definitely a wheel damaging pothole on the highway of humanity! And don’t get me started with reaction videos! Asshat, I know how to watch a damn video, I don’t need to see some self important random attention deprived douche teaching me how I should look while doing it!

Group texts and phone calls as soon as any local gets pulled over.

That’s the grill that Hank built out of 2 other grills when he and Peggy first got married. (I may have a problem)

Kind of dad that starts talking scholly’s at 9, but it’ll never be Jr’s complete lack of athleticism that will cause that not to happen.

I’ve never been a coffee drinker, but our shitty excuse for a town got a Starbucks and the kid couldn’t wait to try it out. All over the store were signs for coffee mixed with olive oil. Isn’t coffee a natural laxative as it is, what happens when you add a shot of oil to that?

Might be a lot easier to get done if you just have someone push your raft into the Rio Grande with a couple of lit firecrackers and let the DPS light it on fire with one of these bad boys!

Any of you sailor types know the real difference between a boat and a ship? Online definitions are all over the place. Big equals ship and small equals boat but what’s the cutoff? Coastal/inland is a boat and ocean going is a ship, yet an ocean going yacht is a boat. Submarines are somehow boats even though they’re in the ocean. Fishing boats are still boats even if they’re huge. Confusing, at least to me.

She joined the auxiliary of the local VFD a few years ago when we moved here full time. They do fundraisers for the FD and take water and food out to longer fire calls, pretty good little charity for the local save a slab. (In the 30 years I’ve been at the coast they’ve yet to save a structure of any kind, strictly Green Acres quality but my homeowners insurance is much cheaper because they’re close!). Anyway, the FD won’t give the Aux radios so other than hearing the sirens for the ambulance or fire apparatus they don’t know if something’s happening so they’ve all downloaded scanner apps on their phones so once they hear the siren they can turn it on and hear the call. The apps run 60 seconds behind, I guess so criminals don’t use them for real time crime assistance. She got where she left it running all the time so she and her nosey friends could hear everything that is happening with the sheriff dept and the local fire/ems. A little annoying, but no big deal. Then she discovered if she turned on a Bluetooth speaker she could hear it easier from the kitchen or from the couch while watching TV, which means it has to be equal to or slightly louder than the TV volume. It’s like living in a damn police dispatch station 24/7!!! God bless the woman, she practically kills herself doing everything for me and the kid and asks so little in return, but this may be a battle I have to take on!

Pretty sure those are ass implants

Forget politics, religion, same tastes in entertainment,etc…. Before you get married make sure you’re on the same page when it comes to the damn snooze alarm! She hit it 6 times this morning, that added an extra hour to her set time to get up and she can’t figure out why she’s so rushed! I’m usually up and turning my alarm off before it goes off.

Kudos on introducing Mr. Magoo into your kid’s life.

Neighbor, “Your dad’s got that nice bike in the shed and I’ve never once seen him ride it. What’s wrong with him?” Baby Pokes; “So? He’s got a wife and you’ve never seen him ride her either!”

Depends on the funeral. All the classier type elders in my family have passed except my in laws, and they’re as low key as they come. MIL is donating her body to science, and FIL is going to be cremated, so there will probably be a celebration of life dealio at their church and a suit wouldn’t be required or expected. Anyone else I know it’ll be business casual looking stuff. If my wife or kid dies I’d probably get an off the rack suit though, then donate it ASAP afterwards.