I bet a lot of us are experts on the Ellis County Jail, because many of of us have probably had the experience of some cold, late December night at 2am, when some toothless, inbred, goat fucker climbed onto a table and proudly told the patrons of the Waxahachie Waffle House #1347 that Dean Martin sang a better cover of “A Marshmallow World” than Johnny Fucking Mathis, and rest-in-peace Dino, but by the Gods we were not going to let that sister-fucker (probably named Cleetus) besmirch the good name of Texas-born Johnny Mathis by claiming that fucking Italian did it better when he didn’t have the range and just phoned it in on the version he released three years after Johnny released The One True Version, leading us to explain to the police at 2:15 am why the EMTs were having to haul that unconscious trash off to the hospital, and they were not accepting the YouTube video of Johnny that we played for them on our phone.