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Burt

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Everything posted by Burt

  1. Burt

    Shit My Kid Says

    No, the landscaper that comes over when JSB is at work is black.
  2. But you thought a Trumpkin reading this thread likely wouldn't know what it meant? Way to know your audience!
  3. To me it feels like every day he continues to speak as the leader of this country is June 6, 1944.
  4. That's Diamond AND Silk.
  5. Fuck, I was just about to post this!
  6. Burt

    Shit My Kid Says

    A few months ago I bought pink raquetballs to play fetch with our lab because they were easier to see in the snow. They were on their last leg so I ordered more on Amazon, however, they were out of pink ones. My 6 year old loves to open Amazon packages so I gave her the box when they were delivered. When unboxing them, she turned to my wife and said, "Daddy has blue balls!" Guilty!
  7. Great Falls is represented by Tera Patrick. I knew the name and knew she's an actress. However, I couldn't place her so I googled her. From work. Now I remember where I've seen her.
  8. But people know him for what he did in Fargo, not Bismarck.
  9. Yep, a guy I coach with was beside himself when, on the bus ride home over the weekend, one of our players said she was going to Chicago this summer to visit family. He almost had her convinced to cancel her trip.
  10. Why should they feel the need to tweet when they have a TwitterTwat live tweeting their broadcasts for them?
  11. History will remember him as The Great Uniter. And this was the moment we'll all reference when we reflect back on when he earned that moniker.
  12. I coach our high school girls' softball team and pretty much all of my weekends have been tied up since the end of February and will continue to be through the end of the school year. My wife has been itching for a weekend trip to Billings just to get out of town and shop. I finally got tired of hearing about it and told her to shut the fuck up whining about it and go....but she had to take our daughter with her. Against my better judgement, I let her take my truck so she could get it serviced Monday morning before they headed back home. Its a 300 mile trip one way to Billings and I had nothing but dread leading up to them leaving, and worried while they were en route. She's already driven off the edge of the highway and sideswiped a couple of highway markers on the way back from there once before awhile back while looking for house keys in her center console (75 miles from home....as if she could unlock the house that far from home!). She called while pulling into the Sonic lot as soon as she got into town. About 30 seconds into the conversation she said, "let me call you back." I didn't think anything of it as I thought she was ordering. I didn't hear from her again for about 6 hours. Again, didn't think anything of it as I figured she was just getting her "big city" shopping in. Fast forward to Monday morning...I called to see if the dealership has said anything about my truck. She said, "no, but I have something to tell you." I knew right away she'd fucked up my truck. She said that when she was talking to me as she pulled into Sonic that she sideswiped the stall on the passenger side. Instead of just stopping and backing up like a normal fucking person would do, though, she powered right through leaving dents, scrapes , and yellow paint down the entire passenger side. And to prove she was committed to completely fucking it up, she dented the driver's side front fender trying to back out! She asked if I wanted her to send photos and I told her if she did she better never return home. I was so pissed by then that seeing what it looked like would have only made it worse. It took me 45 minutes to even go out and see what it looked like after they got home. She said the Sonic manager told her they put in new stalls last year and that they are smaller. Bullshit! I was just there in October and they were the same ones they've always had. No one does that kind of work up here in the winter. Its easy to tell how it happened - she took a narrow approach instead of a wider right turn into the stall. I paid the truck off a little over a year ago and told her I'd dropped the coverage to liability only and that the damage was $9500. In reality, its fully covered with a $1000 deductible (and the damage was 'only' $7000), but I'm gonna make her sweat for a couple of weeks before telling her the truth. I haven't parlayed this into a blow job yet (been sick the past couple of days) but I have gotten breakfasted cooked for me at 6 am the past two mornings. Here's the damage....
  13. Does this mean they agreed on a new pope? Or do I have that all backward?
  14. Old wives' tale. If it were true my wife would be throating my hog twice a day to collect my life insurance.
  15. "Proud of Prejudice" "Dude, Where's My Son Meets Home Alone" (Barron)
  16. Does someone not know the difference between immigration and emigration?
  17. Does this mean our men's basketball team will have to sit out March Madness?
  18. Burt

    Molly Ivins

    We could use some Molly Ivins covering our politics today. She'd have a field day with this shit show. An Ann Richard reincarnation would be kind of fun, too.
  19. Orange salty semen makes you retain water.
  20. I cant wait until he's on the front end of bareback.
  21. There is literally nothing he will not molest.
  22. I was thinking of doing the same. Please post your results.
  23. Because Jed wasn't fucking her?
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