Conversation overheard inside Jimbo Fisher's office:
Evan Stewart - "Coach Fisher, I'm hitting the transfer portal ASAP unless you do something about Coach Craig. I'm tired of his stories about how he was going to be the number one overall pick until those crooked refs let Payton Manning beat him in the SEC championship, and he would have won the Super Bowl but those idiots at Carolina wouldn't put him in the game, and those stupid GM's in the NFL wouldn't give him another chance even though he threw for 600 yards in one game in Europe (BTW, what the fuck is a claymore or haggis??), and how he should get all the credit for Jameis Winston but the biased media are keeping him down, and that he would be the head coach right now at Auburn but they're all racists, and that he should be the head coach at LSU but that grass-eating bastard messed everything up, and now he has to pass by that racist statue every damn day and then deal with WR divas and all their emo drama when he should be coaching QB's and calling all the plays if there was any justice in the world. He's driving me crazy. It's either him or me."
Jimbo Fisher - "OK Evan. I'll see what I can do."