As I walk through the battlefield of life, I make sure to always train my laser site on the vitals of the nearest threat. Yesterday, for example, I grabbed a coffee from a local shop. My red dot hovered on the barista’s forehead the entire time I was ordering. You can never be too careful.
When the transaction was over, I reached for the cup with my free hand while careful to keep the muzzle pointed at my potential murderer behind the counter, and then slowly backed away to retrieve cream and sugar. There was some gray hair there, taking her sweet time. She might have been mixing her coffee or, equally likely, she might have been plotting an ambush. I quickly reevaluated the tactical situation, calculating that this elderly woman was now the greatest present threat to my safety. I maintained a safe distance with my weapon at the ready, all the while scanning the shop for nascent threats — college students, hipsters, young parents and their roaming toddlers were all within strike range. I needed to remain on high alert if I had any chance to escape this viper’s nest. The old woman left without firing on me. I was lucky, this time.