BrickHorn

If there’s one group of people for whom that advice surely won’t backfire, it’s all the husbands posting on TexAgs!

As I walk through the battlefield of life, I make sure to always train my laser site on the vitals of the nearest threat. Yesterday, for example, I grabbed a coffee from a local shop. My red dot hovered on the barista’s forehead the entire time I was ordering. You can never be too careful. When the transaction was over, I reached for the cup with my free hand while careful to keep the muzzle pointed at my potential murderer behind the counter, and then slowly backed away to retrieve cream and sugar. There was some gray hair there, taking her sweet time. She might have been mixing her coffee or, equally likely, she might have been plotting an ambush. I quickly reevaluated the tactical situation, calculating that this elderly woman was now the greatest present threat to my safety. I maintained a safe distance with my weapon at the ready, all the while scanning the shop for nascent threats — college students, hipsters, young parents and their roaming toddlers were all within strike range. I needed to remain on high alert if I had any chance to escape this viper’s nest. The old woman left without firing on me. I was lucky, this time.

Yep. We made it so that many Americans have nothing left to lose, then armed them.

We need to harden the food court.

Pretty sure Jesus said the same thing.

Planning on it.

The robots have only one weakness: they can’t draw hands.

TIL that Pluto has the first season of Mike Judge’s Beavis and Butthead available to stream on demand.

He was not. He literally thought you could see color on a sonogram image.

I hate Twizzler Nazis.

This is America’s most prominent collision of cross-dressing and fascism since J Edgar Hoover.

He is embarrassingly dumb. Years ago, his show had a discussion about cuckolds getting stuck with child support for other dudes’ kids. One of the panelists told a story (probably urban myth) about a white guy who got stuck paying for his white girlfriend’s baby that, they realized at birth, was half-black. Maher was stunned and asked “Didn’t they see the baby was black on the sonogram?” When his guests politely ignored that idiotic question and tried to steer the discussion to something less stupid, he interrupted and asked again, as if he was making an insightful point instead of an ass of himself.

In my experience, this is true of first generation Indian-Americans. And it’s true irrespective of their US political leanings. Which is fucking depressing, if you ask me.

They already make a riding floor waxer.

They also have a Rifftrax channel.

Read this book. Republicans have not “given up” on democracy and majority rule. They’ve been actively undermining it for decades. The fascinating thing about Trumpism is it’s actually a democratic opposition movement that was so god damned dumb, it jumped in on the side of its oppressors.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. The solution to our nation’s gun violence problem is more, not fewer, guns. Study after study reveals that the vast majority of gun deaths involve only one or a few firearms. In such situations, bullets are able to fly unimpeded. To prevent potentially deadly rounds from reaching their targets, we need an arsenal of guns firing non-stop to fill the air with so many bullets that the ambient atmosphere becomes an impenetrable slurry of hot lead. It’s the only way to protect our children.

Your golf buddies sound like fucking idiots.

I guarantee you that kid’s parents think the gravest threat to American children is books about racism or gender issues.

You’re remembering back to a time when “gun nut” referred to hunters, who viewed firearms as a tool of their trade/hobby. They exercised caution around guns, the same way a welder wears a visor or a woodworker uses the safety guard on a table saw. Gun nuts now are grown up versions of Ralphie from Christmas Story, enamored with childish cowboys-and-Indians gun fantasies. To this generation of enthusiasts, guns are no mere tool. Guns are an embodiment of their imagined identity, of the kind of Hollywood action hero they wish they were. Brandishing a gun makes them feel powerful and important and brave. When they pose holding a gun the way they see fictional badasses do on screen, they feel as if THEY are that badass. Safety be damned - they’re the hero of their own narrative and waving a sexy ass semiauto pistol around is what heroes do to show everyone how badass they are. Gun culture is an escapist drug for emotionally stunted losers and it’s killing our republic.

Well, your judgment has a certain appeal to it. And I have to believe the coaching staff is pleading with Wright to stay.

Hopefully, Charles Wright won’t transfer for convenience.

I don’t have any complaints about Charles Wright. He answered the bell in a tough venue, exploited pre-snap motion, and served admirably. I don’t recall any procedure penalties while he was on the field. My summary judgment is Wright was a great discovery by the staff and I hope he will stay. I don’t think his performance today will result in another QB’s removal, but obviously that’s outside of my jurisdiction.

That’s as brave as promising to match any charitable contribution by the Trump Org.