Most of this just sound like incompatibility but neither side wants to admit it.
My wife and I never argue, because we share the same values. We both agree on what is a "big deal" and what is just bullshit. Neither of us is too fussed about being neat freaks, but we don't live like pigs, either. If the trash needs to go out, we just take it out. My ex-wife would make a scene and act like the sky is falling, but would never take the trash out herself, heaven forbid. Neither my wife nor I have expectations that we require the other to live up to, other than normal shit like don't be an asshole. She can eat crackers in bed and I don't bat an eye. I can rip ass in the living room and she laughs instead of acting like I killed a child.
We like doing activities together, like going to estate sales, or playing at Top Golf and shit. But she isn't interested in going to college wrestling with me, and I'm not going to those dreadful christmas choir shows she likes. There's a nice balance. We don't have to spend 100% of our waking lives together, it's ok to do shit on your own.