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Sandman

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Everything posted by Sandman

  1. Sandman
    My ex would just blurt out declarations: "I sure am thirsty...". I would tell her to go get a drink. Finally I said "If you were to just ask nicely, I'd be happy to get you a drink. Why can't you do that???". As long as I'm not in the middle of something like a chore or an important phone call, I don't mind getting up and getting my wife a drink or a snack. Use your fucking words!
  2. Sandman
    My wife pulled one of my ex-wife's moves, which really set me off. "We need to take the garbage out". "WE??? ", I said. What do you mean "we?". You can take it out whenever you'd like, if you think it needs to go. I think she caught on to why I was immediately defensive, but I dropped it and it didn't get mentioned again. Fuck, was I triggered.
  3. Sandman
    After my kids graduated high school, I tried to get my wife to consider the idea of moving away for retirement, eventually. She did that thing I hate, which is act like she was seriously considering what I was saying, before steadfastly refusing because she doesn't want to be that far from her elderly mom. I delicately said that, by the time we're going to be moving, her mom and my own father will be long gone and it won't matter. That didn't help at all. But now it's a moot point, as I now have two grandchildren who live within 5 miles of my house. My kids aren't going anywhere, which means I'm pretty much stuck. Thanks for nothing, grandkids.
  4. Sandman
    At the office yesterday and at about 3:30 or so, I'm feeling the urge. Not a liquid attack, just that I was gonna have to shit soon. I thought "I can make it till I get home". 4:15 comes around and those thoughts were dashed. I had to speed-waddle to the bathroom and unleash a leviathan. I realized at that moment that, if I had rolled the dice on waiting till I got home, I would've shit my pants in the car. Other than times of severe illness, this is the closest I've been to having that happen.
  5. Sandman
    Am I the only one who doesn't give a shit about the new NCAA FB game? I played all the others, along with Madden, NCAA hoops, NHL, etc. over the past 35 years. I still play games now, just not sports games. I just can't escape seeing clips and stories about this new game. And I know I'm not the target audience, I'm 50 years old.
  6. Sandman
    Charley Pride's version of Me & Bobby McGee is the best. F the haters.
  7. Sandman
    I was told that once you hit 50, going to Branson is mandatory. Are you saying I've been lied to???
  8. Sandman
    We've been discussing vacation options and I found some good flight deals to Chicago in Sept/Oct. She says that will interfere with our trip to Branson in December, which makes no sense, but whatever. I drop it. She comes back 10 minutes later and proudly exclaims that she found EVEN CHEAPER flights to Chicago.....in February. I said would you like to take a stab at why they might be so cheap? It took her a minute but she figured it out. I then asked why going 2 months before our Branson trip was bad but going 2 months afterwards was ok and she had nothing. I think it was because going to Chicago is my idea and not hers, which makes it somehow less good.
  9. Sandman
    If a sporting event is on free/OTA TV, why do I need a cable/dish subscription to watch the stream online? If I was at home watching TV, I could watch it free. But because I want to watch the stream online, I need to be paying hundreds of dollars a month in cable fees??
  10. Sandman
    I got a decent quote recently, but they want to double my wind and hail deductible to 2%. Fuck that shit, I'll stay where I'm at for now.
  11. Sandman
    Got to work today and I hear a woman in the hallway say to someone "You working hard or barely working?". First, she got the saying wrong, it should be "hardly working". Second, it's 7:30 in the fucking morning, nobody is working hard yet. Most people don't even walk in until 7:55.
  12. Sandman
    At Costco today, the wife is looking at a zip up jacket: "Oh look, it has a lid" It has a what now?? "I mean a hood!"
  13. Sandman
    My buddy and I were talking about Jim Croce and how great he was and it fucking irks me that my ex-wife is the one who really got me into his music. So every time I start up the playlist, the words "fucking bitch" slip out under my breath.
  14. Sandman
    About 12 or so years ago, our HR lady "retired" after word got back from one of her many conferences she would attend. The company called and asked that she not return because she would show up to the buffet spread they provided and instantly make 3-4 plates of food to take home to her husband. She would do this every time she went to one of these things and I guess they finally had enough of it. She was way past her retirement threshold (state job) and they told her to quietly GTFO.
  15. Sandman
    Working at the county jail years ago, sometimes you'd get assigned to the medical clinic, which was super cush. Some of the guys would get bored and the best prank was when you'd wait till the officer on watch would step out for a minute, then put Vaseline on the pod office phone receiver and sneak into the nurse's station. Once the officer got back at the desk, you give him a call and wait. "13B, this is Watson---FUCK!!!!". I always looked at the phone when I picked it up, in case some dirty-eared fucker had been using it, so I never got hit.
  16. Sandman
    My homeowner's insurance went up another $500. My house is around 50 years old and I'm paying $3700 a year. My coworker (we live in OK and are in different counties) told me he pays under $2000 for his nearly new house, so I got an online quote from his place. $3550 for them. He said his girlfriend has a bigger, newer house and pays $2100 with Progressive. I got their quote and it was $3111. I got an online quote from Amica, $6700!!!! What the actual fuck??
  17. Sandman
    PM sent
  18. Sandman
    We got married at my mother in law's church, where she was a board member for many years. Cost was $0. Everyone involved was old friends of my wife's family, they were eager to help for next to nothing. The cake was either free or less than $100, I can't remember. Catered BBQ for the reception, nothing fancy. Nazarene wedding, so no booze or band or anything. The biggest expense was her dress, which was $600. I think we did the whole thing-wedding and reception-for under $5k. Just celebrated our 15th anniversary, so I guess we did ok.
  19. Sandman
    They upgraded the lighting in the bathroom at my office building. Brand new LEDs everywhere. Now it looks like when you're in a strip club at closing time and they flip on the lights and tell you to GTFO. Everything looks run down and trashy and you're wondering why you're in there.
  20. Sandman
  21. Sandman
    When I met my ex-wife (1999), she didn't have a bank account. She would go buy money orders to pay all of her bills. Why I didn't acknowledge this red flag and walk away shall ever remain a mystery.
  22. Sandman
    Hey, jealousy.
  23. Sandman
    Iowa's coach is Tom Brands, who wrestled at Iowa. Their former coach Dan Gable was an ISU guy, though.
  24. Sandman
    I think niche sports will have to be funded by a major benefactor. OSU wrestling just got a big $$$ commitment from the guy that owns Paycom, he's a former wrestler and just wants to see the sport thrive. I bet there's a rich Clone out there that won't let ISU cut wrestling.
  25. Sandman
    I can siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

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