I'm letting things add up and weigh on me. Why? I KNOW it doesn't have to be like this.
I am allowing my job to affect my peace of mind. I thought I was over this shit for a few years, I don't know why I'm all of the sudden falling into this trap that I made for myself. I want to let shit roll of my back but I can't. I was doing so well with that, too.
My brother-in law's sudden passing in January is still heavy on my mind. It's making me think back to my mother's sudden passing, 14 years ago. I spent a week in the hospital last fall and now, every time I have an ache or pain, I just assume that my time is up, just like Mom and BIL. WTF?
I just feel overwhelmed, I don't even know how to have fun anymore, it seems. I sold my project car last week, I was pretty much done with it and it was just sitting there in the driveway. Now I want something else but I can't find what I want, or I find something way out of my budget and I just want to give up and never bother trying to do anything. My poor wife tries to be supportive but I know she's at a loss. I just want to run down the street as fast as I can, yelling like a viking berserker. I'm angry and scared. I don't know why.