Judge Roybeanbag

Bit of a threadjack but... When I was 14, I started working for this old Czech farmer who happened to be the cheapest tightwad bastard I think I ever met in my life. I liked him, but most of his stuff was held together with duct tape and bailing wire. He had a nice house and yard fenced off from the surrounding pastures, probably about an acre and a half or thereabouts which I would mow when we weren't tied up working in his rice fields. Which was OK when the John Deere riding mower was working. Well wouldn't you know, something went wrong with the riding mower, and being the cheap bastard that he was he didn't want to haul it the 20 miles to El Campo to get it fixed. So, guess who had to mow the whole fucking thing with a push mower. To add insult to injury his manner of saying certain things was lacking. He'd say "Well we don't got any field work tomorrow, I think I'll let you mow the yard." Gee thanks I feel so privileged. Well after I think the 3rd time I mowed the fucking monstrosity with the push mower, I realized "hey this motherfucker is never going to get pay to get his riding mower fixed, as long as I'm push mowing." So while I was in a part of the yard he couldn't see down by the little creek, I opened up the oil fill and carefully put a few or maybe more than a few tablespoons of nice black dirt in there. About 10 minutes later - "Hey boss, the push mower shit the bed!" The next week he had the riding mower fixed. Because it was cheaper than buying a new push mower. Thanks for listening to my Ted talk.

Luke Duke lives in a trailer behind the bar. It’s his mother in laws trailer, and I think she is also ROFLBOXs onion growing sister.

Since it's OU week, portrait title: Stonie Clark for you young folks:

Sort of, at least while she was looking. I'm pretty sure no matter what I did, after I left the kitchen she went back and re-did everything to her satisfaction. Which to me is kind of the whole point - if someone is going to criticize and then re-do something I've already done, what's the point of me doing it in the first place? Welcome to marriage. One time when we were cleaning up I had washed an item that couldn't go into the dishwasher and she actually asked "did you wash that with soap and hot water?" I gave her the Tommy Jones look and replied "No I just spit on the dirty spots and wiped it real good." I think she actually believed me.

To be fair I have health care coverage, I was referring to universal healthcare. I should just be glad I have a job and shut up.

Still don’t have healthcare.

Why can’t you work at providing healthcare and life changing shit here at home? Fuck Africa. Do I look like Sally fucking Struthers and have Sarah McClaughlin shooting out of my dick? Sorry, I’ll get back to washing dishes.

People fuck, news at 11….

I still can’t get over this. There are kids coming over the border because their parents can’t afford to buy them tortillas, and we are putting decorations in storage units. Happy fucking Hanukkah indeed.

Brisket lives in a cul de sac and has a spiral staircase. Dudes been running in circles. Arrest that man!

You need a separate bay for the fake tits, then you’re all set.

You keep decorations in a fucking storage unit? I’m apparently doing Amurica wrong.

like I said, I’m still washing the damned dishes, but I feel good.

Had a bit of a moment this morning. I was making olive relish for muffulettas . I got lectured on how to wash dishes and realized you know what, the moment you criticize something I’m doing, it’s yours. Don’t like it? Do it yourself. I’m still washing dishes but I feel better about it.

Thing is, brother, there would be no conflict if one shithead state stayed within their borders. Russia started this shit, they can deal with the consequences.

If anyone gets free healthcare, nobody will ever work again!

Artisan jerky, yep. I checked that box.

You’ve never made sausage then. Like really made sausage.

You don’t want too much saltpeter in your shit, bro.

If she’s anti immigrant and basically anti American, no problem, she will vote Republican just like you and everyone else in Texas.

Sorry thought this was the stupid wives thread for a sec.

The beautiful thing about all of it is, nobody works except for me. She hasn’t worked since 1998. Still thinks she knows everything.

Good for you. In the meantime I’m having a conversation with my spouse. She hates our immigration policy. Frankly she just hates immigrants. Why should my tax dollars pay for that. I try to tell her why. I try to explain that someone else’s 3 year old kid is the exact same 3 year old kid she loves. Nope. Other 3 year olds suck and can die because they weren’t born here.

I still have that thing somewhere.

Aw right. I still don’t like the both sides are the same bullshit. They aren’t at all. One is dark. The other is less dark. It’s not even close .