I spent today in the hospital with my closest childhood friend. He is in late stage kidney failure. Looks like a skeleton with a giant bloated belly. Only 41 years old. It is just him and his older brother who is left picking up the pieces. I had to explain to him that he is terminal and needs to commit to a DNR. There is no way out. He was still in the addict mentality that it will get better. The cake is baked. All anyone wants is for him to die in piece and not in a sterile hospital. Helped the older brother get hospice setup and he should get moved to his house tomorrow. Absolutely brutal situation.
I spent years trying to get him into treatment. A year ago I explained exactly what would happen if he didn't get treatment. He called me after I got back home today and admitted he should have listened. I think he finally realizes he is in the last days on this earth.
I am devastated but also angry. At myself and at him. I hate these feelings. He is an amazing person, but couldn't mister the strength to fight his demons. I am just left wondering if I had somehow forced him to go what could have been.
Fuuuuck.