Feeling a mix of pride and a bit of heartache tonight. For the first time in 22 years, my oldest daughter (no pics) isn't home for Christmas.
You all might remember Christmas season in 2022, cold/ice everywhere and a lot of electricity outages. As a young family, with no family closer than 3 hours, the three of us were in quite a spot in our apartment with no electricity and no wood for a fireplace we had never used. Our daughter was always small, barely up to 15 pounds in her fifth month(December) on Earth. Living in Great Hills, fprtunately not at the bottom of the hill, only the Randall's was open. I made the slow trek to pick up a cord, which they fortunately still had, slipping and sliding along the way. The wife and baby were huddled up in the living room. We had placed her in the car seat covered in blankets, trying that delicate balance of warming her without overheating. Starting that fire and, with the fire light, looking over my wife and daughter was a relief I had never experienced.
I had, in less than a year, gone from: 1) waking up hungover on the ground in the parking lot of some unnamed New Orleans business during Mardi Gras 2)almost losing the baby and mother that same month 3)to manufacturing warmth for my young family of 3 when they needed me most.
That was a small leap of responsibility for a 22 year old, who largely defined himself a failure. I have been far from perfect but gotten the job done. She accepts my failures and she has always thrived despite them. She has made a black and white world full of color and inspired me to fight the alcoholic demon. She changed my life and I was smart enough to let her.
Long gone are the days of building toys all night while worrying if I got her enough or the right toy. I've never felt enough especially during Christmas, though she has assured me time and time again that I am.
My daughter graduated from college last May and has started her career as a nurse. This Christmas, she's working the night shift, taking care of transplant patients who need her. Though a new nurse, she has already received a number of notes of recognition from her colleagues.
It's a strange feeling not having her here, but I'm incredibly proud of her dedication and the compassionate person she's become. While I miss her presence, knowing she's out there making a difference brings me a lot of comfort.
Sometimes, it's the little things like these that remind us how much our children grow and how proud we are of them. And, maybe, you might know that you were good enough for your children.
To all the nurses, healthcare and essential workers out there, thank you for your dedication and sacrifice. To my amazing daughter, know that you're always in my heart, especially tonight.
Surly, Wishing you and yours a wonderful Christmas!