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Longhornstampede

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Everything posted by Longhornstampede

  1. Every time I see Sam Darnold I can't help but think he probably does a pretty good O face guy impersonation
  2. But do they still have the Okie on the menu?
  3. I didn't know hippos enjoyed taco bell too
  4. It's missing the Zombie Response Team stickers!
  5. I've already punched my ticket for this year. Almost had an encore at work today. Shoving my jeans downward as I'm rotating and lowering myself into the seat. About 4 inches above the seat the thrusters came on. I swear I felt my descent slowed down as I settled into the seat. Kind of felt like the SpaceX booster landing.
  6. Better than sloppy seconds
  7. Thank you. And congrats on the book!
  8. Like landing a C-5 in the Grand Canyon
  9. She always had this little smile on her face when she slept
  10. My boner is not of the strangest variety....it's just a boner
  11. Why can't car companies install a belt driven alternator/generator that recharges the batteries while it's running? Im sure someone smarter than me knows that answer by now.
  12. How hot is ADHD kid's mom?
  13. Oh come on now!!! No one could have pulled off Genghis Khan like the Duke!
  14. The answer is ALWAYS tree-fiddy
  15. I can't help you...
  16. Dos palabras...
  17. Not my worst but one of the more unusual shits I've taken. On hwy 90 between Uvalde and Brackettville '88 or '89 around 1030pm. Pulling out of Uvalde I felt some pressure but figured I could hold it off for the last hour of the drive. Nope. It started getting critical but I didn't want to pull over on the side of the road because by then it was well known that illegals were all over the place in the brush along the road. I was able to hold out long enough to reach the big double bridge that crosses the Nueces and no one could approach the truck. It has a decent size shoulder so I pull over, drp trou and squat with my back against the side of the truck for support. Dad always told me to keep a roll behind the seat just in case. And this was just the case. I finish my business and as I get back in the truck a DPS trooper pulls up. He asks why I was stopped on the bridge. I explained my reasoning and offered to show him the evidence. He said that's ok, just be safe getting home. After I pulled off I'm sure he could see the giant Hershey kiss looking dookie I had left on the shoulder of the bridge. Since I had thrown my tp over the guardrail I was laughing that he might think I hadn't wiped! Worst was sitting on the beach in Puerto Peñasco back in the 90s before it had become the tourist town it is now. I had a huge shrimp cocktail for lunch. Later on sitting on the beach molten lava began rumbling. No porta potties in sight. I penguin walked out into the water where it was almost chest high. Removed my trunks and proceeded to make my own shark repellent. Swam away from the cloud to clean up in clearer water. Slipped my trunks back on and went back to my towel on the sand.
  18. Hopefully it didn't get pearl necklaced
  19. That room it is in looks kind of um, shall we say like a dungeon
  20. For the last two weeks I've been talking to doctors, nurses and physician's assistants about my stool color, and consistency about as casually as talking about a scratch on the back of my hand.
  21. Wordle 267 3/6 ⬜🟩⬜🟨⬜ 🟩⬜⬜🟩⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
  22. Whole lotta llama going on....
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