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Longhornstampede

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Everything posted by Longhornstampede

  1. Best interview in months!
  2. Trying to figure out what they are advertising here....
  3. Geezuz fuck! That is fucking terrifying to see all those people so close to it. GTFO is definitely the right action but is 1 to 2 miles enough?
  4. I hope the sex with your wives is as stupid good as they are stupid. Y'all married some idiots
  5. I can guarandamntee you that 30 minutes earlier a good number of the idiots in that golden corral were in church praising and worshipping....
  6. Have you ever been to a Cheddars?
  7. The french occasionally referred to orgasm as La Petit Mort.... This one was not so Petit
  8. And there isn't a damn thing wrong with that (trying not to be creepy here, but...)
  9. He technically could only play the bugle. He can't press the valves
  10. I can see daylight. Time to drink!
  11. Lewdle 10 3/6 ⬛🟨⬛🟨⬛ ⬛🟩⬛🟨🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 😂😂😂 Don't be $⋕*! Play the original Wordle too! https://www.lewdlegame.com/
  12. Wordle 222 3/6 🟩⬜🟩⬜⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟨⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
  13. I wouldn't wear a mask around that...
  14. 10 handicap. I guess I don't know if AR doesn't live somewhere with a nice golf course but I assumed he would
  15. Polio didn't mutate like the flu and covid do
  16. Suggests...and likely.....not exactly solid words there
  17. Smells like bleach?
  18. Humblebrag?
  19. Got my ticket punched last night. Don't know what set it off because the only thing I ate all day was a pb&j and some cranberry juice, water and a sprite zero. So there I was, freshly showered and sitting on the couch in my PJ pants and t shirt. Just finished setting up my new phone which had been delivered today, feeling proud of myself. Like I said, I hadn't had anything disturbing to eat all day so when I felt a little pressure on the back door T&P valve I thought nothing of it. I leaned a little bit and gave a slight push to release some gas. To my horror my winking pink brownie cake burped up a dollop of intestinal lava and I went into code red mode. I shot up off the couch and headed straight for the shitter. Still not feeling like I was having an episode I figured I'd wipe up a bit, jump back in the shower and put fresh clothes on. I dropped my drawers, sat down and saw the brown speckled stain on my underwear between my feet. Something about my ass cheeks hitting that toilet seat triggered a response from my ass that can best be described as the Tonga assplosion in reverse. I spent the next several minutes pissing out of my ass. When I was pretty certain it was done I showered and got dressed. As I walked into the living room I see the evidence marking the cushion. FUCK! Thank god the wife wasn't home and I thank him even more for letting us have stain resistant material. A wet cloth and a tiny bit of carpet cleaner and WALLAH! All cleaned up. When she got home she asked about the wet spot on the couch. I casually said I spilled a little rum and coke while I was having a drink and she called me a dumbass and laughed. This morning the spot is dry and nary a trace of shart. At this moment I have soiled clothes in the washing machine. Can't believe I went all the way thru 2021 clean and can't even get out of January 2022.
  20. Shart Fuel
  21. Wordle 219 5/6 ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜🟨🟨 🟨🟨⬜⬜⬜ ⬜🟨🟩⬜🟨 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Got REALLY fucking lucky on that 5th try
  22. Cele’s children, who are all in their 30s, still live in Dallas. Her daughter, Bonner Acker, is an avid equestrian Hmmm...?
  23. Free bonus football!!!
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