Got my ticket punched last night. Don't know what set it off because the only thing I ate all day was a pb&j and some cranberry juice, water and a sprite zero.
So there I was, freshly showered and sitting on the couch in my PJ pants and t shirt. Just finished setting up my new phone which had been delivered today, feeling proud of myself. Like I said, I hadn't had anything disturbing to eat all day so when I felt a little pressure on the back door T&P valve I thought nothing of it. I leaned a little bit and gave a slight push to release some gas. To my horror my winking pink brownie cake burped up a dollop of intestinal lava and I went into code red mode. I shot up off the couch and headed straight for the shitter. Still not feeling like I was having an episode I figured I'd wipe up a bit, jump back in the shower and put fresh clothes on. I dropped my drawers, sat down and saw the brown speckled stain on my underwear between my feet. Something about my ass cheeks hitting that toilet seat triggered a response from my ass that can best be described as the Tonga assplosion in reverse. I spent the next several minutes pissing out of my ass.
When I was pretty certain it was done I showered and got dressed. As I walked into the living room I see the evidence marking the cushion. FUCK! Thank god the wife wasn't home and I thank him even more for letting us have stain resistant material. A wet cloth and a tiny bit of carpet cleaner and WALLAH! All cleaned up. When she got home she asked about the wet spot on the couch. I casually said I spilled a little rum and coke while I was having a drink and she called me a dumbass and laughed. This morning the spot is dry and nary a trace of shart. At this moment I have soiled clothes in the washing machine.
Can't believe I went all the way thru 2021 clean and can't even get out of January 2022.