Jump to content

Longhornstampede

Legacy Members
  • Posts

    2765
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Longhornstampede

  1. I wouldn't wear a mask around that...
  2. 10 handicap. I guess I don't know if AR doesn't live somewhere with a nice golf course but I assumed he would
  3. Polio didn't mutate like the flu and covid do
  4. Suggests...and likely.....not exactly solid words there
  5. Smells like bleach?
  6. Humblebrag?
  7. Got my ticket punched last night. Don't know what set it off because the only thing I ate all day was a pb&j and some cranberry juice, water and a sprite zero. So there I was, freshly showered and sitting on the couch in my PJ pants and t shirt. Just finished setting up my new phone which had been delivered today, feeling proud of myself. Like I said, I hadn't had anything disturbing to eat all day so when I felt a little pressure on the back door T&P valve I thought nothing of it. I leaned a little bit and gave a slight push to release some gas. To my horror my winking pink brownie cake burped up a dollop of intestinal lava and I went into code red mode. I shot up off the couch and headed straight for the shitter. Still not feeling like I was having an episode I figured I'd wipe up a bit, jump back in the shower and put fresh clothes on. I dropped my drawers, sat down and saw the brown speckled stain on my underwear between my feet. Something about my ass cheeks hitting that toilet seat triggered a response from my ass that can best be described as the Tonga assplosion in reverse. I spent the next several minutes pissing out of my ass. When I was pretty certain it was done I showered and got dressed. As I walked into the living room I see the evidence marking the cushion. FUCK! Thank god the wife wasn't home and I thank him even more for letting us have stain resistant material. A wet cloth and a tiny bit of carpet cleaner and WALLAH! All cleaned up. When she got home she asked about the wet spot on the couch. I casually said I spilled a little rum and coke while I was having a drink and she called me a dumbass and laughed. This morning the spot is dry and nary a trace of shart. At this moment I have soiled clothes in the washing machine. Can't believe I went all the way thru 2021 clean and can't even get out of January 2022.
  8. Shart Fuel
  9. Wordle 219 5/6 ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜🟨🟨 🟨🟨⬜⬜⬜ ⬜🟨🟩⬜🟨 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 Got REALLY fucking lucky on that 5th try
  10. Cele’s children, who are all in their 30s, still live in Dallas. Her daughter, Bonner Acker, is an avid equestrian Hmmm...?
  11. Free bonus football!!!
  12. This is why when our son went off to college I completely moved out of the bathroom attached to our bedroom and into the other bathroom. Now we each manage our own shit. Sometimes literally
  13. Wordle 218 4/6 ⬜🟩⬜⬜⬜ 🟨🟩🟩🟨⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟨⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 First time I've played this. Kept meaning to check out this thread and see what it was about. Glad I did
  14. The Cirque fucking killed today!!!!
  15. He would drop that too
  16. Shes deep in thought trying to figure out what to say, what not to say and when to say it to avoid a beating from that mook. He's deep in thought wondering how he's going to recover next month's rent and car lease payment he blew to attend this shit show.
  17. Her hands bother me for some reason...
  18. Up til 4 am last night. Started drinking again today at 5. I'm playing catch up!
  19. I can't believe there are people still around who are this stupid. You probably watched ESPN Cold Pizza back in the day...
  20. Taint Painted Taint
  21. Bussy..... 🤮
  22. Hahahahaha....shove that Heisman up your ass!!!!
  23. You need to remove the last 4 letters of your username.....you might be triggering yourself
  24. This thread spurred memories of Taco USA from back in the 80s. My best friend and I used to smash a shit ton of food back in Del Rio. My girlfriend at the time worked there and would always sneak extras into the bags. Talk about some good cheap high school kid food! We'd eat there and then walk across Ave F and get a shake a mickey D's and some 39 cent cheeseburgers and walk all over town burning that shit off.
×
×
  • Create New...