Not really lulz or bitching exactly, but today was a son of a bitch. Got in to Tyler with the family and went straight to the hospital where my 90 year old grandfather has been for the last week with pneumonia.
He’s hanging on, the prognosis isn’t terrible exactly, but he was really down and feeling like it was the end for him. And having that conversation with him like it was our last has just completely fucked me up for the entire day and holiday. I have a 5 year old and an almost 2 year old that he adores and they were so fucking sweet with him in the hospital room. We left and went to their grandparents (my dad’s) house and they have just been floating on air with Christmas excitement but I can’t fucking shake how sad I am.
90 years is a good run, but I love that man and I’m not ready. I’ve been blessed to have him be a huge part of my life, for so long. I have his name, and I’m fucking proud of that. My kids are so blissfully unaware of this part of life and are in prime Christmas years and I want to be present and soaking it in with them but I’ve just been outside of myself all day.
I can’t sleep and I’ve had a little too much bourbon and I’m posting on a message board like it’s therapy but this just really sucks.