Agreed the Canary Row in Monterey is tourist Hell, but the Aquarium is world class. It's huge, and if you have the time you can literally spend the whole day there. Great place. Renting kayaks at Monterey Bay and going out the kelp fields right outside the Aquarium is not to be missed, particularly if you want to see otters close up.
Carmel is indeed pretty, though it's expensive and heavy on the art galleries and fine dining. But it's generally peaceful, even when overrun by tourists.
Sunset at Carmel Beach, or Carmel River Beach, on a nice evening is really fantastic.
Point Lobos is an amazing spot, even if you are only interested in short hikes. You need to get there early, as it gets full quickly. Bring lunch as there's nothing else around. Probably some of the prettiest coast line anywhere on the US Pacific. Fight me for it.
The 17 mile drive is fine, if perhaps overrated - I think you can do your own self-guided drive around the Asilomar area and have as much fun. Be sure to stop occasionally and climb out on the rocks, looking for tide pools.
Frankly, there are less crowds in Pacific Grove, though it's not as fancy, and the food may be better. Fishwife is a good casual place, Passionfish more upscale. Reservations for both are required unless you like waiting.