Completely agree, and weighing in with my own experience that provides some empathy for MC Fresh Breath.
I have a gay daughter, who came out to me the summer before 8th grade (2019). It was really no surprise. I kinda suspected it, and I can't exactly explain why. She had never seemed into boys, but at that age many girls aren't yet, and she never outwardly expressed an attraction to girls. Still, I just had this intuition as a parent, and when she told me she was gay, it just felt right and true for her, and I never questioned it. I even teared up because I was so happy for her and so proud that she was able to tell me (and not to brag, but she told me before her mom).
But, about 8 months or so before her coming out, I was having a conversation with my then-wife in which we both agreed that our daughter was probably gay. It was just parental wonder, and we certainly weren't going to approach her about it. But then she asked me, "What if she's transgender, and comes to us saying she's a boy?" For two bleeding heart libs, at the time that seemed like a huge emotional leap for us, and neither of us had any comfort level with that possibility. We actually have a trans friend who had come out a couple years earlier in her mid 40s, but that was our only personal experience with the trans community, and we were still adjusting to that.
So, I totally understand the parental anxiety that comes with a child seemingly changing their own identity, of losing the idea of the daughter or son that you birthed, raised, and knew for so long. And I also appreciate troph's recognition of that, while at the same time her perspective that the years of pain felt by her and those around her can be far greater than the parents' sense of loss.
I wish there was more love and understanding to go around these days.