This is a difficult topic, as almost all of my family is equally embarrassing. As I have mentioned in other threads, my mother's side of the family is a complete trainwreck.
My maternal Grandmother had 4 children, whom she decided to name Sherry, Jerry, Garry, and Larry. My maternal Grandfather died at a young age from chronic alcoholism. There are too many grandkids and great grandkids to count, but they are all equally fucked up in their own right. 3 People in this family have managed to get a college degree, me, my son, and my daughter. The rest of the lot still reside in various parts of Ellis County, so beware when you travel through that area.
Sherry - the oldest of the lot is a total Bible thumper with 3 children. She and her husband own the compound where several family members towed their homes to live. She has a set of 350lb female twins and an openly gay son who she disowned when he came out as an 18 year old at the family Thanksgiving dinner.
Jerry - My mother...married 7 times, but single and lived with her mother and Garry for the last 15 years of her life. Over the years, she managed to talk me out of over $100K in loans, which I never saw a penny of. The last of the money was given to her before Christmas in 2007, so she could buy presents for my kids. My son got a book and a backpack, my daughter got a JC Penney's dress, and my mother bought herself a $400 digital camera to record the whole event. The irony of the camera purchase is that she did not own a computer to download the pics.
Garry - The real gem of the group, a raging Redneck and Bigot. He has never held a steady job, and lived with his mother for over 30 years of his adult life. When his mother passed away, it took Garry a whole 3 weeks to fall asleep while smoking and burn the beloved trailer house down. He now lives on the compound, in a travel trailer that he affectionately refers to as the "Pussy Palace." Garry is an alcoholic, and a pot head. He inherited the above mentioned trailer when his mother died. After the fire, he was given a little over $30K in insurance money (this was a really nice place. LOL) He spent most of the money on pot and budweiser, but managed to save enough to purchase a used 24' travel trailer as his dream dwelling. His son spent 14 years in the state prison, for manufacturing and selling meth. My brother was one of his main customers.
Larry - Looks like Bozo, but with black hair. Worthless as the rest of the family, but somehow thinks he is above them. He has been on disability for about 20 years, though none of know exactly why.
I will try and come back later and post a few Uncle Garry stories.