Devil Horn

I had been on a 3 week bender because I was just tired and didn't care. I miss my wife severely, lost her to cancer. Easter was a trigger.It just hit me out of the blue. I am about 40 hours from stopping completely and it is Hell. I'm starting to have some mild hallucinations of birds flying around my room. I have been drinking sugar free powerade to keep me hydrated. Any ideas to get out of this? I've been to the hospital for this before. I don't want to be hours and hours waiting. I need a lift up.

I really appreciate the replies. The trigger for me was Mother's Day. I lost a gorgeous and extremely kind wife to cancer when she was in her late 30's. She was in the shape of her life, diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer, and gone in 8 months. It came out of nowhere. It was a shot gun blast to my chest. I had known her since we were teenagers. I was left with 3 children to raise on my own. Mother's Day is a somber affair, especially since my own Mother is in declining health. Things had been crushing down on me the past few months for other issues as well. It snuck up on me. I've been through rehab and hospital stays. It didn't get to the excess of before because I stopped it. I'm jonesing and going through withdrawal. There are no DTs. It's not as severe as before. My mind just races back to previous experiences like PTSD. Withdrawal is Hell. I never thought I would be going through it again.

I fell off the wagon, coming down right now. I'm extremely angry at myself. I could use a kick in the ass and encouragement right now. I've been down this road several times before. I'm safe and harbor no dangerous thoughts to myself. I'm just really pissed that this crap has happened again. I have a lot to live for and many people that depend on me. I've got to suck it up and get through this bullshit. I'm physically and mentally feeling absolutely horrible. This feels like going through Hell. Hook'em.

Going through some painful withdrawals, this is really bad. The nausea and dry heaving is horrific. I haven't had a drink since 9 am this morning. How in the hell am I going to get through the afternoon. I feel like I'm going to die.

I've been through detox several times in hospitals. I went to through rehab about five months ago. I am responsible for my own self. I own the fact that I have a problem. It has been two steps forward and a big step back. I take responsibility. I am in a big fight for my life. I have a lot to live for. This demon will not take me. I'm very tired but I have tons of fight. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your responses. HOOK'EM!

I lost my absolutley darling wife to cancer within one year of diagnosis. She was only 38 yrs old. I had known her since she was 14 yrs old. She gave me the precious gift of three children, including a Longhorn son on the 40 acres right now. I was her protector and couldn't save her. I blazed through the past years forging forward and concentrating on raising my children. I have always had a propensity for being a hard drinking and hard living person. In the past couple of years I feel like the bottom has dropped out. I miss my wife dearly.

I'm on a bender, I need some encouragement. I've checked out a bit, hate the way I am. Last night was pitch black and devastating. I don't want to hurt anymore.