Had my weekly visit with my therapist yesterday. I was a little hesitant to opening up when I first started seeing her, but man does she get to hear all (well most) of it now.
I thought I had an ok week. It was definitely better than the week before where I just fell apart but not near 100%. After seeing me for ~2 months now, she talked my case over with her supervisor and they think what I'm lacking is some maternal caring in my relationships with either my mother or wife. My mom.. yeah, she's my mom. She's a nitpicker, never been the lovey dovey kind. My wife.. her parents got divorced when she was like 6. She saw her dad off and on until she was about 10 or 11 and then that was it. No more child support, no more visits, no cards, no calls, no nothing. Her maternal grandfather was the only close male relative she had growing up. He could be a hard man - loved you but quite demanding. They've joked over the years that she married her grandfather. I don't see myself as hard as him (100% honest, I'm just not) but I can see some of his traits. Therapist and I have decided that I have this hyperfocus thing going on. I'll move on from a problem and then start scanning closely for another one. And then hyperfocus on it until something happens, still not sure what. I think eventually I say f it, its not really a problem, it might be a slight issue but nothing major - or I could just find something else that takes its top spot. So she thinks a lot of it is because I do most of everything in our family - I'm the breadwinner, cook, clean, whatever. And the wife, she's the wife. We had some good chats last weekend between the 2 of us. The wife had already sort of noticed this and is doing much better in taking stuff on. So maybe less stress from that will help me not be so GD hyperfocused and anxiety ridden.