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Chooky

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Everything posted by Chooky

  1. It's funny how most of the people who still latch onto to 2017 trend phraseology like beta male, and cuck, and soy boy, think shit like this is what "masculine" resembles. "Saturday is for the boys! Let's totally not be gay like the soy libs and have a dudes only weekend! Knock back some brews, go to the shooting range, pack into the sauna later and moisturize each other's bronzed taints! Fuck yeah, bro!" Tucker is probably so removed from normalcy these days that it's difficult to understand how people work anymore. All he knows is that when his ratings slightly slump he needs to kick out some white nationalist tones to bump things up a bit.
  2. That rapper is a testament to overcoming fetal alcohol syndrome. I don't want to mock the disabled, but that dude's eyes are way too close together. It makes me uncomfortable. Don't let him pet the rabbits.
  3. Especially during an election year.
  4. He makes horrible decisions. He'll be perfect. You'll miss guys like him and that level of erudition when the senate is eventually just a keg party of dudes punching holes in the sheet rock and passing legislation based on who could piss the furthest or light the biggest fart.
  5. I think he was trying to mock "build back better" by saying "bill bah butta." But then it's confusing because the entirety of the statement sounded like variations of "bill bah butta" and "butta bah bill" or "bah butta bill." Sorry. I'm at a loss of ... words. He might just be an idiot. Or I'm an idiot for not deciphering his light speed of thought. Don't get bogged down on nuance. He won the Heisman, which means he'll be a great senator or something. This will open the doors for a senate run for Morris Claiborne and Dexter Manley and Lenny Dykstra. Dexter might be dead, though, and while that sounds like a longshot, it's actually a huge advantage to getting elected these days. And he was illiterate, which makes him pretty much a lock.
  6. When racists mock slavery with an antebellum era cadence it sounds exactly how herschel walker really talks. He's the living version of a racist cartoon in the fifties. If Trump told him to dress like the 'Cream of Wheat' guy he'd do it. I imagine he has felt complimented each time some redneck asshole in Georgia told him he's "one of the good ones."
  7. Homeowner: I'm gonna rearrange your face. Burglar: Lol, but not literally, right? Homeowner: ...
  8. "That's a nice speech but you're still not coming in."
  9. I'm gonna start a line of pillows shaped like a cross and call it "Our Pillow."
  10. You won't find it so amusing when roving bands of frenzied Chicanos hopped up on "grass" kick down your doors seeking to impregnate all of your kin.
  11. You'll be able to detect them anyway because every craven marijuana user is known to maliciously urinate on everything. They refer to this rampant urge to micturate on their own environment as a "groovy thing to do" and "hip." Mandating tests is unnecessary as they are constantly dousing their surroundings with bodily fluids.
  12. Marijuana leads to buying a Gateway personal computer, according to recent statistics.
  13. Outlaw plate tectonics while you're at it. And prosecute anyone who neglects to control their crab grass. And ban Russian thistle. Tumbleweeds can wrap around your drive shaft. Nature has been ignoring our legislation for far too long. Time to make it pay a heavy price.
  14. "If weed is legal someone might try to sell cocaine."
  15. What would all of you here consider an excessive amount of fetuses to have in the house? I have a terrible eye for decor but I'm getting better the older I get. I'll never strive for brilliant because it's just not gonna happen with a novice like myself. I'll settle for quaint or acceptable. When it comes fetuses I'm bold enough to be a tad gauche but I want to avoid critiques such as "horrific" or "atrocity" or "macabre." I emailed this query to Joanna Gaines and immediately got a rude warning about a restraining order. She's clearly too Hollywood these days for the regular people.
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