I wish I had come across this thread sooner. This all feels so personal—dealing with parents, UTIs, hospice care, etc. We said goodbye to my Mom last month, and I still can't write this without getting teary-eyed. I’m constantly aware of how many times a day I think of something to tell my Mom or have a question I wish she could answer.
My brother, who was the first responder by default, because he lived nearby, truly deserves a medal. He, like horn4life, stepped up in so many ways over the years, far beyond what anyone could have expected would be needed. I've never been prouder of him. What I've learned from these past few years is to always expect the unexpected. There isn’t a flow chart or checklist in the world that can guide you perfectly from Point A to Point Z in situations like this. You learn from your mistakes and just hope you didn’t make too many, or worse, do something that impacts your parents' quality of life or hastens their decline.
Now, the challenge we’re facing is that Dad never imagined he would outlive Mom. Everyone is guilty of assuming it would be the other way around. In his 80s now, he's always had bouts of depression throughout his adult life, but now it's worse than ever. I suppose he's earned it in a way. To his credit, he tries to put on a brave face when we're around or on the phone, but he sleeps most of the time and isn’t taking care of himself. My brother, once again, is doing his best. I try to get there as often as I can to relieve him, but as Dad's condition worsens, the odds are getting longer and the days fewer.
Most people don't get to share as many years with both of their parents as I have been gifted. For that, I am grateful beyond words. Regardless, it's not easy to see them finally go.