Ok Wulaaaaw Hooolaaaw Horn, You tell a pretty good story sir, but grab a plate and accept your fate.
My name’s Tex, and it might be a sin, but I’ll take your bet; you’re gonna regret ‘cause I’m the best there’s ever been.
Let me tell you all a little true story that happened this week.
My family and I are sitting at this run down dive buffett place down South minding our own business. Literally just trying to choke down this garbage food, when all the sudden my son yell’s out “fuck you mother fucker”. Now my family has had a damn long day and now we are having to deal with this slop food and this one guy at a table across the way is sitting there coughing up a pandemic with no care in the world.
Just from the look on this guy's face I know he thinks my son is a sociopath, and to tell you the truth at this point in the day I can’t really blame the guy. My son yells out “cover your mouth when you fucking cough or I’m going to go over there and shut your fucking mouth for you.” It’s embarrassing because my son is screaming this at the top of his lungs. My wife and I are stunned and just sitting there staring at this giant plate of bullshit food hoping to make it through dinner without some major issue.
This dude is like 20 feet or so away with his face buried in his phone like a teenage school girl just minding his own business and I doubt he even knew he was coughing up a pandemic. He had snot and mucus dripping from his nose and mouth like a leaking faucet. Every time he coughed he was showering the area in this disgusting combination of germs and slim.
I’m certain he thought we were crazy. We were all wearing these ridiculous LSU windbreakers and matching Tiger caps. You see it was my mother in laws (crazy ass bitch) birthday and she has always been a die hard Tiger fan so my wife gets this fucking nut idea to go around to her favorite all time places and take a family photo dressed as LSU fans. Crazy ass shit right? But what do you do?..................Well anyway it's hotter than hell’s ass, I’m trying to eat this slop food, and I got this stiff over here coughing like he is trying to contaminate the whole state of Texas.
My son has lost his freaking mind. He absolutely hates Lousianna and everything it stands for. The food there is worse than this slop bucket we are eating right now and the party atmosphere there is dog shit boring. The state has a reputation of off the hook debauchery but I myself find it overrun with religion and revival. Every time I go visit my crazy ass mother in law, I am treated like a king and feel like I have entered the mecha of royalty. However, parting with LSU fans in Omaha that year my son played them in the college world series was terrible. Worst fans in the world but when 20k of them came to Austin for that game a few years back I found them quite enjoyable.
I worry about playing them once we join the SEC. I have watched Brian Kelly dance with his recruits and I know we are in trouble. In the meantime I guess I can find solace in beating up on their little brother ULM who truly is the power school of Lousianna.
Oh yeah, that dude at the table…. Come to find out he is some big shot lawyer or mortgage dude from Austin and rumor has it he has a TikTok addiction and the only Dr in the Country that can treat him has an office in Humble Texas of all places. Wait staff at that slop buffett say he comes in two or three times a week just to get away and sits for hours at his table, nose buried in his phone watching TikTok like a fourteen year old school girl.
Beat ULM. First game of the rest of the season I can't wait.
Texas 58
ULM 17
Bijan 158 rushing 2 TD 61 receiving 1 TD
By the way the Mullet throws 3 TD and no INT.
Hook’em Horns!!!