Dertyberd

The hospital post made me choke and reminded me how much I miss you drunks. I stepped away from Surly because I got busy as hell Jan 2020 and needed to spend more time working than fucking around, then all hell broke loose. I'm grateful I managed to have a job and stay sober (3 years now!) through it all. At times it was lonely and surreal, but nothing will ever be as lonely and insane as the final months of my active alcoholism. I'm grateful for the program that taught me to take life on life's terms, and live it one day at a time. It kept me sane, sober, and useful to others and myself during the most difficult year we have collectively suffered through. Not sure how much I'll be on here, but I want you all to know how grateful I am for each and every one of you. I hop on out of the blue and you're still doing the work and helping out. I miss you all and God willing we'll meet in the flesh one day when things are safe again. If you're new here, you can trust any of these folks with your life if you're looking to save your own. Much love, happy days.

I haven't been on the board since mid January, but I must express my sincere gratitude. On January 22 I was blessed with 2 years continuous sobriety. I was also lucky enough to begin a dream job that same day that keeps me working very long hours this time of year. Neither of those would've happened without ya'll and the support of a program. Most importantly on the 26th, when I was busy at work, my brother called me. He called the drunk who couldn't be counted on to show up to Christmas without enough alcohol in my body that you could smell it, during a medical emergency and a ride to the hospital. He lives outside of ambulance service and his wife and neighbors weren't home. He called me, and I answered and was there for him. They shot him up with morphine and sent him home with a bunch of pills to rest. I spent the night and next day with him to make sure he took his heavy pain meds and sedatives. Six bottles of pills placed out on a counter for four or six hour doses, right next to a full bar of the best whiskey you can buy. I was there, checking the time. The same guy he watched lose his mind and jump out of his automobile at 45 mph as he tried to get me to a hospital to detox just a little over two years ago. Me. Maybe not exactly me, but the same DNA, now a completely different person than I was when I was drinking. I did my job as a brother should to take care of my own. The thought of a drink didn't cross my mind. The thought of sneaking a pill didn't cross my mind. None of that hit me until I was on my way home. "Holy shit dude, that would've been a gold mine of a disaster waiting to happen a couple of years ago." Then I thought a little more. He never would've even called me to help two years ago. I would've found out several days after the fact, if at all. Even if I did I probably wouldn't have cared or remembered much. What a fuckin trip. So much so I still pinch myself every once in a while when I stop and think where I came from and what today is like. If you're reading this and aren't sure shit can change, believe it. Tomorrow is not written if you don't let it. I promise you never have to feel like you do right now again. I'm grateful for my two years. I'm lucky to land my dream job. I'm proud to be the calm one in the office nowadays when the shit hits the fan. I've lived crazier stuff than a couple of things going wrong at work. I like to say there are no more big deals in life after getting sober. There are just opportunities to have the best day I can no matter what happens. The truth is there are some big deals. My brother called me, and I was there. Thats a big fucking deal and I'm grateful. Love you all. Happy days. Grateful to be sober for another 24 hours. Edit. My brother is all good. Poor fucker had a 4mm kidney stone he couldn't pass. I kept saying this too shall pass. He kind of thought it was funny.

They're close to the historical norm, but those numbers don't add up the 3rd party candidates. The honorable thing was to work his ass off and use his clout to support the nominee. He did neither. He continued to be a petulant bitch at the convention. His official groups, which I was invited on were run over by Russian bots and fanatics supporting Stein/Johnson etc. Those could've been stopped or cleaned up but the campaign made a choice to fester the anti Hillary bullshit. I have yet to begin working yet as I have been out of the game for 2 years. I'll let you know when I make my decision next week, but it won't be Bernie. I don't know who you voted for, but you sure as shit spreading a dangerous line of thinking. I never said 'you' did, but I saw your ilk infiltrate official forums, FB, and it worked. The digital game is a lot more important than most realize, the Russians new it and exploited it. Your type helped spread foreign bs throughout the last election and gave it a "legitimate" voice. The fact that no one has cleaned that up scares the shit out of me. Who do you think put that bug in Trumps ear to amplify the Bernie stuff. It wasn't the stable genius himself.

It's so fun to troll real life isn't it. Enjoy yourself.

2016 was real, I voted for, organized, donated, and even met Sanders during the primaries. I argued til I was blue in the face that the nominee has to be supported or the consequences would be dire, but the Bernie or "bust" (or Stein/Gary/fuck it I'm mad at Clinton and D's so I'm voting Trump) crowd couldn't do the right thing and save the country from today's madness. I got a call this cycle to again support Sanders, fuck that. Fuck allowing my ideological purity and feelings stand in the way of the long term stability of our republic. He had his chance to do the right and honorable thing and he failed. It has cost us all and we may never get the country back. The link below doesn't even account for the Bernie/Stein purists and Bernie/Richardson weed folks.

Your hatred and fanaticism is exactly why we have Trump today. He knows it and is playing it up for you all to stay at home once again.

Amen. It was the most exhausting exercise I've ever participated in. So fucking tiring that I gave up arguing and just went, until I surrendered to trying a different way of life, and never went back. Great day to be sober and not wasting energy on fruitless and painful pursuits. Very grateful this morning.

No animosity at all. There will always be an unchecked ego that may be shitty, but no one walks into AA because they think they're doing just fine. The mentality in the rooms is to help all that enter those doors and extend a welcome hand. The only time I've seen someone asked to leave a room is when they wouldn't say "I have a desire to stop drinking." That is for closed meetings. Anyone can attend open meetings and you don't have to say shit. Not everyone there is a 20-30 a day person. Some people were honest with themselves before it got really bad that they couldn't stop on their own, they had an obsession about alcohol when not drinking that affected their life, or can't stop once they start the drinking session. All different types of people in AA. A lot of people were not bottom of the barrel types that you mainly see on this board (this is Surly forfucksake). I think most of us on this board share because we feel very lucky to be alive from our very risky, insane drinking careers. A person might get a suggestion to try some controlled drinking if they aren't sure if they have a problem. Go to a bar have a drink and leave. If that person can walk away and not have the phenomenon of craving more and more, they may not be an alcoholic.

Tail end of GenX (1979) here. I hate to say, "back in my day" binge drinking was not only socially acceptable, it was a large part of networking and expected, but it was. Everyone I new from that time in school and throughout their 20s and early 30s drank very heavily compared to the kids today and our parents before. Some were able to stop when they had kids/work/important shit, some of us were not without help, and a there are a large group of folks sitting in a suburban Buffalo Wild Wings type bar on a Thursday afternoon pretending everything is just fine. There is a reason those types of places have thrived with my generation and fail with the youngsters. The rooms are starting to fill up rapidly with my old friends, but not fast enough for a lot of folks. Grateful to be on the right side of things today.

Congrats!! That’s a damn long time without a drink. So much happens in that first year that I hate that most people don’t get to see it. My hats off to you for doing what works for you. There’s no way in hell I could’ve done it without a program and a fellowship. I don’t believe any way is better as long as you’re getting the results. Bravo. Unfortunately there are a lot more people these days not as lucky as we are. Just read this today. https://time.com/5763403/alcohol-deaths-us/ “Deaths from boozing and bingeing more than doubled in the past two decades, as alcohol consumption per person rose 8%, with sharp increases in the rate for women and the middle-aged.”

Fucking City fans.

Learn to swim....

Grateful to be sober today. The holidays are hard. There are real reasons I had to reset my sobriety date to January a couple of years ago. I won't get too specific, but the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas opens the wound of my broken heart like nothing else does, as does the worldly thought of the New Year. It is bombed into our heads that this will be the year it all starts getting better. It doesn't always get better the way I want it. I don't have an economically comfortable life, I don't have my child with me, and I don't have an idea of where I am even going to make things happen. That can be daunting and destroying if I let myself dwell, drink, or suppress it deep in my soul. That dark only gets darker when I'm not sober. There is no love on Christmas if I don't love myself, and no magic of a New Year if I'm lying to myself. It took me two tries to figure that out. I say all of that because today I have serenity, peace of mind, and a chance, even with the heavy stuff all around. I sleep at night, I'm not avoiding getting caught, and I'm fighting out of hope and not bitterness. I am building slowly instead of destroying quickly. Every problem is a little more real every day that I am sober, but I do not crash and burn like I do when I'm drinking. I am not causing mayhem, sadness, worry, or resentment for others today. I can be a gentleman to those I do not like yet must be around. In essence, I'm capable of letting go and dealing with the unpleasantness and circumstances around me without needing a substance to get me there. Sobriety does for me slowly what alcohol did for me instantly. That is a fucking miracle. The type of hope and miracle I was always looking for in a virgin birth I didn't really believe in or an arbitrary new year that just added pressure. It was sitting there in front of me for several years until I actually got out of my own way and surrendered to who I was. A guy who drank better, more, and for pain that no one else could understand. Now, the hope comes from within, by watching others recover, and a spiritual place I never knew had. That is real, I am lucky, and I am grateful.

Derby win was a fantastic feeling, but here we are back to drawing with shit teams at home. I don't have a lot to say because we know who United are. Capable of winning against any team who will come to play and draw/losing to any team that we have to break down. January signings will be interesting. Just enjoying the youth and the big matches while praying we become more consistent against the bottom half. Does that make us a top or a bottom? Ha! Main reson I'm bumping this is I just found the best United podcast I've ever listened to, "United We Stand". Quality commentary with the sounds of match day. I may be late to the party, but God damn if some of it doesn't give you the chills of walking around outside of the grounds before a match. Never seen United at OT, but I've been to several CL matches and there is nothing like it. This takes you there and the hosts are not whiney, reactionary, cunts. Good guys who know and support the club.

You throw those two on United and they're a top four team immediately. Thats how good KDB is. Easily the best passer/playmaker in England and he keeps getting better. He's this generation's Paul Scholes.

or if he wants to switch it up a bit and try it in an ER bed! Shoot for the trifecta and try the psych ward! Some of us need that extra level of demoralization to realize that we might actually need divine help.

Chalupa!

I've missed the last few matches and apart from what I've read about the kids playing well (in a loss to Kazaks) and I apparently haven't missed much. Same shit, same team. Somebody get Brandon Williams a decent haircut. Can't play that well and run around with a mid 90s Tony Hawk short cut. I wish we had Grealish instead of Fred. How does someone make it to this level without being able to put a shot on goal from just outside of the 18? He gets at least 3 of those per match and can't hit anything. Grealish in the 10 and McTomminay in Freds role would be killer. It's strange, this squad is not far away, maybe 3 guys, but damn how lacking we are in the middle of the pitch. A real striker, a real 10, and a presence in front of the back line and it's a legit team. The pieces out wide are there and will continue to get better in the next few years.

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday, but now more than ever I realize it is our holiday. I was hopeless before sobriety countless times and I have been fairly close to hopeless even in sobriety. My mind has a tendency to look at the future as a dark void when things aren't going the way I want them in the present. I am so lucky today though to have tools, most important of which is gratitude. It is a powerful fucking weapon against my biggest demon, hopelessness. When I take a moment to realize I have a bed, a roof, or even a few people care about me, I can reset and see a tiny bit of light in the darkness of my thoughts. If I choose to follow the light that gratitude gives me, I can face the day and see what the world has yet to show me. I'm so thankful for being taught to pause and count my small blessings, because sometimes I just need one more day to change it all. So grateful for you all. Tell someone you're thankful for them today. It might just save a life, and that life might be yours. Much love, happy Thanksgiving Day.

The actual substance means nothing in Trump world, just feel good at the expense of others baby! MAGA drunk!

All good here. I've been laying low and trying to find a new job, layoffs coming at my current place of employment, my department is on the list. The beautiful thing about life right now is that I can experience rejection and feel normal emotions (anger,dissapointment, frustration) without the thought of a drink or lashing out like a fool. Lost out on a dream job the other day and that stung a lot, but it was fleeting. It's truly a miracle that I can be this calm and not anxious about the future with all the uncertainty around. If real bad shit comes, I'll deal with it then. Right now I'm focusing on doing what I can do to have the best day I can and crank out resumes. Recovery and a program can't get me a job, but it can help me deal with whatever life brings. I got kinda dark thinking for a second yesterday and asked myself, "what do I have that is really worth living for? Nothing has worked out the way I've wanted it to". It dawned on me later that I don't know yet and that is an amazing thing. This is a spiritual journey and not a worldly one. I didn't come all this fucking way for nothing, I just haven't seen it yet. Good day to be alive and sober. Love you all.

What a beautiful man and words. I have a picture of it all in my head. I'm crying at my desk. Thank you again very much for your willingness to tell the story to our Surly world. Your courage and generosity saves lives, I'm grateful. Big hug, much love. Prayers to those still suffering, you are not alone and there is a way out.

God damn that is a horrible situation. I'm sorry you all are going through this, I've seen it twice in my life and I hate it for everyone involved. I want to say thank you for sharing because you're helping more people than you realize at the moment. You never know what it takes for someone to get sober or stay sober, but if renal and liver failure do to alcohol abuse aren't a shock to everyone reading this, I don't know what is. Shit is real and happens around us daily. Much love.

The power to channel a river amongst the chaos of earthquakes and the roar of Gods.