this is it, in a nutshell.
we are in a weird inflection point where we still feel like we need 40 hours out of an intellectual economy as though we are putting rear views in cars on the line. i actually think that until we have real reform in the work week, we simply will continue to see this decline. i could conceivably do my job in 20 hours a week. i would probably be more productive with 4 hours of work a day rather than (the pretense of) 8. i tell you what i cannot do: raise another child. 2 was almost impossible. they are now 15 and 14 and impossible in different ways, but covid really highlighted how fucked everything is regarding our priorities.
it's also part of the reason you are seeing real reform in the workplace, and some of the european benchmarks that americans used to despise are starting to become more normal. don't get me wrong, american work culture is still toxic as fuck, and i'm a big result of that, as a 44 year old dude. came into the workforce during a major recession following college, found an unrewarding career with what looked like a dead end future (boy was i right about that), moved to japan, which has perhaps the most toxic work culture in the world.
anyways, i see things now like 3 months of paternal leave, and i'm amazed. i'm jealous, but i'm not mad for kids today - they deserve it like we did. i'm just glad they can grow up with that. i had two preemies. for the first i think i took three days of parental leave, because any more than that and i would be digging into vacation. he was in the nicu for 3 weeks. i got three days. for my second, i had to take fmla during another recession. my wife ended up having to take a job at their daycare and interrupt her career in order to for us to make ends meet before they reached school age. just thousands and thousands of dollars going out the door, and we were fortunate to have help. all because i had to be at work 40 hours a week for a fucking escrow job. lol.
i would've probably had more kids if 1) my wife was medically safe to have them, and 2) i made about double what i do now, 15 years after my first.
no wonder people don't want babies.