Buffsoldier

An alternate proposal. Leave it. Looking at shit on the windows has to be better than looking at the Oklahoma landscape.

Bodacious ones?

BurntEyes' mom is so poor, still still makes her homemade porn on BetaMax.

You're 40? You don't look 40.

You hate us, 'cause you ain't us.

You watched the tape twice?

Even a C-5 Galaxy looks small next to the Grand Canyon. Even a C-5 Galaxy looks small next to the Grand Canyon. And it's only $13.81. The #3 I brought her from McDonalds (coming full circle), counts as part.

I threw a Jorge in your mom last night.

Damn. We are as diminished by his passing as we were enriched by his having been among us. Thank you, Tim for making our lives better. Rest well, and rest as happy as you made us.

When you deposit a long awaited check. And it's $36.94 short of being able to pay off your entire credit card debt....

With a hooker, I'm assuming.

Damn. RIP.

I wouldn't let myself suffer and be abused, lied to, stolen from, manipulated and disrespected for 5 straight years while she was on her alcoholic and pill-addicted rampage. This is not to say I wouldn't have helped, I wouldn't have loved, and I wouldn't have tried my damndest to bring her out. Of course I would have. But I'd have recognized a year, maybe eighteen months or so in that it wasn't going to change, or at least it wasn't going to change with me in the picture, and I'd have pulled myself and my daughter out of that descent into hell. My daughter would've only been 2-2 1/2 then, and I'd have saved her from going through that at the worst possible time (according to the Parental Responsibility Evaluator age 5-7 is the worst time for a child to go through a divorce, psychologically speaking), and just as importantly, I'd have saved myself 3 or so years that I can never get back. Or at least I'd tell my 20 yr old self to look out for that at age 40 or so....

Oh sure, a cat does it and it's "cute and needs to go on Instagram". But when I do it I'm "a pervert and need to leave the premises immediately".

Look kids! Parliament! Big Ben!

OP did say comedy, not standup comedy. So here's my addition. This is the best sketch I've ever seen, period. Corman's inability to maintain the straight role just takes this to 11.

Man, if that's not an allegory for dating in the modern age, I don't know what is.

The chick or the machine? Narrator: It was both.

Y'know, I've watched this movie at least 2 dozen times over the years. This is the first time I've noticed the poindexter in front wearing the USS Texas hat.

Yeah, but those were just limey fish, so.....

In the past 2 days, my daughter has initiated every conversation with me this way: "Daddy, if that is your real name, .......