Helobious

I didn’t realize my post would magically give Michigan a quarterback that can complete a pass over 10 yards downfield. Fuck, I’m so stupid.

Watched the “Going Varsity in Mariachi” documentary, it was excellent.

Texas - 31 Michigan - 7 Michigan 95 passing yards

The 49ers stadium and team facility are both like 50 miles outside of SF, in Santa Clara. If I played there I don’t think I’d spend a ton of time in the city. No need to.

If you want to know what happens when a shitty QB plays behind a bad o-line, watch clemson’s offense.

Freshman Hassan Woolery of Harlingen takes the snap and runs 61 yards to the house on his first ever high school play. Sark if you’re reading this offer the kid now. Cards up on Weslaco 14-3 in the 2nd quarter.

That was weird on the field after the final play. Pretty much no CU players celebrating at all. Everyone must really hate it there.

Yeah it was blatant PI. DB was in full panic mode.

Pesky Blinders sucked pretty hardcore. Really great first season, but I bailed after that dumb Russian espionage angle in the 2nd season.

In before Thomas Castellanos just skullfucks the Florida State defense. Clemson-Georgia won’t be close. Bulldogs win ND-A&M should be tightly contested all the way. Miami-UF will be interesting. Beginning of the end for Napier once he loses that one.

Yes.

Can’t forget Helo’s Homies either Armando Lujan (SR) - QB, Sunray: Mexi-Manziel has put up jaw-dropping stats the past 3 years as a starter. Last year joined Kyler Murray and the immortal Tyrik Rollison as the only players in TX HS football history to throw for 4500 yards and rush for 1000 in the same season. Lorenzo Aguirre (SO) - QB, Dickinson: I’m dubbing him Andres Ware. Called up to varsity to be the starter midway through last year and accounted for 9 TDs, but has really had some impressive showings at big time QB camps over the summer. Caleb Cruz (SO) - CB/WR, Odessa Permian: Started every single game on varsity last year at cornerback for Mojo as a freshman. Size will hold him back but he holds an FBS offer already (UTEP). Juan-Milleon Aguilar (SR)- S, Dallas Kimball: First team all-state, first team all-name. Passes the Mishak test, led the state in interceptions last year, and has several G5 offers. Gut feeling is you’ll be looking at an NFL roster in 5 years and see his name on there. Texas State is the favorite to land him currently. Noriel Dominguez (JR) - LB, FB Marshall: 16 FBS offers kind of speaks for itself. No sunshine kind of guy judging from photos. Honorable mentions: Sael Reyes (SR) - S, Desoto: SMU commit/A&M lean Leo Almanza (SR) - ATH, Byron Nelson: Baylor commit/K-State lean Gustavo Cordova (SR) - DT/Fucktard, Lake Travis: USC commit

You can edit ratings of incoming recruits now but that’s it. Some absolute psycho on Reddit did figure out a convoluted glitch to kind of change player jersey numbers a while back. https://www.reddit.com/r/NCAAFBseries/s/xQfVhCj1CT

Texas - 45 CSU - 7 WR yards: 313 *Note to Wulaw: You should’ve just specified receiving yards. With touch passes and screens, there’s no reason to hand the ball off to a WR anymore. They’re going to end every game with roughly 0 rushing yards. Just an FYI from someone that watches football.

Update came in last night. There’s FINALLY mass subs available in dynasty under the coaching option.

Gallo cementing his legacy as the worst player ever.

I’ve always done that but only a few were available to visit week 3. Weeks 4-10 I’m on the road with a bye mixed in, which is prime visit time.

Jesus man, James Lott was a legend. My uncle was a south texas HS coach when Lott was at Refugio and was once working one of his track meets. He said Lott cleared 6’10 or something while still wearing sweatpants.

6 consecutive conference road games. Can’t change it. Totally fucked me on recruiting visits.

The Untolds have largely sucked. And they started off so strong with the minor league mob hockey team, malice at the palace, and Manti Te’o ones. All that said, Stallions is a total psycho. So cringey when he called the team his “brothers”. I got the vibe almost none of the players even knew who he was.

It’s time: Helobious Poll 1. PSJA N - 2 years worth of general arrogance, unsportsmanlike conduct penalties, and a couple of near-brawls finally caught up to them last postseason. Lost that senior core that put them on the map, but experienced depth and the helping of humble pie should serve them well this year. 2. PSJA - Best most explosive offensive attack in the valley should be fun to watch. Vela transfer Myles Lopez has a good running back and 2 great receivers at his disposal. 3. Vela - Can they sustain success without Coach Campbell? 4. San Benito - Will have a good defense as usual, and transfer QB Tyler Ruiz may be the missing piece that gets the offense going. 5. Los Fresnos - RGVsports 5-10 preseason rankings are just garbage. LF will be good. “Helo, donde está Brownsville Vets?” They lost their 2-way superman Gilbert Trillo to graduation, and even with a good core returning I don’t see it with their move up to 6A. They went 0-2 vs RGV 6A teams last year. Their postseason run was just a classic case of a team just getting hot at the right time Chingon Trophy Watchlist Hassan Woolery (FR) - QB, Harlingen: @956 Worldwide Can you recall the last freshman to ever make the varsity team to start the season for us? In my life I’ve never heard of a player here get as much hype as this kid. A multi-sport star that’s already a legit 6’1, his 8th grade highlights were a joke. Easily just running circles around defenses and chucking up 40 yard bombs like nothing. But this isn’t 8th grade anymore, this is district 32-6A football. Is he the real deal? Robert Piñeda (JR) - QB, Los Fresnos: Their coach has said he’s “opening up the playbook” for him this year. Eager to see what exactly happens when Los Fresnos HS opens up their playbook. Myles Lopez (SR) - QB, PSJA: Transfer portaled from Vela in the spring. If I’m not mistaken he’s the only valley player besides that UTEP committed o-lineman from Brownsville St. Joe’s with an FBS offer right now (Central Michigan for some reason). Geoff Lefevre (SR) - QB, Edinburg Vela: Transfer from Donna. His older brother was a beast of a QB at Weslaco East a few years ago. This kid is also huge with a strong arm. Ethan Guerra (JR) - RB, PSJA North: Fabian García reincarnate

I no joke have not had a soda since 2009. You fatasses only get one body in life, maybe try taking care of it

He’s the #3 ranked player in the country for the 2026 class.

You have to admit that a team ful of aggie fans failing at the highest level, and then celebrating anyway is pretty on-brand. I get that they’re kids and would’ve had a parade regardless. But still, the aggy curse is real.

I wonder if there’s a story with him. He goes to probably the roughest school in Fort Worth, with a laughingstock of a baseball program. He carried them to their first playoff appearance in 52 years this past season. I just have no idea why he goes to a school like that.