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Marfa Low Crown

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Everything posted by Marfa Low Crown

  1. Who wants to tell them this not the first dyke bar ever in Austin...
  2. Doubled down this evening at Subway and ordered the exact same combination that ruined my pants except this time with penne pasta. If there is a portent of things to come, let it be the belabored squirting, farting, and heaving noises of the sauce bottle as she liberally applied it to my pasta. It was enough to make any poster on this thread or child under 12 laugh spontaneously with no saving throw. Obviously I deserve whatever happens next but now that I suspect an enemy camped at the gate, I won't get surprised again.
  3. Holy mother of Jesus. It began with a build your own pizza from Subway. I chose a simple collection of ingredients I have ordered in the past without issue. Even the staff remarked that the pizza looked and smelled amazing. At the time I was not aware of the ominous foreshadowing of these statements. I had half the pizza for dinner and the first signs of trouble began in the wee hours of the morning. I woke up paining to release a long series of staccato machine gun farts that delivered a grievous and putrid assault upon the senses. Although I had terrible gas I detected no danger and fell back asleep blissfully unaware of the roiling cauldron of fury and deception that was brewing within. Early the next day the killer struck in the predawn darkness as I was pouring my first cup of coffee downstairs. Without almost no warning I became aware of the pressure of a fart whose timetable was not my own nor would it be denied. Perhaps there was some quantum trickery, a Schrodinger's fart of sorts , where solid and gas flipped states at the last possible instant....but what I know for sure is what came out met the bare minimum definition of a fart. This transitioned seamlessly into a mudslide punctuated by thermal pockets of gut cracking explosive gas. There was no stopping it, no amount of clenching, I simply was not in control of anything. Above, is the best visual representation I can provide to the group of what took place in my pants as I raced to the nearest bathroom. With a shower. Although not especially religious, I found myself thanking God for tile and hardwood floors as I trotted through the house well aware that my own shit was running down both of my legs. I came to a sliding and defeated landing on the toilet seat as the final salvos of the war inside my ass were fired into the toilet bowl. It was a hellish oscillation between raucous gas and flying soft serve that left me beleaguered with an abused and smoking butthole. However, I was also overtaken with calm. Perhaps it was because this was not the first time I had been on a toilet sitting in my own shit, but I knew exactly what to do and quickly. Jeans, underwear, and socks were rolled into a ball...and written off as KIA. A quick visit to Amazon on the cellphone and a pair of replacement jeans were already on the conveyor getting ready to head my way before I had even flushed the toilet. Quick rinse in the shower and from start to finish the entire ordeal was less than 10 minutes. Hopefully, this will be my first and last entry for 2025.
  4. I hate to even upvote this. Don't need any more you bastards in my hunting grounds 🤘
  5. You know it bro, your mind just didn't go there off the bat. It's the acronym for the order of operations in math. 🤘 P: Parentheses E: Exponents M: Multiplication D: Division A: Addition S: Subtraction
  6. Six comments in so I'll be the first to give props to the them titties from about :19 to :23
  7. Even if it is the watered down version lol
  8. I'm down. She looks sweet, probably has a big ass, and I notice she has bangs so no hair to pull back therefore offering a great line of sight while she's going down. 🤘
  9. Fucking legends.
  10. I'd like to start a petition to rename Arby's after her.
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