Despite being a regular contributor to these threads in the past, I really did have a good run going over the last year. Apart from a truly catastrophic shart that cost me my underwear and my long johns around this time last winter, it had been smooth sailing and I had been shart-free for about a year. I had gotten a handle on things and corrected some lifestyle habits (beer and bean and cheese tacos on the same day seemed to be a major culprit). Well, that all came to an end as my slightly hungover self was walking up the stairs with my morning coffee. Pushing off on the last step at the top of the landing, I decided to let a little air out and.... splat! Full bowlegged waddle to the bathroom, disrobing after a major league home run shot that blasted through both underwear and pants alike.
Stepping into the shower I was thinking WTF? Where in the hell did that come from?! Then I started reconstructing yesterday's events.....
1. You f'n judged at a chili cookoff yesterday, Marfa. You judged F'N BEANS at the final table, Marfa.
2. You drank a f'n 12 pack at the contest you dumb shit and then your drunk ass ate a pint of gotdamn icecream before you passed out.
I have no one and I mean NO ONE to blame but myself.