Well, I made a solid recovery from the asshole zone. Admittedly, the whole thing is probably my fault as I left my wife unsupervised.
About 2 months ago, she proudly ordered a measuring cup for our dogs' food on Amazon. I didn't really think anything of it, as we have two dogs: one gets 1 cup of food per meal, the other gets two cups of food per meal. Our current solution has been to use a red Solo cup until it ultimately self destructs, and we replace it with another one, so I fully supported this purchase.
Before Christmas, my wife informs me that the measuring cup isn't expected to arrive until after Christmas, as it's coming from the UK. This should have raised some flags, but I let it go.
Today, the long anticipated day arrived and she showed me the measuring cup:
I started laughing as soon as I saw it, which immediately led to her getting upset and telling me that she figured we could use it for other things like measuring food in the kitchen. I held off on the obvious issue with not wanting my food being measured with the same device we use for dog food. I was able to take the edge off with some kind words and affection.
Needless to say, I ordered this today:
It arrives tomorrow.