I think a lot of it just boils down to this, and I am sure you would have. My Dad served on a Fletcher-class DD from 1943 for almost the duration.
While searching for a downed USMC pilot, they took two 6" shells from a shore battery, one exploded right under my Dad's "cabin," raising the deck a couple of inches. A couple of guys were killed.
They shelled Iwo Jima.
The most intense combat was at Okinawa, where they fended off kamikazes and other aircraft as the screen for the carriers in the task group. They did not get hit, but rescued 48 sailors from Twiggs after it struck a mine near the beach. They also inserted UDT and "JASCO" Marines before the invasion, who attached explosives to the barriers and tank traps and reconnoitered the invasion site.
Dad said you just did your job, followed orders, and focused on that and there wasn't time to be afraid. Where I suppose it would get hairy is in a gun tub when someone else got killed or injured and the chain of command broke down.